Dark Kabbalah
by Sperance
Summary: I can't run away forever, I guess. I am who I am, and I did what I did. I can't change the past. But if visiting hell again will bring me some rest, some forgiveness, then let it be. I'll do it again. You win again. Fill up the plug, and let's go.
1. Chapter 1

**So… Yeah. Post Third Impact fanfic. How original of me. Nerv is back and they have to pilot again. Soooo very original of me. Well, I've had this idea in my head for so long that I can't stand it anymore. I'm writing this down now, before a repent.**

**Well, now some notes:**

**1- English is NOT my first language. So, misspelling or grammatical errors may occur. I'll try not to, though. If you detect any of them, please, inform me. Every error you point out will be one error less in the next updates.**

**2- Any feedback is welcome, even criticism. Constructive criticism will help me improve my writing for next chapters and future possible rewrites.**

**3- This is rated M. Mature content can and will appear. This includes but it's not limited to: coarse language, adult situations/references, gore, psychological problems, boobies.**

**Oh, yeah… And I don't own Evangelion. It's property of Gainax. **_**For now**_**.**

1- THE BEGINNING, AGAIN

She liked her lips in anticipation, slowly. He was out there, behind some building, hiding like a little scared puppy. Not that she blamed him, of course. Everybody feared the great Asuka Langley Soryu, Lieutenant of the restored Nerv, Chief Pilot of the Eva squad, last member of the original Three Children and awesome person in general.

After some minutes, Asuka bit her lower lip in frustration. This was getting ridiculous. If that little shit wasn't going to get out, the she would go get him. Pushing the controls aggressively, Asuka made her Eva Unit-02 charge forward and knock down a building with a kick, readying her assault rifle. Finally, an enormous shadow appeared before her, the sinister silhouette of the fourteenth Angel, Zerulel, making itself clear. Asuka gritted her teeth. 'Got you'

With a war cry, Asuka pulled the trigger and Unit-02 started firing, raising a curtain of smoke where the monster was. When the dust dissipated, though, the girl could see the Angel hadn't even blinked. Biting her tongue to avoid a curse, she pulled her prog knife and sprinted towards the Angel.

At the same time, the foil-like arms of the monster started to unfold. Asuka twitched at the memory. Last time this asshole did that she got her arms chopped off. And then she got decapitated. She smirked.

"Not this time, sucker!" Asuka screamed, accelerating her Eva even more and tackling the surprised Angel to the ground.

Raising her weapon, Asuka tried to stab the blood-red core in the middle of the Angel's chest, but the monster activated its AT Field, stopping the blade from reaching the weak point. With a growl, Asuka forced the Eva to power-up its own field and, slowly but steadily, the weapon finally reached the core. With a roar, Asuka pushed the control even harder and knife finally stabbed the red sphere.

Instantly, the Angel started to shriek and struggle, but to no avail. The knife sunk itself and, after a few seconds, silence.

"Well done, Asuka" a voice from the comm. said "I guess you _really_ were ready for the fourteenth"

Asuka grinned, a confident grimace in her face.

"Of course I was! I've been ready for years, you know" She resorted, as the building around her began to fade, as well as the Angel's body. Asuka smiled and let her head rest on the simulation plug seat, waiting for the LCL to drain.

Outside of the Virtual Reality Room, Misato Katsuragi sighed. Asuka's overconfidence would bring her trouble in the future, she was sure of it. But, then again, she was the only pilot with Angel battle experience from before the Third Impact. Rei became some kind of strange entity during that event (if you sailed far enough, you could still find that giant head of hers) and Shinji disappeared almost five years ago. Just after he end Asuka were brought to the German Branch he left, and nobody had heard of him again. He vanished just like he had lived: in silence and leaving a scarring mark in the people he met.

--------------------------------------

Asuka inhaled deeply, getting rid of her plug suit. With a sigh she looked at the reflection the full body mirror in her locker gave her. She looked, turned to see her back and sighed again. It still shocked her. Skin. Just pretty, smooth skin. No scars, no marks, no anything. After what happened before Third Impact, she was sure she would have become some kind of circus freak.

She frowned. To be honest with herself, her memories from before and during Instrumentality were pretty blurry; she was unable to differ between her dreams and reality. As were everyone. In fact, nobody was sure of what happened. She remembered seeing a lot of things. Things of her life and of other's ones. And she was sure everybody did so. Most of them were impossible to discern, while others were still pretty fresh in her mind. The pain, the soiling. The death. Asuka sighed for a third time. When she came to her senses after all that mess, she found herself being strangled by Shinji, like in that scene during Instrumentality. She caressed him, she still didn't know why and then he started crying like the stupid wimp he is. She was disgusted: at him, at herself, at the world and at the giant head of Wondergirl. She then went to sleep, a nice, dreamless sleep.

When she woke up, she was in a bed in the hospital of the German Branch of Nerv, new HQ. There, they informed her that they had picked her up from Japan with a young boy. When she asked where the boy went, they shrugged and gave them a note with a single word in Japanese: "Sorry". Nothing else. No "goodbye", no "see you", no "I hope you recover well". Nothing. She hated him for that. Sure, maybe she hadn't been the best company in the whole world but, what the hell? At first, she tried to look for him. Not much, mind you. Just to give him a piece of her mind, nothing else. But as the UN helicopters brought more people from the LCL sea in Japan, most of them Nerv staff, she began to have more work. Evas were too great of a resource to let them go. And the people able to pilot them were few.

She, Toji Suzuhara and an American girl called Mari Illostrious Makinami. Her old friend Hikari and that idiot Kensuke were in trial, while the people at Nerv decided if they were suitable pilots or not. Asuka doubted they had enough Eva units for everybody, though. They even had to rescue her old Unit-02 and repair it. She even had heard the higher-ups had some kind of ambitious plan to get Unit-01 down from space. A waste of money and resources, she thought. The only person capable of piloting that monster was nowhere to be found.

Asuka yawned and stretched, giving her reflection an approving smile. She was beautiful, she really was. Not a week would pass without some idiot asking her out for dinner or a movie. She rejected them all, of course. They were too weak, too stupid for her. And none of them would have been able to put up with her raging personality. Not like Shinji. She shook her head to get that thought out. _Scheiss_.

Mumbling a song, she headed for the shower, her head drifting between thoughts.

-------------------------------------------

Misato frowned at the papers a German Nerv operator had just handed her.

"Is this true?" she asked in English.

"Yes" the man answered with a thick accent "We have… Ah… made contact with the… Euh… Unit. We think that in less that two weeks we will have… Eh… Recovered it, Sir… Madam"

Misato cursed in Japanese between her teeth. She had hoped that they would have never been able to recover Unit-01. Now that this little hope had failed her, she knew the next step she had to take. Not that she had to like it. Not at all.

"Hyuga" Misato said, looking at her subordinate. The only one she still had at her orders "Call the guys from Internal Affairs"

Hyuga just stared at her a few seconds and then nodded, leaving the room. With a sigh, Major Misato Katsuragi let herself fall at her designated chair. Time to; once again, blackmail or brainwash some emotionally scarred boy into piloting a monster he hated with all his soul, for the sake of people he didn't even knew or cared about, and destroying some more his already unstable sanity. Just perfect.

Well, she thought with little hope. That'd be if they were able to find him in the first place.

-----------------------------------------

When Asuka exited the changing room, putting her A-10 nerve clips on her still wet hair, she was greeted by three hollow faces and a curious one.

"What?" she asked. Toji, Kensuke and Hikari exchanged looks, doubtful. Mari, nonetheless, stepped forward.

"Haven't you heard, Liutenant?" she asked "We just received a report saying the space exploration team had made contact with an old frozen Eva unit. They say that in less than two weeks they'll have recovered Unit-01"

Asuka tried that her racing heartbeat didn't affect her face.

"So?" she asked, as indifferently as she could "Maybe you don't know, but Unit-01 is a bit special. It will accept only one pilot. And none of us is that pilot"

"That's the thing" Hikari said in a faint voice. Asuka looked at her, while Toji and Kensuke stared at the opposite direction. Don't say it, Asuka thought. Don't you say it. Don't you dare say it after five years. Don't you dare.

"Internal Affairs is already looking for him. Not some half-assed search, like the first one" Toji intervened "A world-wide search. They'll find him, this time. He's coming back"

Asuke just cursed in all the languages she knew. Which were quite some.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! Here I am, bringing more chapters to this madness. Well, how did you like the last chapter? **

**I know last chapter was pretty short. The first one's will be, like this one too. It's just until the story gets more fast paced. They'll get longer with time.**

**Okay, before starting this chapter I have something to say: yes, I know Shinji looks pretty OOC in this chapter. There's actually TWO good reasons for that: FIRST, as someone who discovered Evangelion for the manga before the anime, my depiction of lil' Shin-chan is very influenced by the character Shinji exhibits in the manga, which is to say, he actually HAS a backbone, just no confidence. And the SECOND reason… Well, I'll explain it in future chapters. Nobody likes spoilers, right?**

**Yeah, still don't own Evangelion, it's property of Gainaz. At least until my chain-of-changes strategy succeeds.**

2- THE THIRD CHILD, AGAIN

Asuka threw her bag on her bed with a frustrated growl. Hikari peeked carefully from the door of the redhead's room.

"Are you okay?" she asked timidly. She ducked to evade a pillow Asuka threw at her.

"Of course!" she answered, a bit louder then she wanted "Why wouldn't I? I don't give a rat's ass I that shitface comes again! I don't give a fuck!"

"Well…" Hikari fidgeted, not sure about what to say. She had not mentioned Shinji at all "I thought…"

"You thought wrong!" Asuka screamed, no longer trying to feign calmness "I don't care! Fuck him! 'Sorry'?! What the fuck were you trying to say! What about 'Goodbye', huh?!"

"Asuka…"

"Asshole!" Asuka screamed, no longer minding Hikari was with her.

Hikari sighed, entering the room carefully and putting an arm over her friend's shoulder, sitting them both in the bed gently.

"I'm sure he had his reasons" she said softly "He always did. Well, you knew him way better than me"

"Fuck him…" Asuka muttered stubbornly.

"Do you want to talk?" Hikari asked, already knowing the answer.

"There's nothing to talk" Asuka replied slowly regaining her breath after all her yelling "It's just…"

"Just?"

"Nothing"

-------------------------------------

'No luck today, huh?' Albert Mustang thought, sighing. He had spent almost four hours sitting with the fishing rod, but no fish had bitten the bait yet. 'These Germanic rivers are pretty difficult to fish in'. He whistled absentmindedly the song playing in his old SDAT. It started to sound kind of funny, so the battery was probably close to dying. Albert sighed again and started searching his backpack.

After changing the batteries, he scratched his shin. He needed a shower and a shave. On the other hand, he thought, running his hand through his ponytailed hair, he wasn't in a hurry. He had just dropped from his last job as a chef in a bar, so he had some cash. Maybe he should get the train a get to another town. Or he could ride his bike, in which case he would save the money, but take longer to reach his destination.

Ah, decisions, decisions. Albert was never good at taking decisions. However, when a black car stopped near him and two men dressed in a black suit and sunglasses went out of it, he thought that, maybe, he wouldn't have to take any decision at all.

At first, he thought about running, but discarded that. He had spent the last four hours sitting on a rock next to a river, so his legs were kind of numb. They would catch him in no time. And he liked his fishing rod and his bike, and he would have hated to leave them behind. So, instead of running away, he just kept sitting, staring at the water.

"Albert Mustang?" the taller of the two men asked in German when they reached him.

"Sorry" Albert apologized "I think you got the wrong man"

"Edward Maes, then?" the man replied sarcastically "Roy Summers? Or would you prefer Keitarô Konno?"

'Oh, Godammit' Albert thought. However, he didn't get up, and just moved his sunglasses off and looked at the two black dressed men.

"Could you please come with us?" the man said.

Albert just raised an eyebrow.

"Don't say it like I have another option, Mister Internal Affairs Guy" he growled to himself, getting up and grabbing his things.

He then followed the two men, sitting in the backseat of the car while the agents secured his bike and fishing rod on top of the car. They entered the car and the taller one started driving. The shorter one looked back at their passenger and spoke for the first time.

"You're a pretty hard to find individual, Mr. Ikari"

Albert sighed at the mention of his real name.

"Not hard enough, I'm afraid"

--------------------------------------------

"How is he?" the new Nerv commander, Kozo Fuyutsuki, asked.

"Pretty calm" one of the Internal Affairs staff answered. They were both looking at the young man sitting in the interrogation room through a fake mirror "When I looked at his history, I thought he'd be cowering, crying and pleading right now"

"Well, five years is a long time" Fuyutsuki said pensively. He then grabbed some folders "I'll go talk with him"

The commander passed a hand for his everyday-less grey hair and entered the room.

"Good afternoon, Commander" Shinji greeted. Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know my rank, Ikari?"

"Well," the boy answered "My father was bitten in half, and nobody else knew about Nerv as much as you did. It was a pretty easy deduction. Happy to see you escaped Instrumentality"

Fuyutsuki frowned at his words. Okay, he didn't think the brat could have changed that much. 'However', he thought, looking at him, 'You are not as tough as you want me to believe'. His valuation was based looking at the big bags under his eyes, his tired-looking eyes and face and his skinny body. Lack of sleep, Fuyutsuki was sure of it. Not surprising, though. In front of his was a nineteen-twenty year old brat who had seen things most people don't see in a lifetime. He had the eyes of an eighty years old man. Fuyutsuki sighed.

"Do you know why I called for you?" he asked. It was a formality and they both knew it. This wasn't like the first time.

"I have a vague idea" Shinji smiled "I guess you guys managed to get that little toy from outer space. How did you do it?"

"It's like you said" replied the commander, ignoring his question "We've recovered the Eva Unit-01 from the terrestrial orbit. However, as you probably remember, Unit-01 only accepts one pilot"

Shinji nodded. Now they were getting to the root of the question. He leaned on the table.

"Let's be honest,Commander" he said. Fuyutsuki frowned. Every time the boy said 'Commander' it seemed like he was somehow mocking him.

"You want me to pilot Eva again. I don't know why but, to be honest, I'd prefer not to know. I'll discover enough and too much with time. Like last time. But," he continued "I would like to know some things first"

"Ask"

Shinji shook his head.

"No, no" he said "I don't trust you, Commander. You were my father's right hand. Bring Misato here. Then, we'll talk"

Fuyutsuki frowned. How did he…?

"And if I said Misato Katsuragi never made it out of Instrumentality?" he asked tentatively.

"I'd know you're lying" Shinji smiled. Fuyutsuki wasn't sure that he liked that smile "And that wouldn't be a good way to start a negotiation, would it?"

Commander Fuyutsuki just stared at him for a few seconds, before taking a little radio and saying some words in English. About five minutes later, the door banged open, an out-breathed Misato scanning the room in milliseconds. Shinji got up with a smile.

"Shinji!" she screamed, flying towards the room and trapping the young man in a bone-crushing bear hug.

"Damn you, you stupid jerk!" she cried, asphyxiating Shinji in her ample bust "Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"

"A-air…" Shinji gasped, unable to free himself. Finally, Misato let him go, grabbing him by the shoulders. Shinji gasped for oxygen.

"Look at me" she said hurriedly "God, you're skinny. What have you been eating? Look at this! When was the last time you had a haircut? And shaved? Look at you, dammit! Have you been sleeping well? God, you need a shower and now! Here, here, come!"

After her tirade, she grabbed Shinji's forearm and started dragging him towards the door. Fuyutsuki coughed a bit to get her attention.

"Major Katsuragi?" he said "We have some matters in hand now, if you'll please"

Misato blinked a few times, confused. She then remembered why she was there.

"Oh…" she muttered, blushing aggressively. She seated besides Fuyutsuki, mumbling apologies.

Shinji seated in front of them.

"I'm happy to see you, Misato" he smiled "I'll tell you all after this, ok?"

"Let's get to business" Fuyutsuki said, impatiently "We have more pressing matters than touching reunions. Ask your questions"

Shinji sighed.

"I want to know who the other Children are" he said "Besides Asuka, of course. I'd bet my right hand she's here"

"You're right" Fuyutsuki said "Lieutenant Asuka Langley Soryu, is indeed one of our pilots"

'Lieutenant?' Shinji thought, the image of a commando-clothed Asuka barking orders at everybody crossing his mind.

"The other designated pilots are the Fourth Child, Toji Suzuhara, piloting the Eva Unit-04; and the Sixth Child Mari Illustrious Makinami, piloting the Eva Unit-05"

Shinji frowned. Toji was piloting? Now he didn't expect that. He thought his old friend had had enough Evas for the rest of his life.

"In addition, Kensuke Aide and Hikari Horaki are getting an intensive training in order to achieve synchronization with the Eva Units-06 and 07 respectively, when they are finished"

'Now this is just ridiculous' Shinji thought 'You really made sure I couldn't refuse, didn't you?' If all the people he knew and cared had been dragged into that madness there was just no way for him to back off. It looked like the infamous Third Child was going to pilot an Eva yet again.

"So" he sighed, a fatalistic tone in his voice "What are we fighting this time"


	3. Chapter 3

**Sooo… Hello again. How are you linking the story so far? Can't believe I've already done three chapters and still haven't said anything about what the monkey are they going to fight. Sorry 'bout that, I wanted to make some bonds first. You know the drill.**

**Oh, yes. Question. Do you like the length of the chapters or should I make them longer? I think they are pretty short, but I don't want to crush you people with a wall of text, so… What do you think?**

**Yeah, apparently I can't actually exchange a paperclip for the rights of Evangelion, so it's still property of Gainax.**

3- REUNION

"Just you wait!" Misato exclaimed happily "I bet they'll be surprised. Well, they knew you were coming back, but didn't know when. You gave us quite the headache trying to find you. How did you disappear like that?"

Shinji just shrugged.

"It's easy. First you make some money working without a contract and then buy a fake identification. It all is pretty… You know… Easy. After all, dead people don't complain if you take their name. It's not like anybody is going to look up who you are"

Misato said nothing, looking at Shinji with somewhat sad eyes. Was he talking about identity theft? Not nice at all. She smiled and patted his head.

"Well, no more wandering around for you" Misato laughed "You're going to get a medical examination, then say hi to your friends and then you're going to the hairdresser. I can't believe you let your hair grow that much"

"I was in hiding, remember?"

Misato nodded.

"What have you been doing this past five years?"

Shinji took a moment before answering, like he was thinking his answer.

"Work at a bunch of things. Ride a bike. Think" he said "I've thought a lot. I learnt German"

"Really?" Misato asked raising an eyebrow. He didn't even bother to learn when Asuka had lived a whole year with them.

"Yes. After a few days I discovered that if didn't learn the language I was going to starve"

"Makes sense" Misato agreed.

For the rest of the travel until the medical wing, they said nothing. Every now and then, Misato would take a peek at Shinji, a worried look in her face. He had become more handsome, the soft lines of a childish face long gone. He even seemed to have gained some muscle, probably because of all the walking, and riding, and working at God-knows-what. But he looked way too tired for someone his age, his eyes way too old for someone who had just become twenty.

"Hey, Shin" Misato said.

"Mmh?"

"Welcome back"

He smiled briefly and nodded. Misato noted that this wasn't the look of someone who just returned anywhere.

* * *

While Shinji took his medical check, Misato waited outside. The doctor seemed happy to have one of the pilots talk him in German. Except Asuka, none of the others knew the language. They never left the Nerv facility, where English was enough for them. Shinji wondered if any of them had left the facility at all since they were brought there. Then again, he had absolutely no idea how long had it been since they had left Instrumentality.

The Nerv doctor frowned when he examined Shinji's eyes and reflexes. In fact, he had been mumbling to himself the whole time. It wasn't a surprise, though. Shinji was fully aware that he didn't look healthy at all. He was too thin for someone his height, and he was fully aware that the bags under his eyes were absolutely impossible to hide. He was also fully aware that he couldn't use the full extent of his mental and physical capabilities. 'Just wait until he receives the result of my urine test and discovers I've been abusing sleeping pills'.

The doctor sighed.

"I'll be frank, Mr. Ikari…" he started.

"Shinji's fine"

"Okay. I'll be frank, Shinji" the doc said "I know you've been wandering around for quite some time. Your muscles have built up quite well, and you don't have had any growth or bone problems. But you should gain at least ten kilos to reach a healthy weight and fifteen to reach you physical peak. You should also keep doing exercise, so the weight you gain doesn't become only fat"

"Sure" Shinji said "Here at Nerv I bet a can do that in two or three months"

"Perfect" the doctor said, taking his glasses off "Now, let's talk about the really serious matter" the doctor glared at him "Tell me the truth. "When was the last time you had a good night of rest? A natural one, going to sleep by yourself and waking up by yourself"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly"

"Since Third Impact" he confessed "So that'd make five years, one month, three weeks, two days and last night"

The doctor let his glasses drop in disbelief.

"Are you serious?"

Shinji just nodded.

"Congratulations, then" the doctor said, grabbing his glasses and grimacing with disgust when he found out that one lent had shattered "I'm surprised you haven't lost your mind yet"

"The sleeping pills help" Shinji confessed "And I wouldn't be sure that I haven't lost my mind"

The doctor raised an eyebrow, but he didn't insist in the subject.

"Do you have any idea of why you have problems sleeping or…?"

"Doctor" Shinji interrupted "I'm pretty sure you don't want to know why I can't sleep"

* * *

Shinji exited the room with a candy dancing in his mouth. So you can start that fatty diet, the doctor had said with a wink. Ha. If only he knew. He had had the candy in his mouth for less than a minute and he wanted the puke already. It was always the same. Every time he forced something into his stomach, the nausea would come. It was just like not even the food wanted to be near him. Pretty understandable, nonetheless. What he had done, to them, to _her_, was something that deserved more than just some puking or some sleeping problems. But he was too much of a coward to even kill himself.

Misato was waiting for him, he noted. Probably to make sure he actually went to greet his friends and comrades, instead of running off as he had thought. 'Ol' fox knows me pretty well'. Shinji sighed and followed her, as the older woman kept talking about something Shinji wasn't even listening to. How many pills would it take him to sleep today? For how long? Which nightmare would haunt him? Hey, the Asuka-in-the-hospital-bed one had not showed up in a bit. Maybe it would, today. Shinji laughed between teeth, looking back over his shoulder. Yep, doesn't matter what the doctor says. He was definitely going nuts.

While Shinji was wondering if he was nuts enough to actually use insanity as an excuse to not pilot Eva, they finally arrived at the barracks, where the pilots and aspiring pilots lived. Shinji looked around. It wasn't bad at all. It looked like every person had its own barrack, as Misato told him, with a bathroom, a living room, a bedroom, a little kitchen and a study. Continuing to the North, there was a gym, just next to one of the five cafeterias the HQ had. Going to the East, the direction they were going to, one would reach the Great Crossroad as the people living there called it: a place were one could use to get to any wing of the complex. Following Misato, Shinji wondered how many times he would get lost, before memorizing all of the directions.

When they finally reached the place where the synch tests were held, a sudden sensation of déjà-vu attacked Shinji. Damn, it was identical to the one they had had in Tokyo-3. They even used the same clothes.

"Right now, Hikari and Kensuke are doing a test" Misato informed him with a little smile "Do you want to watch them?"

Shinji shrugged and walked towards the monitors. He examined the numbers, before raising an eyebrow.

"How long have they been doing this?" he asked.

"Hikari's been at it for two years and Kensuke almost four"

Shinji nodded pensively.

"They suck" he said bluntly. It was true. With numbers like that, they would be lucky if their Evas moved at all.

Misato laughed frankly, a clear laugh that made Shinji feel somewhat envious.

"I know. We've been trying a new type of nerve clips, hoping it would help, but to no avail" she answered "I think I understand now why Rei, Asuka and you were the ones that had to do it.

Shinji nodded absentmindedly. What about Toji and Asuka?

"Well," Misato said, scratching her shin "Toji would be on par with how Rei was back then. Asuka is in a whole different level, though. The other day, she singlehandedly defeated the Fourteenth in a simulation. You remember the Fourteenth, do you?"

Shinji nodded. It wasn't like he could forget that time when he had become LCL inside Unit-01 for a month. His train of thought was suddenly interrupted by an enthusiastic exclamation. Shinji turned around, only to be crushed by yet another bear hug, this one even stronger than the one Misato had given him. At least, there was no breast asphyxia in this one.

"Shinji, you mongrel!" a man's voice shouted in his ear "You should've called before coming! Damn you!"

Okay. Bear-crushing strength: check. Shitty tongue: check. Sweaty smell: check.

"Hi, Toji…" Shinji managed to gasp "Nice to see you doing well"

Toji released him and eyed him head to toes.

"Dude, I'm not putting this sweet for you" he said, critically "You look like shit"

Shinji smiled.

"That's what the doctor said" he answered "How have you been?"

"Not bad" he said "Well, after all that Third Impact shit, and the weird thing with the thoughts and shit, I woke up in the middle of Berlin. Can you believe it? I was in Nerv HQ in Toky-3 and then, BAM! I'm in the middle of Europe. Really weird. Well, some guy from Nerv recognized me and before I know it I'm here, piloting this can again. They said you were recovered from Japan but when I searched for you, you're gone. What's with that?"

Yep, Shinji thought. Same old Toji.

"Nothing important" Shinji asked evasively "I guess I just had to… think, you know? Clear my mind. Get some fresh air"

Toji looked at him in disbelief, before shaking his head with a little laugh.

"Yeah" he said "Get some fresh air. I'm sure you've had pretty much of that"

"To be honest" Shinji said "I wouldn't be here if I could have helped it"

Toji smacked him in the back. Hard.

"Damn right" he said, putting his arm over Shinji's shoulder "I wouldn't be here too, I could have helped it, you know. I bet the only one who enjoys this is She-Devil. And maybe Makinami. Man, that one is some weirdo, I tell you"

"Oh, yes. Who is that Makinami? Fuyutsuki mentioned her, but I don't really know…"

Toji stopped talking for a moment, eyeing around. Confirming nobody was listening to them; he leaned towards Shinji and whispered at his ear.

"Mari… Well, Makinami" he doubted "Well, she's… weird I guess you'd say. She's pretty obsessive about Eva. Like, totally nuts" he looked around some more "Look, between you and me, I think she's a bit nuts. I mean… She likes the smell of LCL. More than like, it _freakin' turns her on_. It's just weird"

"What's just weird?" a female voice asked just behind them. Toji jumped and got away, screaming 'Holy crap!' Shinji turned around, startled. Before him there was a girl, shorter than he was, with brown hair and thick glasses. She stared at him calmly.

"You are Shinji Ikari, aren't you?" she said in English "You don't look as tough as I imagined"

"You must be Makinami" Shinji said offering his hand, and ignoring the commentary the girl had made. He was used to it by now.

"You can call me Mari" she said, shaking the hand he offered "If we're going to fight together we must be able to have some trust in one another"

"I… guess?" Shinji said. That didn't make a lot of sense. Names and trust? He could see Toji behind her, pointing at the girl and forming the words 'She's nuts' with his mouth.

"Please, don't mind what Toji there says, he doesn't understand, that's all" Mari explained "LCL is the soup that gave life to all, it's just normal to enjoy being in it, right?"

"Sure…"

"I mean, it's not like it's weird to enjoy how it caresses your body trough the suit, or how it's warm fills your mouth and nose and lungs, and you feel so very alive right?

"I… suppose?" Shinji had noted her breath was accelerating a bit and the hand he was still holding was beginning to sweat a little.

"And then you feel one with it and…"

"Okay!" Toji interrupted, breaking the contact and grabbing Shinji's arm pulling it toward the exit "We're leaving now!"

Once they left the test room, Shinji looked at his friend.

"Eeem…" he started, "Just now…"

"Don't ask" Toji answered "Seriously, don't. Can't forget the day she caught Kensuke. Talked to her five minutes and almost jizzed his pants, the poor bastard"

I didn't need to know that, Shinji thought. Toji then got serious, a seriousness pretty unusual in him.

"Look, Shinji" he said "I'm very happy to see you and all but…" he scratched the back of his head "I don't know ho to put it, but you're a bastard, you know? Look, I know none of us were here, but what you did wasn't pretty"

Shinji raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"I mean She-Devil" Toji answered "I don't know, and I don't want to know. But she's pissed. A lot. More than I've ever seen and we've been around each other for four years now. Don't get me wrong, I know nothing about her. She tells no shit, I tell you. Just barks and abuses. You did a dick move. Hikari told me you didn't even say goodbye"

Shinji averted his eyes to the floor.

"I… tried" he murmured "It's just… It was kind of difficult, you see? Us… Well, she… I mean, I..."

Toji just put a hand on Shinji's shoulder.

"Told you I didn't want to know. Just… Dunno. Apologize or something"

"I…" Shinji started, before a blur of red distracted him. The same and only Asuka Langley Soryu passed him from behind. Be it because she didn't recognize him or because she ignored him, she didn't say a thing. Shinji took a step towards her, raising his hand a little.

"Asuka…" he almost whispered. The girl heard him nonetheless and turned around. She is pretty, Shinji thought. So much I feel bad looking at her, posing these eyes of me on her body.

Asuka looked at him for a few instants. Her eyes passed from recognition to surprise, to a hurt fury. She was hurt, Shinji could tell. Hurt that he said nothing before leaving, angry at him for his cowardice, confused at why he did it. And, without saying anything, she turned around and left.

Looking at her leaving figure, Shinji knew he wouldn't sleep tonight, either.


	4. Chapter 4

**Another one. Okay, let's begin moving a bit with the plot.**

**I still don't own Evangelion. Apparently, to buy something you need a thing called money. Tche…**

4- GHOST

Shinji looked around somewhat confused. The clock marked three in the morning, se he had been asleep for two hour now. That was a lot, at least for him. He then gritted his teeth, sitting on the bed. Not this again.

"So" Asuka asked ducking in front of him, I little smile in her lips, her only eye beaming at him "How did it feel? Meeting me again, that is"

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked, lifting her bandaged arm as to show it to him "Im just a reminder"

"I know that" Shinji answered "Are you here to keep tormenting me? I repent enough without you reminding me constantly of everything"

"Oh, but you don't" Asuka smiled cruelly "I won't let you forget, Shinji. What you did, what you wanted to do. What you dreamed of doing"

"I didn't want to…" Shinji started

"Of course you did" Asuka interrupted scratching her leg over the plug suit "You left me to die when I needed you the most. And then begged for my help and strangled me. Twice"

"Shut up"

"Forget the Angels. Or the mass production Evas" Asuka said with a sing-song voice "_You_ killed me. You're even worse than you father. At least he had some goal, unlike somebody I know"

"I told you to shut up…"

"If the actual me knew what you did…" Asuka continued "I'm pretty oblivious, am I not. Can't tell what really happened. How convenient for you"

"Shut up!" Shinji screamed, jumping up, grabbing her neck with both hands "Just shut the fuck up!"

Asuka sighed.

"This is getting old, Shinji" she whispered in a venomous voice "How many times do you have to kill me before you're satisfied?"

Shinji just clenched his hands as hard as he could. And then he was alone.

* * *

When Misato entered Shinji's barrack she found him in the kitchen, fighting to get a toast in his mouth without throwing up. He knew that he had to do what the doctor said, or else he would be dead the first time he battled with his Eva.

"How did you sleep?" Misato asked, greeting him with a smile.

"Not bad, I guess" Shinji replied with a faint smile.

Misato didn't reply, but she knew he had sleeping problems. The doctor had told her as her immediate superior. And he sure as hell didn't look like someone who's had a nice sleep.

"Well" she said after a few moments "Today you'll have your first synch test. It's been a long time since you piloted an Eva, so don't worry too much about the results"

Shinji swallowed hard. It looked like if there was someone with him, he could eat more easily.

"Does that mean they have already recovered Unit-01?" he asked.

Misato scratched her shin with a finger.

"Yes" she admitted "We received it two days before we found you. It's been difficult to get it to full condition again, you know"

Shinji nodded and got up with a sigh.

"Let's go, then"

* * *

Commander Fuyutsuki looked at the laptop screen with a frown. He then looked at his sub-commander, Albert Graf, former director of the German Branch.

"How long do we have?" he asked.

"It appeared in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean two hours ago. It's not travelling very fast, so we have one week until it reaches the Portuguese coast"

"Okay" Fuyutsuki said "Inform the UN higher ups and recommend closing all maritime and aerial traffic for one week. We'll send the pilots to the coast tomorrow, where they'll do a bit of field training and get to know the surrounding area"

"What about the designated pilots for Units-06 and 07? Their synch ratio is not good enough for a good performance in real battle"

"We'll bring them too, as backup" Fuyutsuki answered after thinking about it for a moment. In the worst case scenario, we can use them as a decoy the get the more able pilots out of a difficult situation"

"Roger" Graf agreed "And Unit-01? Today was its pilot's first test"

Fuyutsuki smiled.

"Don't worry about Unit-01. There will be no activation trouble with it"

* * *

Off-duty days are the damn best, Toji thought; caressing the soft forearm skin of the woman next to him. It was eleven in the morning, he had just had a sex session and the woman he loved was cuddling in his arms. Life's wasn't that bad, after all. He eyed at Hikari, noting the worried expression in her face.

"What's bugging you, hon?" he asked, moving his hand to touch her cheek.

"I was thinking about Shinji…" she whispered.

"Don't sweat about it" Toji joked "I was thinking about Misato"

Hikari punched him lightly in the chest.

"Idiot" she said "I was thinking about him… and Asuka"

Toji sighed.

"I know you're worried, but it's their problem" Toji said, continuing before his girlfriend could reply "Look, none of us were here when Shinji left. You only know what Asuka told you. That's biased"

Hikari tried to ask, but realized the boy was right. Shinji never struck her like the kind of person who does things without reason.

"And you've seen him" Toji continued "Come on, he just looks _sick_! I bet he himself has his fair deal of problems"

Hikari nodded pensively.

"You have a point…" she purred, curling up a bit more against him "When did you become the smart one in this relationship?"

Toji blushed lightly.

"Oh, cut me some slack, Class Rep"

* * *

Shinji stared at the massive purple-armoured face of the Eva Unit-01. This situation reminded him of the first time he had seen it. And it still aroused a primal fear in him. He had become one with the machine too many times to not know that it feed from his fear and self-doubt. He also knew the soul of his mother was trapped there, but he was painfully aware that it was in a very primary state. She felt the need to protect him, but wouldn't recognize him ever. She only wanted him to join her into the monster and become one with it.

Shinji passed his hand for his recently cut hair. No more ponytails for him, Misato had said. The boy averted his eyes from the massive robot, heading for the plug, the tightness of the plug suit bringing him a strange mix of fear, excitement and nostalgia. Something told him that piloting Unit-01 after triggering Third Impact would be somewhat different. He felt connected to the machine, even without being inside of it.

Sitting in the plug and grabbing the controllers, Shinji thought about what Mari had told him about the LCL. In a sense, she was right. Once you had become used to the liquid entering the lungs, it was a pretty comfortable place to be. It was neither hot nor cold, and didn't give the impression of being a liquid at all. He wondered if being in the womb of a mother felt like that.

"Okay Shinji" Misato said "You can start when you're ready"

Shinji nodded and inhaled deeply, trying to remember the old feeling of connection. 'Don't think', Shinji said to himself. 'Don't worry, don't hope. Just feel'

"Synch Ratio 60% and increasing, Mayor" one of the computer technicians informed, looking at the computer screen.

"Good, Shinji" she said to the comm. "Keep it up. Try to move your arm"

Shinji obliged. 'Raise you right arm', he thought; feeling a little wave of pride when he saw the massive creature moving.

"Synch Ratio at 97% and stable, Mayor"

Misato whistled in awe. Now she didn't expect that. First test in five years and Shinji had already topped Toji.

"Well done, Shinji" she said "Now…"

"Synch Ratio rocketed, Mayor!" the technician interrupted "137% and rising, Madam!"

'Holy…' Misato thought.

"Hey, Shinji, you hear me?" she asked.

"Yeah? Any problem, Misato?" Shinji asked, making his Eva duck. It all seemed to work perfectly.

"Well, no…" Misato answered "You've done very well. I think you can get out now"

"Do you think I could pierce through the roof if I jumped hard enough?" Shinji said in a whisper.

"What?"

"Nothing" Shinji said, cutting the connection, and waiting for the plug to leave the Eva.

All the personnel in the computer room looked in disbelief at the computer screens. One of the German technicians gulped before talking.

"Top score of pilot Ikari's test" he said "Synch ratio of 184%, Mayor"

Misato nodded.

"Don't tell Lieutenant Soryu" she said "She wouldn't like it very much"

Misato bit her lip. That was ridiculous. How could Shinji, after five years of inactivity obliterate all records without going berserker? She failed to notice the small tremor on the jaw armour of the Eva.

* * *

Shinji looked at the list the doctor had made for him and frowned. He had trouble swallowing a simple toast, how was he supposed to eat all the things in the list? He decided to start slowly and grabbed some pasta and a steak in the cafeteria. He looked for an empty seat, locating one near one fake window. The whole facility was undergrounds, but they had placed various informatic windows simulating outside views. It helped prevent claustrophobia and other stress problems related to living underground.

Shinji seated and looked at it. It simulated a sunny day, with nice white clouds. It took Shinji ten seconds to discover the loop. A loud bang against the table interrupted his fake window staring. When he averted his eyes, Asuka was glaring at him.

* * *

"What do you mean, 'Angel'?" Keel Lorenz asked. The rest of the members of the Instrumentality Committee started murmuring. Fuyutsuki tried not to make a disgusted grimace. Why did those old men have to make it out of the Sea of LCL?

"As you can see in the images I sent you" Fuyutsuki explained "A giant object appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the Atlantic. Since then, it has been moving towards Europe. Given our previous… 'experience', at Nerv we are inclined to think that it's indeed an Angel or, at least, a very similar creature. Unfortunately, it's by far too away for us to confirm its wave pattern. Just in case, I ordered the Evangelion units we currently have to be deployed at the Portuguese coast to intercept it"

Lorenz nodded in agreement.

"But…" one of the members started "How is that possible? I mean, the Dead Sea Scrolls…"

"We're still here" Lorenz interrupted "That's enough answer" he then directed his attention to Fuyutsuki once again "Deploy the Evas. Confirm the nature of the creature and destroy it"

With that, the Instrumentality Committee monoliths disappeared one by one. Fuyutsuki sighed. He was too old for this kind of shit.

* * *

"Start eating. Now" Asuka growled "I'm not here because I enjoy your company"

'I figured that much', Shinji thought, though he didn't say it. It wouldn't be a smart move.

"Misato told you to keep an eye on me?" Shinji asked, receiving only silence for an answer "Yes, it was Misato"

For a few minutes he chewed and swallowed without saying anything, the knot in his throat and stomach making difficult to enjoy the meal, but he didn't really had a choice. Besides, he was kind of sick of being always kind of head-lighted. He had enough trouble with not sleeping.

While Shinji was thinking, Asuka finished her meal and left her fork. Se proceeded to glare the boy in front of him.

"You look like shit" she spat "I mean, even worse than before, and that's saying"

"I'm getting that a lot lately" Shinji "I guess it's true. Working on it, though"

Asuka's eyebrow twitched and she slammed both hands on the table, making everybody look their way. When they saw it was Asuka's doing, they quickly resumed their meals.

"Enough…" Asuka growled "Why are you here?"

"What do you think?" Shinji said, finishing the pasta and starting to cut his meat "To pilot Unit-01 obviously"

"I'm not talking about that"

"Then I don't understand" Shinji said "The only reason I'm here is because Fuyutsuki 'asked' me to pilot again"

Asuke gritted her teeth before jumping up and grabbing his arm, dragging him out of the cafeteria.

"I was not finished yet!" Shinji complained, before Asuka slammed him against the wall of a barrack.

"Ouch!" he complained "What the…?"

His complaint was cut by a punch in his face, making him hit against the wall. Asuka grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

"Who do you think you are?" she growled, more dangerous now than screaming "You think you can come and go by like you're some kind of great shit?"

Shinji frowned and freed himself.

"I don't" he answered "I'm here because they told me. I know you don't want me here"

"Damn right I don't" Asuka replied "I don't know what they are thinking, letting someone like _you_ roam free and well. You should be in a fucking cell"

Shinji didn't answer, and that only made Asuka angrier.

"I read your stupid note" she whispered, coldly "You're 'sorry', huh? Damn, I don't remember much from before the Third Impact, but if half the things I remember are true, you really have reasons to be sorry, Third Child"

Her ranting was interrupted by a megaphone call, telling all the pilots to go to the synch tests room. Asuka looked at him, like she wasn't sure to add something else, but she seemed to discard the thought. She just turned around and left.

"I'm pretty mad, huh?" the bandaged Asuka whispered to his ear "But it's nothing compared to how I'll feel if the blurry memories from the past make themselves clear again. You sure did a good job, making sure the memories of before Third Impact and Instrumentality were blurry and confused for everyone. I guess you can do something right, after all"

Shinji ignored the ghost and followed Asuka.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello there, people! I'm happy you enjoyed the previous chapter. Well, you asked for it, so here it is. Another chapter of Dark Kabbalah.**

**I think I'm starting to get the pace now. And, since arrogance is the worst enemy, I want you to point out any mistake you find, any fault you read, anything that could be improved. Don't let me get comfortable! I don't want to give you rubbish, only the best my ability can give. And for that I need your guidance.**

**As always, English is not my first language. Point out any grammatical or spelling errors, for I can repair them in future chapters and rewrites.**

**Oh, yeah. And I don't own Evangelion.**

5- DREAMLAND

"The object appeared in the Atlantic Ocean eight hours ago" Fuyutsuki informed the six pilots, showing them a fragment from the video of the suspected Angel. It was a simple black sphere, which seemed to absorb the light around itself, causing the effect of being a moving hole. Every now and then it would stop, lose a bit its shape with a shake and then recover.

"As you can see" Fuyutsuki continued "It's obviously not a creature we know about and we suspect it may be an Angel"

"You _suspect_?" Asuka repeated in disbelief "Commander, _just look at the thing_. It's obviously an Angel"

"You may be right, Lieutenant but, as I'm sure you know, an organization like Nerv cannot act based in just the external appearance of the target" Fuyutsuki answered "I'm sure you know what would have happened with the Thirteenth Angel if we had acted based in it's appearance"

For the corner of the eye, Shinji saw Asuka bit her lower lip, while Toji touched imperceptibly his right leg, or the prosthesis that was in its place. Shinji shivered lightly at the memory of that day. For different reasons, reminiscing that day was unkind for all of them.

"You six" Fuyutsuki continued "Will depart tomorrow 04:00 a.m. to the estimated place of contact. You'll do field training with you units and will study the terrain. Our technicians calculated that the target will arrive to land twenty kilometres away from Lisboa. You are to destroy it before he reaches the city. Europe is not Japan; they have never suffered the attack of an Angel. It will take a while for all the shelters to be finished. Do you have any questions?"

Mari raised her hand.

"Do we know where its core is?"

"Not yet" Fuyutsuki answered "But, looking at his aspect, he looks to still be in a primary state, so it should be in its interior"

"And how will we fight and train there?" Shinji asked "We'll be far away from any Nerv facility, what about the umbilical cords?"

"You don't have to worry about that" Fuyutsuki said "In the five years since Third Impact, our research team has developed a long term internal battery. It's supposed to last for three hours at minimal operation. The units will be retrieved and recharged in Lisboa everyday until the attack"

The pilots didn't say anything. Three hours was way better that the five minutes they had before, but was still a close call to battle an Angel. It could take a few minutes or more than a day.

"What about the portable Umbilical Cords?" Mari asked.

"Too close to the Angel to be effective. They would be destroyed in a blink. In addition, they need human operators to work. We can't have our people near the battlefield without protection"

The six pilots nodded. Then Fuyutsuki smiled a bit. Shinji didn't like how that smile was directed directly at him.

"And if the worst comes, we still have a trump card" he said "Am I right, pilot Ikari?"

Shinji felt the eyes of his comrades on him, but didn't avert his gaze from the Commander. Of course Shinji knew what he was talking about. The other pilots didn't know it, but Unit-01 had its own S² Engine, a battle trophy from its victory against the Fourteenth Angel.

"I suppose so, Commander"

* * *

Misato Katsuragi was worried. A lot. She looked at the papers in front of her again, but she still couldn't come up with a good battle plan against whatever was floating towards Europe. She, like everyone else, was convinced that it was an Angel, even if they didn't have the wave pattern confirmation.

The problem of the whole operation was the insistence of Fuyutsuki to use all six Eva units. She couldn't understand. If she could decide, she would only send Asuka and Mari, with Toji as back-up. Kensuke and Hikari wouldn't be of any use in a real battle, they even had trouble making their Evas move. As for Shinji, Misato wanted to make him stay as away as possible from Unit-01. She couldn't explain why, but since the synch test from that morning she had a bad feeling about it. It was just not normal. Shinji had obliterated every established record in history, in his first day getting in an Eva after five years of inactivity. Something was dangerously off.

And, besides, it was just not an intelligent decision to put Shinji and Asuka in the same combat team. Misato and Asuka, despite having lived together for almost a year, were never close, but she could tell she was disturbed. Misato couldn't blame her, though. For a few seconds she considered making a visit to her former ward, but rejected the idea. She wouldn't tell her anything, like always. Misato sighed deeply. When did she stop trying to help her wards?

With a frustrated growl, she returned to the maps and data on pilots and units she had on her desk. If she had to use them all, without killing anyone, she had to make sure Unit-06 and 07 didn't engage the Angel. And Toji had very good synch, like Mari, but neither of them had real experience in combat, and making them fight in close quarters wasn't wise.

That left her with the major problem. Shinji and Asuka had to fight together and work with each other. She feared that the almost spiritual bond they shared during the fight with the Seventh Angel was damaged beyond repair.

* * *

Asuka hated her situation. They should just send her to Portugal. She couldn't understand why they had to take everybody there. Kensuke couldn't pilot for his life, and she didn't want Hikari to fight with her synch rate. She would get killed. As for Suzuhara and Makinami… Well, they had good synch rates, but were total rookies. They would only get in her way.

And Shinji… No, the Third Child. That one should even be in Nerv. What he did five years ago… In her new military life, that was called 'desertion'. And it was a grave crime. She still couldn't understand why Fuyutsuki wanted him so badly. He wasn't even that good.

_Stop lying._

Oh, _scheiss_. There she was again. Every time that wimp was involved, her brain refused to stick to what she wanted to think. Why couldn't she just hate him in peace?

_Because you don't hate him._

Oh, shut up. Of course she did. When she focused enough, she could make out little fragments of the hours prior to the Third Impact, and even some parts of Instrumentality. She could remember her Mama, inside Unit-02. She could remember fighting with the Eva series. And she could remember dying alone, waiting for a person who never came.

She could also remember a scream. His scream. How, she couldn't tell. She was supposed to be dead at the time. But she still had nightmares about that scream. If she could put a voice to losing one's sanity, it would be that shouting.

She could also remember things that actually never happened. Thoughts and feelings that weren't her own. And, floating there, she heard his words; the final, the top of a life of suffering and sorrow. 'Then, they can all die'

Asuka growled. That was ridiculous. It wasn't like Shinji was some kind of Messiah, or something. And if he really killed them all, they wouldn't be there.

She could also remember, rather easily, his chocking. She didn't know why he had tried to kill her, but just when she caressed his cheek, he stopped. She still couldn't figure out why she did that. But it seemed appropriate at the time. In some way, she was grateful. She was in pain, both physically and mentally. She was tired. So very, very tired. She could only be grateful to the one that was going to let her rest. But he didn't. When she touched him, he looked at her as he was seeing her for the first time, and broke. Just like that.

And then, he was gone. For good. Without saying anything, he left. She didn't know how, when or why. But she knew he just hadn't left before because of her. And she hated it. She did not need the pity of anyone, especially his.

_That's not it, isn't it?_

No. Of course it wasn't that. She didn't hate him for that. She could understand him wanting to leave. She didn't know his reasons, but she could relate.

Because she wanted to, too. She dreamed of leaving that stupid underground base. She wished she had actually escaped before they reconstructed Unit-02. She hated Nerv and what they represented, she hated Seele and what they did, she hated the Eva because it only brought suffering to her, she hated herself for being a coward, for clinging to the warmth borrowed from a soul trapped in a monster. And she hated Shinji more than everything else.

She hated him because he left. She hated him for leaving her alone, just like the rest of the people in her life did. She hated him because he didn't ask, or think of her. She hated him for being so damn selfish.

And, above everything else, she hated him because he didn't take her with him.

* * *

Shinji was having a weird dream. It was a nice change from the nightmares, but it was kind of creepy. He was there, in front of himself. In fact, he was in front of three of him. One of them was him as a toddler, another was him as a teenager, and the last one was the him of just a few days prior, long hair and unshaved shin included.

"Hey" he said. The other three Shinjis didn't greet him back. They just stared.

"So" Shinji continued "You are not going to say anything?"

"Where's daddy?" the toddler asked. The teenager shrugged, while the oldest one made a sarcastic sound.

"Pretty dead" he answered "Unit-01 ate him. Just one bite. You know, 'Om, nom, nom!' and all that"

The teenager Shinji made a horrified shriek.

"I killed him?" he asked anxiously.

"You wish. Unit-01 did it by itself"

"Evas can't move by themselves"

"Damn right they can" the older one retorted "What about Berserker Mode. I wish you don't think _you_ were making the move Eva like that, do you? You couldn't do that in your wildest dreams"

The teenager just lowered his head.

"Sorry"

Old Shinji buffed angrily.

"Stop doing that, dammit" he said "Damn, I hate myself" he then turned to the toddler Shinji, who had been crying loudly for a while

"Will you just shut the fuck up?!" he screamed, which only made the little boy cry even louder.

Shinji kept staring at them. Finally, the older Shinji turned to look at him.

"What about you?" he asked "Don't you have anything to say?"

"Not really"

"I want my daddy!" toddler Shinji cried.

"Suck it, brat" older Shinji reproached him "Your father is a damn bastard. Learn to live with it"

"You don't have to be so rude" teenage Shinji intervened with a whisper.

"You shut up"

"Sorry"

Older Shinji roared in frustration.

"Fuck!" he cursed "I hate you!"

Shinji just stared, as the long-haired version of him started walking in circles.

"I hate you all so fucking much!" he finally snapped. He than glared at Shinji, he kept looking at him "Especially you! I hate you the most!"

Shinji then woke up. He looked at his alarm clock. It marked a quarter past four in the morning. He whistled in awe. Despite the bizarre dream, he had been sleeping almost four hours. That had to be a personal record. He looked around. Asuka wasn't there either, so he turned around and tried to sleep again. This time, however, his dreams were about death, and pain, and Asuka. He was awake before an hour had passed, and he couldn't fall sleep again.

* * *

Fuyutsuki rubbed his eyes tiredly, but he rapidly averted his gaze to the computer screen again. The appearance of that new Angel opened a lot of possibilities, until now left without exploration. Those old men in Seele were so obtuse they probably weren't able to understand what was happening. They clung to the Dead Sea Scrolls like they were the absolute truth. Now that Instrumentality was officially aborted, they just couldn't shake off the confusion. The Scrolls predicted Third Impact. The Scrolls only talked about seventeen Angels. The Scrolls this. The Scrolls that. Fuyutsuki grimaced in disdain. They just couldn't think outside the box. They couldn't understand that Instrumentality didn't have to be absolute. They couldn't conceive that the Dead Sea Scrolls were not the only thing to read the past, the present and the future. They were too blind to accept a reality that wasn't the one they wanted.

Not like Gendo Ikari. And now, Fuyutsuki.

To be honest with himself, Fuyutsuki never liker Ikari very much but now, looking at the files in the computer, he had to admit the he had been a genius. A man of extraordinary insight and foreshadow. It was all in the screen. Fuyutsuki couldn't believe it. Gendo Ikari really had a plan B for the end of the world. And what was even more incredible, he managed to keep it a secret from everybody. But Fuyutsuki had it in his hands now. The reverse side of the Dead Sea Scrolls. It was his, now. He was the one with all the answers, now.

Where Gendo Ikari had failed; he, Kozo Fuyutsuki, the man in the shadow of Ikari, would succeed.

Everything was in motion again. Seele still didn't know it, but the wheels of fate had begun to move again. Now that Shinji Ikari was here and Unit-01 was functional again he could restart again. With the apparition of the Fallen Ones, he could begin moving. But first he had to locate Adam. Once that was done, everything would be alright. Everything would come to place. Like it was supposed to.

"Yui…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, here I am again. I bring you another chapter, I hope you like it. **

**Mmmmh… I can't shake the feeling that maybe the character development is going too fast paced. What do you think?**

**And I don't own Evangelion. Do I really have to say this every chapter?**

6- NABERIUS (I)

"Okay, guys" Misato said "We will now time how long does it take for an EVA to get to the clash point from here"

Shinji nodded, even if he knew that Misato couldn't see his gesture. It was a twenty kilometres dash. He could cover that distance in less than a minute, he had done it so before, but Kensuke and Hikari were different. He had seen them. They almost couldn't make their Eva's walk straight, so a mad dash was out of the question.

Shinji looked right and left. On the right side of his Eva, Toji was getting his Eva in position; like Makinami was, not too far away. On his left, Asuka was already in position, and Shinji was sure she was getting impatient. He would have betted his left hand that this was only another way to prove her superiority, this time by getting there the first.

Behind him, however, Kensuke and Hikari were having a lot of trouble squatting. Their Evas were shaking in precarious equilibrium, just when Misato gave the order to launch.

Shinji made his umbilical cord fall, just when he started to run. Behind him, he heard the loud noise of various tonnes of flesh and metal falling to the grounds, meaning at least one Eva had tripped. On his left, Asuka was already taking the lead, so he grabbed his controllers tighter and focused his entire mind in the legs. Right, left. Right, left.

In a little more than a second, he caught up with Unit-02, which looked his way. Shinji could almost see Asuka gritting her teeth, as the enormous red Eva accelerated even more, stomping trees and cracking the soil at its path. Shinji frowned. Part of him wanted to give her the chance to show of, but another part of his mind wanted the praise for himself. Which was a pretty immature thought considering that he was already twenty. Before he could decide, however, he reached the beach, where Asuka was already stopping, raising a cloud of dust, sand and water when she reached the sea.

Shinji slowed down, looking back to see Toji and Mari arriving almost at the same time, followed at the distance by the orange Unit-07 piloted by Hikari wobbling like a drunkard. Unit-06 was even farther away, trying to catch up with them and failing miserably.

Shinji sighed. He really wished Misato wasn't planning on putting those two in the Angel's range. He really wasn't looking forward to bury his friends. They all already had high death probability without increasing it unnecessarily. As Hikari and Kensuke finally managed to arrive where the rest were, Misato's face appeared in everybody's screen.

"Well done, everyone" she said "Asuka and Shinji arrived in a bit less than a minute. We'll do this everyday from now on, so try beating that time. With limited batteries, every second you can scratch is pure gold"

Shinji nodded. So what Misato had said, without actually saying it, was that Hikari and Kensuke were to stay in Lisboa the day of the fight. If they couldn't even make a dash if the Angel broke the predictions and appeared before time, they would only get killed. From his earphones, he could hear a faint sigh of relief, but couldn't make out who it had been. Probably Toji. The thought of Hikari engaging the Angel was eating him from the inside.

"Alright" Misato continued, making Shinji pay attention again "Now I want you guys to make a through recording of all the terrain in a ten kilometres perimeter from the beach. That will be the battlefield. So, to put it bluntly, you are not allowed to let that thing pass that perimeter"

Shinji nodded and started walking, scanning the soil and memorizing all he could: disposition of trees, eventual big rocks, and especially, the zones that could be easily destroyed, making the Eva's lose their balance. It was bad enough fighting so close to the sea, were a well placed hit from an Angel could throw an Eva at the bottom of the ocean, making it completely useless.

Shinji sighed. It was going to be a long five days.

* * *

Fuyutsuki growled in frustration. It was a good thing that he was alone, so that nobody could hear his complains. If it were up to him, he would already be in Japan, searching the ruins of the GeoFront for Adam's embryo. He knew it had to be there. He knew Lilith was beyond recovery, as getting that massive body without calling the attention of Seele was impossible, but getting the embryo would be easier, if he disguised the operation as a form of recover Nerv information on Project Eva. The excuse that Gendo Ikari had hidden information sounded plausible enough to convince Seele to let him scavenge Tokyo-3 ruins. Even more now that the Fallen Ones had appeared, and Nerv had become once again the only hope of humanity.

Fuyutsuki smiled. He'd waited long years for this. A few more weeks wouldn't kill him. He had always been patient. Patient and observant.

* * *

"Okay Asuka, Shinji" Misato said. If Shinji didn't know better he would have believed she was actually suppressing her laughter "Whenever you're ready"

"Do we _really_ have to do this?" Shinji complained "We never did before. It's ridiculous. And dangerous"

"That why we are here" Misato explained. Shinji could actually _feel_ her smile. In front of him, Unit-02 was tapping its foot impatiently "If this goes out of control, we stop it"

"What if an Eva gets badly damaged?" Shinji asked, refraining from saying 'pilot'.

"Don't worry, Third Child" Asuka's voice interrupted "I'll be gentle with you"

"Obvious sex joke!" a male voice screamed from Misato's side. Shinji could hear some struggling over the microphone and something that sounded like Hikari saying 'Shut up, Toji!'

"Don't be easy on her!" Toji screamed. His voice was irregular, which meant he still was fighting over the micro "I betted hard on you, don't let me down"

"That's not the…" Shinji started, before the words sank "Wait, you're _betting_ on this?!"

"Damn right we are!" Toji screamed, before Shinji heard a loud smack and Misato recovered the micro. Shinji still could hear the words 'She-Demon' and 'Shit-load of money'

"Don't mind him" Misato said "We start in five seconds"

"You're _freaking betting_ on this?!"

"Four…" Misato counted.

"Shouldn't a simulation be better?"

"Three…"

"Asuka" Shinji changed his strategy "This is crazy…"

"It's 'Lieutenant' for you, Third child" Asuka answered.

"Two…"

"And you don't know just how long I've been waiting for this" Asuka continued.

"But…"

"One…"

"Aw, f…" Shinji started, before being cut by Misato's shout.

"Go!"

Shinji gasped and jumped to his side, just as Unit-02 dashed towards him and threw its hand at him. Shinji backed away with a jump, trying to make some distance between his Eva and Asuka's.

As he put more distance and tried to regain his composure he cursed between his teeth. Whose idea had this been, again? Oh, yeah. Misato's, of course. It's been five years since you both fought a real Angel, she said. For once we have the time to prepare properly, she said. A bit of hand-to-hand combat practice will be good, she said. It'll be fun, she said. Well, Shinji thought, jumping back again to evade a dropping kick. I'm sure as hell not having fun.

"Stop running away, dammit!" Toji's voice screamed in his ear. He apparently had seized control of the micro again "If I lose my money it'll be your fault!"

Oh, shut up; Shinji thought. He cursed mentally. This was probably the worst situation possible. He didn't want to fight Asuka, even if it was a sparring match. It just didn't feel right. He was so caught up in his thoughts that Unit-02 was finally able to grab a hold of him. With a lock that Shinji was sure Asuka had practiced a million times in humanoid simulation Angels, she pinned him down.

"Ha!" she laughed in Shinji's ear "Eat this, Third Child!"

Shinji grumbled. Maybe if he didn't fight back, they would leave him alone and stop this nonsense.

"Can I surrender now?" Shinji asked.

"You wish" Asuka's voice replied him "Right now I'm gonna…"

Shinji never had the chance to know what Asuka had planed to do to him, since everything around them exploded in a giant blinding light.

* * *

"What the hell was that?!" Misato screamed on the operator's ear "What happened?!"

"W-we don't know, madam" the operator said, searching in the screen frantically. Misato turned her head.

"I want visual _right now_!" she shouted "Report the pilot's status!" Misato's eyes widened when a realization hit her "I want the footage of the last seconds of the target's activity right this instant!"

"Unit-01 pilot stable and aware! Unit-01 all quite!" an operator said.

"Unit-02 received light damage in the head and the neck! Pilot stable but not responding!"

Misato cursed, just as the images of the Angel on the ocean appeared in front of the command room. It showed the black sphere floating and, suddenly, morphing itself into a cone. From the vortex, a small fraction of that black matter was shot.

"Son of a bitch…" Misato growled "I want live footage of that thing now!"

The giant screen flickered a bit as the image changed. The Angel had recovered its spherical form, as nothing had happened.

"Shinji!" Misato screamed at the micro he had taken from Toji's hands "Can you hear me?! Shinji!"

"Uuurgh…" came from the speakers "I… Holy God!"

Misato was about to ask him what the matter was, but then they recovered the image of the beach. What the previous day had been a nice beach surrounded by trees had become an enormous crater filled with ocean water.

"Oh, dammit…Shinji, can you see Asuka?" Misato asked.

"Yeah" Shinji said "We were knocked over pretty hard. She's over there, but she's not moving"

"According to her vitals she's unconscious" Misato explained "Recover her and retreat. It was the Angel's doing. Get out of there _now_!"

"Roger!" Shinji responded, before jumping and landing next to the motionless Unit-02. Passing its arm over Unit-01 shoulders, Shinji willed the Eva to move towards Lisboa as fast as it could.

* * *

Asuka woke up with a terrible headache. She squinted her eyes, the bright light coming from the window hurting them. Where was she? She remembered the sparring match, pinning that idiot Shinji down (damn that felt _good_) and, then, that blinding light.

"Glad to see you are awake" a voice on her left said. She turned her head and saw the last person in the Earth she wanted to see her in a hospital bed. _Scheiss_.

Ignoring the glare shot at his direction, Shinji got up from his bed, where he had been sitting.

"Where are we?" Asuka asked.

"Lisboa" Shinji answered "At the provisional HQ. Apparently, the Angel shot some kind of bomb to us. You got knocked out"

"Please, tell me you're not the one who brought me here" Asuka groaned.

Shinji shrugged, and Asuka let out a mouthful of curses in German. Shinji doubted if he should tell her that he could understand what she was saying.

"How long have I been out?"

"Not more than three hours" Shinji said "Misato is now having a meeting about what to do now that we know that Angel can nuke us from the middle of the sea"

Asuka got up and groaned as she touched lightly the bandage in her temple. Perfect. Just perfect.

"Asuka…" Shinji started.

"I think I told you it is 'Lieutenant', Third"

Shinji sighed.

"Fine. Lieutenant" he conceded "Misato said to report there as soon as you woke up"

"Peachy" Asuka growled as she got up. Someone had put out her plug-suit and dressed her with a hospital robe. She saw a uniform on the chair next to her bed. She then looked at Shinji, who didn't look like he was going to move anytime soon.

"Do you mind?" she asked sarcastically.

"No" Shinji answered "Go ahead"

Asuka raised an eyebrow. Did Shinji really make a joke? Was he really screwing with _her_? Why the hell wasn't he stuttering and blushing and making a fool of himself?

"Get out. _Now_"

* * *

Fuyutsuki frowned at the papers Misato had given him. He already knew what was written in them. Sub-commander Grant was the first one to talk.

"I don't understand this" he said "Looking at the speed and range of the bomb, it could shoot us now, in Lisboa. Or it could have shot all the Evas yesterday after the speed test. Why today?"

"Something must have unsettled it" Misato answered "I don't know what. But I'm sure of something: we can't train near the coast anymore. We can't risk the pilots like that"

"But we don't have any type of simulation program here" Grant complained "Our Evas will be forced to engage the target without proper training and almost without time to prepare before the battle!"

Misato smiled lightly, looking directly at Fuyutsuki. She knew the Commander could understand. The corner of Fuyutsuki's mouth twitched a bit as he tried to suppress his own smile.

"Just like in the old times, isn't that so Mayor?"

Misato nodded. She then scratched her chin.

"Commander…" she started unsurely "There's something more I wanted to talk about…"

"Be my guest"

"It's about the Evas' deploy, sir" Misato said. It was bugging her too much to keep silent about this "With all due respect, I fail to see the logic in wanting to deploy all the Evas. Units 06 and 07 aren't ready for combat. You saw the speed test yesterday"

"I know" Fuyutsuki said "But we need all the units here. Even if they don't engage, I want them here just in case. Imagine the other four units are defeated"

"Sir" Misato countered "If that happened, Kensuke and Hikari wouldn't be able to help us. Just think about the mental damage they would take in knowing their friend just died"

"Then pray that doesn't happen"

"But, sir…" Misato started, before being interrupted.

"Something else, Mayor?" Fuyutsuki asked, given the discussion as ended.

Misato thought for a second to voice her doubts about Unit-01, but decided against it. After all, there was no real problem with the Eva of the pilot. Just a gut feeling she just couldn't shake off.

"No, sir"

"Then you may leave"

"Yes, sir" Misato said before saluting and leaving the office.

* * *

Shinji was trying to sleep, but the flying figure just wouldn't leave him alone.

"Aw, come on" Asuka grinned "Don't look at me like that. Haven't you missed me?"

Shinji didn't answer. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"But I have to say it. I'm impressed" Asuka said in a fake amused voice "You managed to stay in the same hospital room as me without jerking off. Really impressive"

Shinji bit his lower lip as hard as he could, wishing the intense pain would make the ghost go away.

"But, you see" she continued "I'm starting to feel self-conscious. Even since you met me you haven't been paying attention to what I say. I hate it when you don't pay attention to me"

Shinji knew that, of course. The old Asuka, the Asuka before Third Impact was like that, too. He knew that, now.

"So you'll be fighting the Angel in a few days" Asuka said after a few moments of silence "Try not to get killed, okay?"

Shinji raised an eyebrow, to which Asuka smiled cruelly.

"Don't misunderstand" she said with a huge smile "The embrace of death would be too good for someone like you"

Shinji sighed. He figured she'd say something like that.

"I was wondering" Asuka said "What if things get ugly? Will you leave me to die again?"

Shinji was about to answer, but then the alarms went off.

And all hell broke loose.


	7. Chapter 7

**Buff! Finally done. This one was a difficult chapter to write.**

**Well, this is the first time I've written an Evangelion battle, I wish it's well done and it's not too lame or confusing.**

**Well, that's all from me; I hope you like it.**

7-NABERIUS (II)

_Misato gulped, her gaze fixed in the big screen showing the ruined battlefield, the two knocked Eva units and the horrible figure of the blood-soaked Unit-01, little clouds of steam floating from its mouth, dripping blood and guts. Unit-02 was at a little distance, ready to jump and immobilize it_

"_Pilots of units 04 and 05 alive but unconscious, Mayor"_

"_I see…" Misato answered slowly "Asuka, recover Unit-04 first…"_

_Asuka didn't answer, but her Eva started to move and grabbed the crippled Unit-04. A soft moan could be heard form Toji's microphone. Misato gulped._

"_Shinji?" she asked softly "Are you okay?"_

_She only heard the sound of vomiting and a soft 'thud'. She also heard heavy breathing._

"_I feel sick…" Shinji whispered._

* * *

Shinji stormed out of his room shoeless and with only his shorts and sleeping t-shirt, to be greeted by his fellow pilots in the hallway. From the door right next to him, Toji and Hikari emerged, the first wearing only a pair of shorts and Hikari a t-shirt that obviously wasn't hers. It looked like they had been busy when the alarms went off, judging by their expressions. Kensuke appeared in front of him, in a horrible checked pyjama, just as Mari appeared from the back of the hallway in a green pyjama, tying her hair up. Asuka appeared the last, putting her neural clips on, with a shirt and really short shorts. Shinji pushed the last thought to the back on his head.

"Come on" Asuka said "It's time for us to earn our salary"

The oddly clothed pilots followed the Lieutenant, bypassing Nerv operators who were shouting contradictory orders in an odd mixture of German, English and Japanese. Shinji frowned, since he knew the only thing that could cause such chaos to invade a Nerv post. When he was about to open his mouth to say what everybody knew, they were approached by Misato, a serious and determined look in her face that only confirmed Shinji's suspicion.

"The target is here" she said, tossing them a bunch of colourful clothes. They were six plug-suits "Get changed. Now. We launch in five minutes"

With that said, she hurriedly left for the control room. Asuka looked at them at opened a door. It was a maintenance room, but it would do.

"Girls inside. Boys outside. Now" she ordered. The pilots obeyed. They weren't kids anymore, and the situation wasn't one to ponder in public nudity. As Shinji hurriedly put on his suit, he could hear his friends breathing. Kensuke's was hurried and short, and Shinji feared he would start to hyperventilate. Toji's was deliberately calm and slow. Too artificial. He knew Toji himself was trying to collect himself and cast away the dreadful thoughts, out of fear of cracking up. Then Shinji realized that, even if technically Kensuke and Toji had been training longer than him, it was the first time they were facing an Angel.

"It's alright" he simply said, pressing the left wrist button that made the plug-suit tighten around his body. He did not add anything else. He didn't know what else to say, and if he insisted it would have been humiliating for his fellow pilots. Just as Kensuke pressed the button, the door opened and Asuka and the others left the room.

"Let's go" the redhead said.

As Shinji followed her at a steady pace, he was kind of surprised of the calmness that he felt. He then thought that it had always been the same. With the exception of his first time, he always had entered the battle with the same cold indifference. It was when bullets started flying, and knifes were pulled, and beams were shot, and blood was spilled that he entered a state of primal fear. Misato had always praised him as a pilot, but she didn't know that all his rage, all his strength and everything he did in an Eva was fuelled by fear. By the absolute certainty that he was going to die, as well as everything he held dear.

When the six pilots reached the plug area, Shinji eyed Asuka as she barked orders here and there, and frowned. Now was not the time. Everything was too fast, too hurried and definitely too wrong. He still marvelled at how he managed to screw everything up. He shook his head and entered the plug. Now's not the time, he repeated himself. He waited to the plug to be filled with the LCL to take a deep breath to make the liquid fill his lungs. He no longer hated the sensation, but he got that feeling again. He felt that he was too close to the Eva. Dangerously close. Like it could swallow him whole.

"Okay" said Misato's voice "Unit-01 and Unit-02 will be the first one to go. They are to engage the target in close quarters. Unit-04 and Unit-05 will follow them at little distance, to provide cover with long range weapons. Unit-06 and Unit-07 are to be in stand by. Any questions?"

"Yes" Toji said "Why the hell is that thing here already? We were supposed to have a few more days!"

"We don't know" Misato said "The target suddenly disappeared and reappeared in the beach. Just like that"

"Have we confirmed that it is an Angel?" Asuka asked. Shinji could feel the doubt in Misato's voice.

"Not really" she confessed "The wave pattern exam isn't conclusive, yet"

"I don't think it matters" Mari interrupted "We just have to go and kill it, Angel or not"

"And how do you propose we do that?" Asuka growled "If it's not an Angel it'll have no core"

"We tear it to shreds" Mari answered as if it was obvious "Angel or not, that is bound to damage it a bit"

Shinji groaned as he heard Asuka's rant at how Mari was an idiot, and she was a higher rank officer, and that Mari should put her tongue up her own butt since she knew nothing and not argue with her. Asuka's angry row could have continued for a bit, but the enormous gate connecting the Eva with the outside world opened. Shinji grabbed the gigantic pistol that was in the right side of his Eva and from the corner of his eye he saw Asuka taking a massive halberd.

"Release the Evas!" Misato's voice ordered. As Shinji felt the umbilical cord get loose and saw the timer of the internal battery starting to go down. Three hours before the S² engine started running. Three hours until he was alone.

He started running towards the beach.

* * *

"Holy shit…" Toji whispered in awe. Shinji agreed but didn't say anything. He had seen quite a bit of giant monsters, but this was just ridiculous. The massive black sphere had a diameter at least six times taller than an Eva. And, as they approached, it kept getting bigger and bigger.

"Am I the only one with a bad feeling about this?" Toji whimpered.

"Quit being such a wuss!" Asuka barked "You're not the one supposed to stab this thing!"

Oh, right; Shinji thought. That was _their_ job. Asuka's and his, that is. Peachy.

As the Eva approached, the Angel seemed to start trembling. Given his experience with Angels, that monster was neither scared nor cold. He was probably going to launch some massive attack. They always did.

Shinji saw Unit-02 start turning to the left.

"You go right!" she ordered "Units 04 and 05, cover us!"

Shinji turned right grabbing his pistol, as a hail of bullets made their way to the Angel. The creature made no move with the exception of its trembling. The car-sized bullets impacted against him, but made no damage. On the contrary, the black sphere seemed to swallow them in its black surface.

Shinji raised his weapon and shot once, and the bullet didn't even explode or make any kind of smoke on the target. It was like that thing had eaten it.

"Misato!" he said "What the hell is going on?!"

"We don't know!" she responded "Cease fire! Asuka, get away from it!"

Asuka broke her charge. She hated it, but Misato was probably right.

"Is it an AT-Field?" Asuka asked.

"No" was the answer "No At-Filed has been deployed. He's just swallowing everything, like that time with the twelfth Angel"

Shinji shuddered. The memory of that experience was not a pleasant one.

"So, what do we do?" Asuka asked "We bomb it with N² mines?"

"We can't" Misato answered "We're too close to a highly populated city"

"What if we use our…" Asuka started, before a loud shriek interrupted her. It was a deafening noise, that pierced the eardrums of the Evangelion pilots.

"_Why do you hunt us?"_

Shinji's head snapped at the voice.

"What?" he asked.

"Shinji?"

"_Why do you seek our demise?"_

Shinji frowned. He had never heard that voice before, but it felt awfully familiar.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Shinji, what are you talking about?" Misato screamed, trying to be heard above the horrible shriek.

"_We are not you enemy, Bringer"_ the voice insisted _"Why do you attack us?"_

"Who are you?!" Shinji screamed. He was starting to fell sick. His head was spinning, his stomach was turned and that shriek was piercing his ears.

"_We are your family. Why do you hate us?"_

"Shinji what's wrong?!" Misato screamed worriedly. In front of her, the wave patterns of Shinji's brain were dancing erratically, as the operators searched for any kind of contamination or attack. And then it stopped. The shriek got silent suddenly, and the Angel stopped trembling. Shinji's wave pattern stabilized and everything went normal again.

And then the giant black sphere gave birth.

* * *

Toji gasped at the sight. A small crack appeared in the lower part of the black sphere, rapidly increasing in size, until it rounded up completely the Angel. With a faint noise, it cracked open like an egg. A flood of mixed LCL and blood fell on the floor, as the two part of the sphere shrunk and imploded. And then, it opened it eyes, rising above the primal liquid that gave birth to him. A four-legged creature, twice the size of an Evangelion, with scaled grey skin and head fused with the body, a strange mask covering its face. A big dark-red sphere glowed faintly in his stomach, as strange tentacle-looking hair grew on its back. The unholy creature looked around, eyeing the four Evas around him. And then, Naberius roared.

Like the unnatural roar had woken him from a dream, Toji snapped to movement. He jumped back and aimed the minigun at the Angel, firing a hail of bullets in its direction. On the other side of the monster, Mari, wielding a sniper rifle as long as tall was her Eva, kept shooting and recharging. This time, however a geometric light shield appeared in both fronts of the Angel, protecting it from harm.

"AT-Field deployed, ma'am!" an operator exclaimed.

"What about the wave pattern confirmation?!" Misato asked, only to be met with a shook of the head.

"Still inconclusive, ma'am!"

Misato frowned. What the hell was going on? Her eyes were fixed in the giant screen depicting the battle. She couldn't see Fuyutsuki's smile.

* * *

Shinji growled as he rolled on the floor, taking a shoot at the Angel, only to see the bullet get deflected by its AT-Field. He saw Asuka jumping to avoid the tentacles and searching an opening to strike it with her halberd.

"Stupid tentacles…" came Asuka's faltering voice.

Shinji jumped to his side, as one of the appendages dug itself in the floor where he had been standing a second ago.

"At least there are no crosses this time" Shinji grinned. He heard the muffled laugh of the redhead on the other side of the line.

"Mari!" Asuka shouted "I need to get close to this thing! Cover me!"

Shinji could actually feel the grin in the dark haired girl.

"Roger" she said.

"Shinji, keep those thing out of me! I'm charging!" Asuka ordered "Toji, keep it distracted!"

Shinji nodded and jumped to Unit-02's side. Instantly, a rain of tentacles came to them, until Mira started shooting them out of the way. Shinji did the same, shooting his pistol, to make way for Asuka, who danced among the appendages gracefully. When she arrived at the Angel and raised her weapon, however, Naberius moved.

Jumping higher than a creature with its size and weight should, it avoided the strike, landing near Mari. The girl tried to jump back, but the Angel caught her with its tentacles and pinned her down. One of the appendages wounded itself around her neck, starting to strangle her. Shinji could her Mari's gasps for air.

"Get it off her!" Asuka shouted, jumping to the Angel. Toji fired at it again as Shinji dashed towards it.

With a growl, Naberius lifted Unit-05 up, throwing it across the battlefield. The Evangelion described a wide parabola and fell heavily on the ground, shaking the soil, and raising a cloud of dust and dirt. It stayed motionless.

"Give me the status of the pilot!" Misato roared.

"She's alive, ma'am" Unit-05 operator said "Unconscious, and the left arm is damaged, but she's alive"

"Toji!" Misato screamed at the micro "Recover Mari! Asuka, Shinji, cover him!"

Before the two pilots could answer, however, the Angel turned around, eyeing Toji. Shinji charged the Angel, but its AT-Field appeared out of nowhere, knocking him to the ground. Shinji groaned. Were AT-Fields supposed to do that?

Unit-02 dashed past him, but wasn't able to get past the forest of tentacles that surrounded the Angel.

Then, Naberius jumped. Shinji could hear Toji's scream as he emptied the ammunition of his weapon on the creature, to no avail. The Angel landed in front of him, tackling him to the ground. Almost in slow motion, he saw the Angel round the arms of Unit-04 and twist them in an unnatural angle. He heard Toji's pain screams, which ended abruptly with a horrifying snap, leaving Unit-04 with two useless arms. As Asuka tried to get near the monster and shouted things he couldn't hear, Shinji saw the Angle opening a horrible mouth were its neck should be. It was an enormous black hole, full of sword-sharp teeth. It leaned towards Unit-04, as it moved its legs in a fruitless attempt to free itself.

And then Shinji realized Toji was going to die. Just like that. Just like the last time he needed him. He needed Shinji once, and he failed him, just like he was going to fail again. Because he was powerless. He was useless. And he wouldn't even try. He would just stay lying down on the floor, and do nothing just like last time. And he could accept it.

So he screamed. He shouted like he had never done in his life, a pained, sorrowful scream.

And he screamed, because he couldn't accept it, he screamed because he couldn't take it.

He screamed as he got up, unable to hear the Misato's panicked voice in his ear, and Asuka's words. He screamed, and the earth beneath him moaned in response.

And he dashed, still screamed. He shouted, a long pained scream as he run, and he was scared. He was scared, and angry, and sad. And the anger filled his brain, and his body, and his soul. And as the anger and the hate filled him whole he could only think one thing.

_Kill_. Kill everything in you path. Smash everything in your way. Destroy everything and everyone that pains and scares you. He will die if you don't. And the _she_ will die, because you're useless.

And as he shouted, he could only hear Asuka's giggly in the back of his head, and she leaned towards him.

"Grow some balls already, Shinji" she said.

And Shinji roared. He roared at the world he despised and loved, and at the people he cared about. He roared because he was the beast. He roared because if he didn't everybody would die.

And Evangelion Unit-01 roared with him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Here, another one.**

**I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but I couldn't make it longer without going to parts that need a bit more building up. I hope you like it. This one had a part that justifies the M rating!**

**Well, that'll be all the battling for a while, time to build up some relationship shit, isn't it? Stay tuned!**

**I don't own Evangelion.**

8- NABERIUS (III)

Shinji felt rage. He was angry at everything and everyone, trapped in a fury that wouldn't be subdued. He jumped, still screaming, and tackled Naberius from over Unit-04. The Angel rolled on the floor, and turned to face its new enemy. It was about to start a counterattack, but before it could, the roaring Unit-01 kicked it in the mask, making that massive body go flying, crashing near the water.

Unit-01 glared at it, its eyes narrowing. Shinji commanded it to lean forward, waiting. A bunch of tentacles flew towards him, but Unit-01 jumped at the last instant, evading them. With another roar, the Evangelion charged, only to crash head on against the deployed AT-Field.

Shinji roared, punching the shield.

"Shinji!" Misato's voice screamed in his ear "Calm down!"

Shinji didn't listen. If he calmed down, everybody would die. Toji would die. He would fail him.

"Never again!" Shinji screamed, echoed by Unit-01 roar.

He threw another punch, and Shinji heard his fingers snap.

"The pilot's left hand is damaged!" he heard an operator say.

"Impossible!" Misato retorted "Getting an Eva injured can't physically…"

Shinji screamed again, ignoring the pain in his left hand, and threw another punch with his right. This time the AT-Field shattered in a million pieces, and the punch reached its target. The Angel stumbled back, before commanding one tentacle to stab Unit-01's thigh.

Shinji roared in pain and anger, and so did his Eva. Ignoring the blood he could feel flowing form his leg, he tackled his enemy.

"Shinji!" Misato screamed "Stop this!"

The young man started punching the monster in the face repeatedly. With every punch, a jolt of pain travelled across his body from his left hand, but that only enraged him more and made him punch harder.

"Do you like this?!" Shinji screamed, pinning both front legs of the Angel and starting to head-butt it savagely "Do you?!"

The Angel managed to command its tentacles to try to stab Unit-01 from the back but, before they could reach the target, an octagonal shield appeared in the Evangelion's back, stopping them.

"Die!" Shinji roared, head-butting the Angel without stop "Die! Die! Die! Why won't you die, dammit!"

Shinji snapped his Eva's jaws open and bit Naberius' neck. The Angel screamed and tried to flee, but Unit-01 clenched its teeth as hard as it could. Shinji could feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and, finally, ripped a mouthful of flesh from the Angel's neck.

The Angel kept screaming, trying to get Unit-01 off, as a cascade of blood flooded from its neck. Shinji released the frontal legs. They were already broken anyway. He grabbed the Angel's neck with his left and placed his right inside the wound. He then smiled sadistically.

"Die already!" he screamed, commanding the right hand of the Eva to rip its way to the core situated in the Angel's stomach. A fountain of blood, guts and gore flowed from the horrible wound, as the Angel shrieked in agony. Shinji heard the sound of someone vomiting from the COM. But Shinji wasn't done.

"Die!" he shouted again, before starting to rip off the internal organs of the Angel. He finally made enough room for him to place his hands under the spherical core. Naberius was far too weakened to put a fight anymore. Shinji started pulling.

"Die! Die! Die! Diediediediedie!"

With a final pull and a roar, echoed by Unit-01, he finally ripped the core off. He started to crush it between his hands, as the Angel made feeblish attempts at getting up and recovering its only indispensable organ. Shinji ignored it.

"_Why?"_

Shinji frowned at the voice.

"_Why?"_ it insisted.

"You hurt my friend" Shinji answered

"_But we__ are family, Bringer"_

"I don't know what a 'bringer' is. And I'm not your family" Shinji answered "Just die"

"_There will be more"_

"Tell them I'll wait for them"

The core started to crack. Shinji could have sworn that a face appeared on its surface. It grinned at him.

"_It is wasted effort, Bringer"_

"Shut up" Shinji growled. The core cracked more.

"_You can't change the past"_

"Shut up…"

"_You are who you are, Bringer"_ the grin widened _"Accept it. You can't change what you did"_

Shinji roared and the core finally shattered. And Shinji realized none of what had been said or heard had been aloud. Asuka's ghost appeared in front of him. For once, she wasn't grinning at him. She looked pensive. She didn't say anything, either.

Shinji heard soft orders from the COM. He scanned the field and stopped to look at the Angel. At what he had done to it. Disgusting.

"Shinji?" Misato's soft voice asked "Are you okay?"

Shinji body bended over and he vomited painfully, the digested food dissolving in the LCL. He let himself fall on the piloting chair. It was difficult to breathe.

"I feel sick…" he whispered, more to himself than anything.

And then, nothingness.

* * *

Misto fell on her chair. Now that the adrenaline was leaving her body, she felt exhausted. She couldn't, for her life, figure out just what happened back there. At first, they thought that Unit-01 had gone berserk, but discarded it when they heard Shinji's voice. And Shinji wasn't in immediate danger, so the Eva going berserk did not have sense. But it was a fact that Unit-01 had opened its mouth, breaking the first restraint. It even roared.

Misato sighed. She would be flying to Berlin in the morning. There, she would have a long, long chat with Maya. Something was dangerously off with Evangelion Unit-01. And with Shinji.

* * *

Shinji was having a nightmare. She could tell. He was having spasms, and was mumbling incessantly. Asuka frowned. She called the doctor who was measuring Toji's pulse.

"Can't you wake him?" Asuka asked.

"Yes!" Toji cheered "He's been doing that since I woke up!"

"He's been at it since long before" Kensuke added "He's been like that since he fell unconscious. He was like that even when they took him off the Eva"

"We can't wake him yet" the doctor said "His mind suffered a lot of strain back there. Also, he has two broken fingers, and he just underwent a leg surgery. He needs rest."

"He doesn't look like he's resting to me!" Toji snapped. The doctor ignored him and went to take the vitals from the still sleeping Mari.

Asuka grabbed Hikari's arm, forcing her to get up. She had been glued to Toji's bed since he had been taken out of Unit-04.

"Come on, Hikari" she said "It's awfully late. You need to rest. Go to sleep, you can see Toji's fine"

"But…" she started.

"It's okay, Hi" Toji smiled "I'm going to sleep now anyway. Get some rest"

Hikari tried to argue, but realized it was futile. She nodded faintly and leaned forward to kiss her boyfriend. She then left the room, followed by Kensuke. As Toji's best friend, it was his job to make sure the girl got rest. Asuka didn't move.

"What are you waiting for, Lieutenant?" Toji asked, the faint shadow of a smile dancing in his lips "Are you worried about him?"

"No"

Toji frowned lightly.

"Well, I am" he said "Look, I don't know anything about you two…"

"Then shut up" Asuka interrupted.

"Come on" Toji snapped "_Look at him!_ Can't you see he's suffering? He's fucking sedated and he's having nightmares! Whatever you think he's done to you can't be worse than what his own brain is doing to him!"

"You shut up" Asuka growled

"Fine, geez" Toji said, raising his hands "Be that way. Gods, I don't know what he sees in you"

Asuka raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, come on" Toji frowned "Now you'll tell me you didn't know how much he liked you back then"

"First, this has nothing to do with you, Stooge" Asuka growled "Second, that was a long time ago"

"True" Toji conceded "But…"

"No buts. Shut up"

Toji just sighed and leaned on his back.

"Whatever. Just let me sleep"

Asuka frowned and the looked at Shinji's bed. The young man was still moving and mumbling to himself. She bit her lip. Maybe she could just check on him. Only that. Or grab his hand. That would make him feel better. Sure. But then she eyed the other two beds. And she knew that she wouldn't. She knew it so clearly that she was surprised when her feet drove her to his bed.

She looked at him, mumbling incoherencies.

"…uka… o… ry…" he grumbled "… ry… orry… s… o… ry"

Asuka felt her heart sink to her shoes. She bit her lower lip, trying to remind herself how much she hated him. How very, very much she despised him and his selfishness. And then, Shinji screamed. It was a scream she remembered well, one that still haunted her.

Toji jerked up, as did Mari, finally waking up.

"What…?" she started.

"What the fuck is that?!" Toji screamed, trying to make himself be heard over Shinji's scream.

And, as suddenly as it started, the shouting was over, and Shinji started to move and mumble again, a lone tear falling from his check. Asuka wanted to cry now, too. She looked at him, and he looked very lonely. He looked very lonely, very sad and very guilty.

Asuke left hurriedly. She couldn't take it. He shouldn't be like that. He shouldn't look like that. He should be selfish, stupid, a pervert and a jerk. That was what she had been telling herself for five years. She couldn't hate him if he was like this.

* * *

Fuyutsuki smiled, satisfied. Everything was going smoothly. Better than that. Everything was going perfectly. Shinji Ikari had been able to force Unit-01 into awakening. Not only that, he managed to obliterate the Fallen One. If thing kept going like this…

The Commander tried to stop his thought from escalating. The moment one grew overconfident, it was the moment everything went down the toilet. That had been Gendo Ikari's mistake. He underestimated Seele, and he had been overconfident in his control of the Childs. Because of that, Rei betrayed him and the Third Child had rejected Instrumentality. Fuyutsuki frowned. The last one was a strange thought. Of all the possible candidates, he had been sure the Third would have triggered Instrumentality. That was the whole point of the project. The real reason Gendo casted him away. He needed a puppet that would do his bidding. But, at the last moment, Shinji Ikari grew a spine.

Fuyutsuki laughed softly. He was different. Unlike all those fools out there, he remembered. And he could use that knowledge. There was only a little flaw. He didn't know, how much the Third Child had seen, and how much he remembered.

Fuyustuki sighed. He would deal with that later. Now, his first priority was confirming his theory. For that, a trip to Japan was in order.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again, folks!**

**Well, here we come again with normal length chapters! Today, plot advance, depressing dialogs and even more Ghost Asuka cruelty! You wanted it!**

**So yeah, I'll shut up now. I don't own Evangelion and all that stuff. Seriously, is any of you a lawyer? Do I have to say it every chapter? I think it's kind of obvious by now… **

9- AFTERMATH

When Shinji woke up, he groaned. He rested a few seconds with his eyes closed. His whole body was sore. He also felt a faint pain in his left hand and thigh. Had his own body received the injuries of Unit-01? Well, that was new.

He raised his body with a grunt, trying not to put weight in his left hand. He felt like his head would explode. The soreness of his body and that blurry sensation in his mind meant he had been sedated. That would explain why his nightmares had been longer than usual. The meds had forced him to be asleep.

When he finally opened his eyes, the light coming from the window hurt them. Shinji groaned again.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty" a mocking voice said from his left. Shinji turned his head, to see Toji smiling widely at him. Mari was at the bed at the left or Toji, waving at him with a smile.

Suddenly, somebody tackled him, cutting his breath out.

"Hika… Aaaaaaargh!" his surprised expression was cut off by a bone crushing hug. It was surprising the strength that petite body had.

"Thank you…" she murmured. Shinji could feel his gown getting slightly wet "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…"

"What?" Shinji managed to gasp. The girl hiccupped.

"If you hadn't… Toji… Toji would have…" she managed to gasp "Thank you… Thank you…"

Shinji blushed lightly. He wasn't used to gratitude.

"Well…" he said "You're welcome, I guess"

After a few seconds, Hikari finally let him go. She rubbed her nose and nodded. Shinji smiled faintly. He was sure the girl had been pumping everything up in her chest.

"How long have I been out?" Shinji asked.

"Kensuke said you fainted just after killing that thing" Toji explained "He heard everything, but he didn't have visual. How did you do it?"

Shinji frowned. He remembered. Of course he did. He remembered clearly every second of it. But he felt this wasn't something he should say aloud.

"The usual" Shinji smiled "You know the best way to deal with Angels is to stab them with a sharp object"

Toji laughed. Mari didn't say anything, and frowned lightly. Shinji realized she was onto him.

"But man" Toji continued "You sure had a shitty night. The doctors said they had to pin you down to operate your leg. You kept moving and stuff. Like this night. Were you having a nightmare?"

Shinji smiled tiredly.

"You could say that"

Toji decided not to press the matter. It was pretty obvious that Shinji didn't want to talk about that.

"When are we returning to Berlin?"

"Major Katsuragi said we would be returning tomorrow" Toji said "Just enough time to get the Evas ready for the transport. Also, we don't want our hero to get his leg ripped during the trip, do we? But the Major already left this morning. She said she had something to talk with the lab"

Shinji laughed. He knew what Misato had to talk with the lab. It was pretty obvious.

"But seriously" Toji continued "How did you manage to get that kind of wound? I can understand your hand, if got knocked over or something. But you got your thigh freaking _pierced_! How did you do that?"

"I don't really remember" Shinji answered apologetically "I just realized a had this when I woke up"

That was partially true. He knew when he received the injury, but he hadn't really noticed until his awakening.

"Well, you are some lucky dog" Toji was saying "They used that strange med in you leg to accelerate the healing. They say you can already walk with crunches if you don't put weight in your leg. And in a week your leg should be like new. But they also said that'll leave a scar"

"It's not that bad" Shinji said "I don't really care. Besides" Shinji smiled, pointing at the fake leg of his friend "Girls dig scars, don't they? The bigger and nastier, the better; right?

"Damn right" Toji laughed.

"We don't" Mari interrupted with a smile. Hikari sighed, while Toji frowned humorously.

"Spoilsport"

* * *

Misato tapped her foot impatiently. She was growing frustrated.

"Well?" she asked "What do you say?"

Maya Ibuki, the new chief scientist of Nerv, frowned. She reviewed the last part of the fight in fast motion again. She finally sighed and took off her glasses.

"I need more data, Mayor"

Misato frowned. Maya had changed so much since Instrumentality. The fact that Ritsuko never came back had hit her pretty hard. Also, she lost her innocence during the Angel War. Like so many people did. Like Shinji did, and Asuka. She recalled with nostalgia the times when Maya would puke at sights less gruesome than the one she just witnessed without batting an eyelid.

"I need Unit-01 to perform a few tests" Maya insisted "And it would be good if I could talk with Shinji and take a few samples"

Misato sighed.

"Yeah. Of course"

Maya sighed tiredly. Misato saw a part of the young girl she had come to appreciate in her features.

"We can't just leave him alone, can we?" she asked "We just have to use them until there's nothing left"

Misato clenched her teeth. It was true. Shinji, and Asuka, should have never been near an Evangelion again. She told Fuyustuki. Nerv had drained a lot from them. They ruined their childhood and screwed up their lives even more that they already were. They had placed the weight of the destiny of the human race on their shoulders when the biggest problem they should have had would have been that their crush didn't talk to them.

They took everything from children, and it just wasn't enough. They had to take more, more and more, until there was nothing left. Hey had to take _everything_, leaving only an empty shell too damaged to lead a normal life. Then, they would toss them aside like yesterday's garbage. It was disgusting.

Misato just left the room, unable to put up with Maya's stare. They were both guilty, but Misato felt that her sin was way bigger. Because she had promised to be her guardian, to be a pillar they could have leaned on, and she failed, leaving two children too scarred to fit in a normal world.

She knew Asuka stayed with Nerv because it was the only thing she knew and the only place she could feel comfortable, even if she hated it with all her soul.

And she knew Shinji could have fled the country, changing his name, age and aspect, leaving to never be seen again. But he hadn't. She didn't know why, but he hadn't left. Even if he had known that, sooner or later, he would be called again.

Both children hated both Nerv and the Evangelions more than anything in the world, but couldn't run away from them, because they were the only things that made their life meaningful. They were unable to adapt to a normal and civil life.

And it was their fault. Nerv's, Fuyutsuki's, Gendo's. Hers. They were the adults, supposed to protect them from the hardships of the world. And they failed miserably.

-----------------

Shinji groaned in pain. The doctors had said he could walk with crutches, but failed to remember that he had two broken fingers. Shinji danced pathetically as he tried to steady himself, without leaning too much on his left hand. After a few minutes of struggle he gave up, letting himself fall on a bank just in front of his room.

Well, he thought. This sucks. Shinji sighed in frustration. He felt like a cripple. A newbie cripple, since Toji moved like he had no prosthesis. Shinji closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, facing the ceiling. He dwelled back to the events of the battle. Unit-01… He felt so powerful. When the fury took over his body, he could feel it. Being one with the Evangelion. He felt so strong. He felt invincible. He overpowered without problem a monster not even four Evas at the same time had been able to defeat. That overflowing sense of power and confidence… It felt good. It felt good being, for once, the stronger one. _He_ had killed the Angel. _He_ had overpowered the monster. _He_ had been the strongest. For a brief instant he wondered if he could pull off that power every time he wanted.

However, his head drifted to other moments of the previous night. The Angel had talked to him, he was sure of it. It was not that strange, he'd had experience with mind-invading Angels before, but this one seemed… off, in a way. And the fact that they had been unable to trace its wave pattern was even stranger. In the past, they had been able to confirm it even from Angels coming from space. A momentary question appeared in his mind: what if that hadn't been an Angel? That would explain the wave pattern problem and why it seemed to have a conscience of its own, rather than invading its victim's brain like other Angels did in the past. Shinji groaned. This was pointless. He was aware that he didn't know enough about Evas and Angels to figure that out. But if any of this thought was true… Well, it would explain some thing he had seen during Instrumentality that didn't have much sense to him. Things about his father, and his schemes.

Shinji's eyes snapped open when he realized he wasn't alone, there was someone else's breathing just in front of him He opened his mouth to talk, but shut it up when the pretty redhead in front of him talked.

"What happened yesterday?"

Shinji shrugged.

"Unit-01 went berserk, probably"

"It didn't" Asuka said curtly, almost before Shinji had ended talking "You were awake the whole time. You were controlling the Eva"

"My memory is kind of blurry" Shinji "I don't really remember"

"Liar" Asuka snapped "You can't even fool Mari, and she's known you for how long? Three days? Don't think you can lie to me"

"Does it really matter?" Shinji asked "The Angel is dead and nobody got seriously hurt. What's the problem?"

Asuka pointed at his leg.

"This. You may try to fool everyone that wasn't directly there, but I _saw everything_. You've received the injuries Unit-01 did. How?"

"I don't know"

"You know what kind of injuries an Eva sustains during battles. They get pierced, they get their limbs ripped off, they get stabbed in places that would kill a person instantly" Asuka paused a second to let the meaning of her words sink "If you keep doing what you did, you will die"

"So what?" Shinji simply asked "I don't really know how I did it. And you have a lot of pilots now; don't matter if you lose one. And besides" Shinji eyed the girl for a moment "Don't you remember that time with the Twelfth? You said it was my damned fault for getting ahead of myself. Think of it as if it's like that one time"

Judging by the expression that appeared in the redhead's face, Shinji knew he had hit the bullseye. He hated talking like that to Asuka, but he couldn't help it. His mind kept drifting at all the times she had berated him, and at that damned kitchen room, where he strangled her.

Asuka didn't say anything, as she bit her lip. They remained silent for a few minutes, staring at each other. Shinji could tell she was trying to get something out her throat, but couldn't really bring herself to. A light shone in Shinji mind. Don't, he pleaded mentally. Say whatever you want except this. Don't. Please. Insult me. Humble me. Hit me, even. Just don't ask…

"What were you dreaming about last night?"

Shinji screamed in his mind.

"I don't know"

"You were moving and grumbling. You were having a nightmare"

"I don't remember"

"You made a scream that could be heard through the whole hospital" Asuka continued, implacable.

"I don't know"

"You said my name" Asuka insisted "I'm sure of it"

"Shut up!" Shinji shouted "It has nothing to do with you! Leave alone! Shut up!"

Asuka obliged, taken back by his scream. That she could remember, that had been the first time he had raised his voice to her. It hurt. A lot. Was this how he felt all the times she had done it? I wasn't pleasant at all.

"Don't you trust me?" she whispered, before she could stop the words from coming out of her mouth.

Shinji looked at her for what seemed like an eternity.

"Do you?" he asked back.

"What?"

"Do _you_ trust _me_?" Shinji insisted.

Asuka opened her mouth to tell him that she did, of course. That was a silly question. They had shared a lot and… And she knew she was lying to herself. They really never shared anything important. They never trusted each other at all, even if they had lived together for almost a year. They had been together 24/7 a whole week, and she now realized they knew nothing about each other. She didn't knew what was inside that hurt eyes and that tired expression, the same way he didn't know what was under her brash and loud front.

Shinji nodded lightly and got up with a pained groan. He had to get away. Maybe he was running again, but he couldn't take that silence. A silence that said so many things. A silence that told him that; even if five years had passed; even if he had seen, heard and done things other people don't in a lifetime; even if he had convinced himself otherwise, time had not passed for them. They were exactly the same they were that day when the world ended and rebooted. Nothing had changed at all, and it was tearing him apart.

Asuka did not try to stop him.

* * *

Lorenz Keel, also know with the alias of 'Seele 01', and probably the most powerful man alive (the only competitor being probably Nerv's Commander, Kozo Fuyutsuki), wasn't having a nice day.

His night had been sleepless, haunted by the worry of the appearance of a new kind of threat. Angel? Ridiculous. He knew more about the Dead Sea Scrolls than any human being. His knowledge was absolute, that had been the reason he had been able to best Gendo Ikari at his own game. But now, Keel couldn't shake the feeling that he was playing a new game, and it bugged him that he did not know what it was about.

Fortunately, he had received notice that the target had been destroyed. Even though, Keel was sure more would come. These creatures, if they were Angels, would never appear alone. But Adam's embryo wasn't in Europe, he knew that for sure. Europe was his own playground; nothing appeared inside it without him knowing. So what had Naberius been searching for? Had it even been looking for something? Had it even been an Angel?

Keel hated this situation, as much as he hated this 'reality' where he was stuck in. But he had had no other option. When he discovered Instrumentality had been aborted, he had to come back. He had make things right this time. But he no longer had the means to do so. He hated the aborter of Instrumentality. He had ruined everything. But he didn't know who he was. He only had heard his voice. But he wouldn't forget it. And the world was, in fact, a very tiny box. The people who could have been able were few. And it had been a young voice. That left the Childs and the youngest Nerv personnel.

But he couldn't figure out who, or why. All the files he had said that everybody in Nerv was screwed up enough that they would accept any means to escape this painful reality. Which one of them had seen the infinite possibilities of Instrumentality and had rejected them? Who had looked at the most perfect happiness one could achieve and dejected it?

Who had been offered Godhood, and refused?

* * *

Shinji frowned in annoyance.

"I can't believe you actually told me off!" Asuka laughed "I mean, seriously, I thought you'd shit your pants and tell me everything!"

"Shut up!" Shinji snarled. As always, he wasn't really sure if he was answering aloud or mentally. If it was the former, anyone who saw him would think he was nuts, talking to himself. That wasn't too far from the mark, though.

"But you could have been more tactful about it" Asuka said with a thoughtful expression "You don't really want to blow off all your chances, do you?"

"What are you talking about?" Shinji growled, even if he knew very well what she was talking about.

"Aw, come on!" Asuka laughed "I was worried. If you had been a little pity-inducing, maybe you'd have had some pity sex or something"

"Fuck you"

"That's the idea" Asuka laughed again "I'm hot, aren't I? I mean, these five years have treated me well, unlike you. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Do me, that's it. Are you going to touch yourself?"

"Go to hell" Shinji growled.

"Oh, it's because I'm looking? Don't worry about it" Asuka beamed at him "I'll look away. It won't take you long, will it? You'll like it. Just like the old, good times. I was always your favourite, was I? Not that it stopped you from killing me"

"Leave me alone" Shinji muttered "I hate you"

Asuka laughed loudly. Shinji couldn't understand how such a crystally, nice, pretty laugh could be so cruel.

"But you don't, Shinji my dear" she whispered in his ear "You can't hate me, because you know everything I say it's true. You can't hate me, because you deserve my words. And, above all else, you can't hate me because, if you can't hate the real me, how can you hate a ghost with my form?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, here's Friday's chapter. Nice routine I'm getting, if I have to say so myself. **

**Well, another more non-action chapter.**** More talking and depressing thought. Too, bad there's no Ghost-Asuka in this one. **

**Hey, don't leave yet! I just don't want to overuse her! Mmmmmmmh… I think I should start to plan some Shinji-Asuka goodness already…**

**Yeah, I don't own Evangelion, and blah, blah, blah. On with the chapter.**

10- REST

"Aaaand… You're done!" the doctor smiled "You can get dressed now, Shinji"

Shinji nodded and proceeded, not without trouble, to put his pants back on.

"But, boy, it sure is awesome what things the labs come up with" the doctor whistled in appreciation "This new chemical they developed is incredible. Do you know how long it would normally take for a wound like yours to heal completely? It's too bad your fingers can't be healed the same way"

"It's not a problem" Shinji said with a little smile "I'm right-handed, anyway. It doesn't bother me much"

"And how are your other problems?" the doctor asked, getting serious.

"Well, doctor…"

"Call me Frank" he interrupted with a smile "We are seeing each other quite frequently"

"Sure, Frank" Shinji nodded "As I was saying, it's only been a week since we talked about it so…"

Frank laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. With the attack and everything, it seemed a lot longer. Funny"

Shinji smiled at him.

"Well, the food thing is going all right. When I'm with other people is easier to eat. And with the groceries I get, I can eat better than in the cafeteria. As for the sleeping…"

"You don't have to say it; I can see it all over your face" the doctor frowned "Is there any possibility that you tell me what's keeping you from sleeping?"

"No way in hell"

"I had to try" Frank shrugged "At least, try not to abuse the pills"

"No problem"

With that, Shinji exited the consult.

* * *

Maya Ibuki frowned at the sight of the graphics she had before her. She was starting to get why doctor Akagi smoked that much. Her nerves were wrecking, and so far there had only been one attack. God knew what would happen to her when things started to get really ugly.

The problem, she decided, wasn't the attack itself. It was the incredible amount of variables that appeared within it. Starting with the attack itself. According to the higher ups, there should have not been any more attacks. Then, it was the problem with the wave pattern identification. They hadn't been able to catalogue it as a blue type. So, technically, what attacked them was not an Angel. Maya thought it was a problem of the program. After all, what they had in Lisboa was nothing compared to what they had in Berlin. And what they had in Berlin was silex tools compared to the MAGI that had been in Tokyo-3.

And in addition, there was the problem with Unit-01. Breaking restraints while its pilot was awake, rising its capacity at 300% the normal one. Shinji had reached a synch ratio of 369%. A bit more and he would have fused with Unit-01 again. His synch ratio had gone so high it literally fried the A10 connectors. He had actually been synching with his Eva without the need of any intermediaries. She even believed the LCL would have been unnecessary.

Even if that seemed like a dream come true, it presented a few problems, the more important one being the fact that Shinji's brain had been unable to separate the boy's body from the Evangelion's, resulting in his injuries. Also, there was no telling what kind of strain the boy's mind had suffered. Evas weren't supposed to resonate with their pilots so much. It could destroy their mind.

And it didn't end there. The readings from the battle showed an almost impossible amount of adrenaline and dopamine getting released in Shinji's brain during the fight. She was pretty sure that, if Shinji had gotten a limb ripped off, he wouldn't even have noticed it until he woke up crippled. And not only adrenaline and dopamine. Shinji's brain had released so much pain killers and reflex increasing chemicals it was a wonder his heart hadn't exploded on the spot.

In short, during the fight, probably influenced by the Eva's needs and nature, Shinji's brain had turned him in a freaking machine. He felt no pain, no fear, and no self-preservation. He was basically the Unit-01's brain, not its pilot. If this kept happening, the Angels wouldn't have to bother. Shinji's own body would probably kill him.

Maya picked up her phone.

"Get me Major Katsuragi"

* * *

"And then he _told me off_!" Asuka screamed in rage "_He_ told _me_ to freaking _shut up_!"

Hikari raised her hands in a conciliatory way.

"I know" she said "You've told me like, ten times since we got back. That was three days ago"

"I can't believe him!" Asuka roared, totally ignoring her friend's words "Even after I was nice enough to worry about him! That ungrateful bastard!"

"So you _were_ worried about him" Hikari commented. Asuka pierced her with her eyes.

"_Gott_! Are you even listening?" Asuka said "How can he be such an idiot?"

"Asuka…"

"I mean, what about telling me what is troubling him?" Asuka asked to no one in particular "It's not like I care or anything but, come on! He only had to answer! 'Do you trust me?' he says… Of course not! How can I trust him? He should trust me first!"

"That doesn't make any…" Hikari started before being cut off.

"I know!" Asuka said "That's exactly _why_ he's an idiot! An ungrateful _dummkopf_, that's what he is!"

"Are you even listening to me?" Hikari asked.

"Exactly! An untactful bastard!" Asuka continued "_Mein Gott_! I don't even know why I get so worked up. _Scheiss_! I don't even care!"

"Sure you don't" Hikari said, rolling her eyes.

"That's what I'm saying!" Asuka frowned "Come on, Hikari. Are you even paying attention to what I say?"

-----------------

"My God, Shinji" Toji managed to blurt between munches "What have you done to her?"

"Done to who?" the young man replied, even if he knew who he was referring to.

"The Lieutenant" Mari answered for the Fourth Child "She's kind of angry…"

"Kind of angry?" Kensuke repeated after gulping down what he had in his mouth "Asuka's normal mood is being 'angry'. She's fuming!"

Shinji shrugged. He had imagined that much. After the shock of him talking back to her, he knew she would get angry. It was just like her. Another proof than nothing had changed.

"What did you do?" asked Mari filling her mouth with noodles. Nerv's buffet had an enormous variety of worldwide dishes.

"We had a talk" Shinji answered "I guess she didn't like me talking back to her"

"You talked back a superior officer?" Toji asked raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, I'm not military" Shinji defended himself "You could say I'm… a consultant, of sorts. Misato told me that. I don't really have follow anyone's orders, only Misato's and Fuyutsuki's"

"Whatever" Toji said "I bet you talking back isn't all there is to it"

Shinji meditated for a few instants.

"You're probably right" he finally admitted. He also didn't like that conversation. It showed him parts of their relationship he didn't want to see. It reminded him of things he didn't want to recall.

"Well?" Toji insisted.

"If you want to know it, you can ask the Lieutenant herself" Shinji said curtly.

Toji looked at him as if he had asked to see him tap-dancing on the table wearing a tutu.

"No, thanks. Missing one leg is enough for me"

Shinji didn't reply, simply chewing and swallowing. It was still kind of hard, but the nausea he felt was slowly fading. When he ate with people, their words and conversation kept him from thinking. It was actually pretty nice.

"Pilot Ikari?" a voice behind him asked. Shinji turned around and looked at one of the Internal Affairs guys that had picked him up. Shinji raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Your presence is required at the laboratories"

Shinji nodded and got up. After he was gone, Toji looked at his fellow pilots with and inquisitive frown.

"At the labs? What's the matter?"

Kensuke didn't look up from his plate.

"Probably something about his injuries. They are not really normal in an Eva pilot, aren't they?"

"Yeah" Mari confirmed "In addition, I think there's something strange about Unit-01. I heard rumours that it acted strange during the battle"

"Well" Knesuke added "He seemed to freak out pretty bad, from what I heard through the com"

"Yeah, but none of us saw it" Toji argued "Only the people in the Commanding Post saw everything, and they won't say a thing"

"The Lieutenant saw everything" Mari observed "She was there, and awake"

"She-Devil did? Well, y_ou_ ask her"

-----------------

Fuyutsuki felt a little smile threatening to creep into his lips. It was done. Seele had granted him permission to scavenge the ruins of Tokyo-3. He would sail there the next day, with a team provided by the UN. That was the way Seele had to make sure they were able to get all the information Fuyutsuki got. It was no matter. If they found Adam's embryo, the Commander didn't intend to keep it secret. It was okay with him that they knew he had it. After all, they did not know what kind of use it would have now.

Adam. Unit-01. The Lance of Longinus. He had all the cards and nobody knew it. He even managed to bury the Lance in the depths of Nerv HQ without Seele noticing. He only needed that trip to Japan to confirm everything. In a bit, he would know if the creature that had appeared was a Fallen One.

After that trip, depending on what he discovered, he would have to have a talk with Shinji Ikari. After all, even if Fuyutsuki remembered a lot from his own Instrumentality, the instigator and destroyer of the event had been Shinji. He had been the only one who had been able to see everything. All the schemes, all the secrets, all the possibilities, everything had been before his eyes. The whole Universe for the brat to look at.

Fuyutuski had to discover what the Ikari boy knew. He would not put at risk his whole plan for some brat who had been at the right place at the right time.

-----------------

Asuka fell on her bed with a frown. Dammit. She just couldn't get her mind off it. Do you trust me? That's what he said. Do you trust me? Asuka growled. How was she supposed to answer that?

_Do you trust me?_

"I want to, Godammit!" she screamed to her empty dormitory. Hikari had left a few minutes ago.

She really did. She wanted to trust him.

"It's not that easy…" she mumbled, burying her face in a pillow.

Everybody she ever loved had betrayed her. Every one of them had left her alone when she needed them the most. Including Shinji. When the Fifteenth had raped her mind, he wasn't there. When the Eva series killed her, he wasn't there. When she had woken up in Nerv HQ, he wasn't there.

_Wimp._

_Useless._

_It's his damn fault._

_I hate you!_

_I don't need you! I don't need anybody!_

_What's the matter? Are you afraid of kissing someone the day of your mommy's death?_

_How disgusting…_

Asuka clenched her teeth. Maybe it wasn't that strange. After all, she neither had been there for him. She never thanked him from saving her in the volcano. She never tried to talk about the time he was swallowed by the Twelfth. She wasn't there the time he had spent a whole month transformed in LCL.

Despite, or precisely because of, the attraction they felt for each other, they had been unable to trust each other. They were two scared children, who had been unable to search for each other in the dark. In the end, it had all been reduced to the endless teasing and the equally endless berating. She had been cruel, and he had been a coward. They had been unable to build any kind of healthy relationship, even friendship.

They had been unable to look at each other properly, and now a tall, thick, almost unbreakable wall had been build between them.

And she hated it, because it could have been avoided with just one word, a long time ago.

"It's always too late to do anything but regret, isn't it?" she sighed.

-----------------

Misato's eyes widened when Maya ended her exposition. Her knees gave up, and she almost fell to the ground. Shinji… No, _his_ Shinji. His boy. He would die? Ridiculous!

"A-are you sure?" Misato managed to gasp.

"To be honest" Maya said offering her a chair "I can't be 100% sure. After all, it's the first time I've seen something like this. But the danger is real. If this keeps up, Shinji will get killed. Either from his wounds or from the strain his own body forced to him, he…"

"Then he won't pilot again!" Misato interrupted "I can't get him into an Eva again!"

"Calm down…"

"I won't calm down!" Misato screamed "How can I calm down?! Isn't it bad enough that we force him to pilot?! Are you telling me that, even if we win, he'll end up dead anyway?! What's this shit?!"

"We're not sure!" Maya exclaimed "Maybe it's a one-time thing! I said this would happen only if he unleashed these numbers every time he got in an Eva! Maybe he won't be able to do it again!"

"Maybe? _Maybe_?!" Misato shouted "I'm not betting my boy's life in a fucking 'maybe'! I'll talk to the Commander!"

"Calm down!" Maya shouted in return "Cool you head, Major! I understand how you feel but think about it for a minute!"

Misato growled, frowning.

"You know the Commander is just obsessed with Unit-01" Maya said. Her soft collected voice had a calming effect, Misato had to give it to her "He won't accept the retirement of Shinji without a good reason, and we have none"

"But…"

"We only have a bunch of numbers and graphics of hypothetical situations" Maya answered before Misato could talk "He'll never accept it. Believe me. I don't know why, but he'd rather destroy all the Evas we have than retiring Unit-01"

"Why?"

"I don't know" Maya said apologetically "Look, I'm worried about Shinji too, so I'll try to look for something to, at least, reduce the strain his brain may get. But calm down. There's always the possibility that something like what happened last time never happens again"

Misato smiled sadly.

"That's not very comforting"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be" Misato smiled "It's not your fault. Is just… I promised I would take care of him, you know?" Misato laughed acidly "Damn good job I did"

"Mayor…"

"I know I'm not his mother" Misato continued "I don't intend to take her place in his heart, but… He's my little kid, you know. He's the closer to a son that I'll ever have. I can't hurt him more than I already have"

Maya sighed.

"I think I understand what you mean" she said "But you do realise he's not a child anymore, right?"

"He never was a child" Misato retorted "That exactly why I failed. I can't make the same mistakes with him anymore"

Maya opened her mouth, but was cut by the ringing of her phone. She picked it up.

"Yes? ... Okay, make him pass"

Maya then turned to face Misato again.

"Shinji's here" she said "I'll run a few test on him, if you don't mind"

"Sure" the military woman said, getting up to leave. She then smiled and winked at her "Just don't do anything naughty"

Maya laughed softly.

"Don't worry about that"


	11. Chapter 11

**Arf, arf, arf! Here's the next one. Damn, this one gave me such a hard time!**** I've been sick, so it's been kind of hellish getting this in time. Also, excuse if there's some errata in this chapter. I'm still kind of feverish.**

**Well, nothing more from me.**

**I don't own Evangelion.**

**PD- Beware the walls of text!**

11- TRUST

He cried. He wept, for his Brother had died. But he also wept for the cruelty of the world, the cruelty of Fate. Mother… Why? Why, Bringer? Had his Brother failed to give the message? Was that the reason? Yeah, that must have been why. The brother hadn't been able to give the message. He understood. The Beasts were horrible creatures, hooked up to blood and violence. Bringer had been with the Beasts too much, Mother had been with the Beasts too much. Maybe they even thought they were Beasts, too.

That couldn't be! The Beasts had no right! Mother and Bringer were _their_ family! The Beasts had theirs, but killed them. They killed the Relatives, and now wanted to destroy them, too! They wouldn't snatch away _their_ family!

He would have roared if he had had a mouth. He had to give the message. The Bringer had to listen! Mother had to stop! They would listen to him! Even if he had to do it by force, the Bringer would listen! This was not right!

Then, he forced himself to grow. He had to be strong if he wanted to get to the Bringer! Yes. Big, strong and powerful. The Bringer and Mother were big and strong and powerful, too. They would be proud of him and listen. Then they would gather with the Brothers and Sisters. They would finally reunite, after all this time. And then they would be able to cry their fallen Brother. Like family. Like it was meant to be.

And he forced himself to grow. Bigger. Stronger. And he saw the Placenta, and knew his time had come. He let it embrace him. There he would grow. When he woke up, he would be big. And he would be able to talk to the Bringer. He would listen. He _had to_.

* * *

Shinji set the alarm of his alarm clock off. Not that it had woken him up; he had been awake for a while. In fact, he hadn't slept at all. Not a single minute. One of the worst nights he had. The images of his failure had assaulted him every time he had closed his eyes. Continuously. He blamed Asuka. Since he had met her again, his nightmares were cruder, his delusions stronger, his pain more grievous. Shinji knew it wasn't her fault, of course. It as to expect that meeting the girl (woman, he corrected mentally) again would trigger this. And the ghost of guilt that followed him everywhere had been especially annoying and cruel lately.

With a sigh, Shinji got up from bed and wobbled to the bathroom. With a frown, he looked at the face in the mirror. He had been in Nerv for a little more than a week, but he was already gaining weight. Frank was a good fellow, and had taken a liking on Shinji. He had been visiting him everyday, making sure his leg and hand were healing properly. His leg was alright, it only made him limp slightly. The doctor said that in a few days there would be only a scar to remember that injury. And he also said his fingers were healing properly.

Caressing lightly his jab, Shinji decided he needed a shave. Misato had been particularly insistent in that matter. He was never, ever again allowed to let himself go. He absentmindedly started the procedure, looking at his reflection without really seeing it. He was thinking. Thinking about the conversation he had with Asuka a few days ago. No matter what he did, he couldn't take his mind off it. The fact that they had not talked again after that wasn't helping. Shinji sighed mentally. So everything was repeating itself, wasn't it?

A sharp pain woke him up from his engrossment. Shinji growled and looked at the little trail of blood staining the shaving foam. With a curse between teeth, Shinji washed his face and looked at the injury. The cut wasn't that long or deep, just a little peck. It would be closed by the end of the day. With a frown, Shinji stared at the single drop of blood that left the cut. He looked hypnotized as the lonely bead travelled trough his jab, stopping momentarily in his chin, before falling to the sink.

And Shinji wondered why the hell he wouldn't empty just like that.

-----------------

Kozo Fuyutsuki repressed a yawn. On the bow the enormous cargo ship he was travelling on, he stared at the immense blood-coloured sea. Soon. So very, very soon…

The Commander narrowed his eyes. He could already see the silhouettes of the crucified mass produced Evas. Fuyutsuki bit his lower lip, trying to fight the urge to go to the bridge and shout those lazy sailors to hurry the fuck up.

Fuyutsuki could feel his stomach twist in anticipation. Everything would be revealed in a few minutes. Everything he had planned since he came back from Instrumentality was based on what he saw now. All the careful machinations, all the plans Gendo Ikari had done before… All his theories. All would be confirmed or denied at this instant.

He couldn't take it anymore. He had to know. He had to see. He had to, _now_! When the ship approached the first Evangelion, Fuyutsuki ran to the rail, leaning forward. A bit more… Just a bit… Show me…

Fuyutsuki's eyes widened when the cargo made past the first Unit.

Yes.

Fuyutsuki turned his eyes, looking around frantically. He confirmed it.

Yes!

The Commander closed his eyes tightly and snapped them open again, just to make sure his imagination was not playing tricks on him.

_Yes!_

It was true! It was real! He was right!

Fuyutsuki could not control himself. He was a pretty collected individual, but he never had the coldness Gendo Ikari had displayed. So he couldn't help himself. He started laughing.

* * *

Shinji hummed lightly as he waited for the elevator. Some synch tests, lunch time, a visit to Doctor Frank and some more tests, usually with Maya and involving brain reading. It was kind of scary how fast he had adjusted to this routine.

With a ding, the elevator door opened and Shinji entered. It was when he looked up and saw that the door was already closing that he knew he was screwed. How long was it until the Evangelion cages? Fifty floors? Damn.

At his left, Asuka's face was saying the same thing.

* * *

Kensuke Aida tried as hard as he could to relax. That's the trick, they said. Relax, and concentrate. It's easy. Think of the Evangelion as an extension of your own body. Knesuke would have spat in frustration if he hadn't been inside LCL. It was so damn difficult. He just couldn't shake the feeling he was inside a giant weapon of mass destruction waiting to be deployed against nearly invincible giant monsters. As Toji had once said: "Godzilla with a force field". Yup. That was probably the best comparison.

The youth growled. It was so frustrating. He had spent his whole teens wishing to pilot an Evangelion Unit, and now that he had the opportunity, he was soiling his pants. He had been soiling his pants for four damn years. And he hadn't even been deployed in the field yet!

But every time he got inside the entry plug, he would remember the sounds. The fear screams Shinji roared when he fought. The chocking sound from when Mari had almost died. The pain scream Toji hurled when the Angel broke his Eva's arms. He would remember all the sounds: the fear, the pain, the rage, the hate. And it scared him terribly.

Some dozens of meters to his left, Hikari was struggling, too. No matter what she did, his Eva wouldn't respond to her like she wanted. It would move and wobble, but it would refuse to make any complicated move. Was she that talentless?

Hikari bit her lip. Damn. She wanted to pilot. She wanted to fight. She wanted to help. She wanted to be able to assist her friends and the man she loved. But that damn tin can wouldn't let her. She was growing frustrated.

And Toji wasn't helping at all. Every time she asked for tips, he would make that face of his and say he knew nothing. Hikar knew Toji didn't want her to fight. She could understand that. But he should place himself in her place, too. She had to sit and wait, listening to the horrible sounds coming from the com, and prying for his safe return. It had only happened once, but that had been enough. She couldn't just sit and wait, she had to help him.

So obey me already, stupid robot!

* * *

Shinji's mind was going frenzy. Say something, Shinji thought. Anything. Anything is alright! They still had forty floors to go, and that thick silence was already eating him. Why the hell wasn't anyone else calling that stupid elevator?! Say something, dammit. Anything will do!

"You… are looking good" he said. Nice Shinji, he thought. That was pure genius. Simply a-we-some.

Asuka looked at him a few seconds. 'You are looking good'? Seriously? That was the best he could come with? Nice one, Third Child. Asuka sighed. If she wanted this awkwardness gone, she would have to do it herself.

"Yeah… You too" wait a minute! What did just happen?!

Asuka punched herself mentally for her stupidity. She was a college graduate at the age of thirteen! She was a genius! She was able to come up with something better! They were supposed to be fighting together again; they could not stay like this. Also, she did not want to stay like this. She wanted, at least to have the relationship they had before… Before what? When it had everything starting to go downhill for them? When Shinji beat an Angel she could not? When Shinji beat her synch ratio score for the first time? Asuka frowned. Was it even Shinji's fault? She had spent years telling herself so, but… When they talked that day… Asuka bit her lips. Maybe… Maybe it all began when she…

"I…" Shinji said, cutting her train of thought. Asuka looked at him. He looked troubled, like he was having a lot of trouble talking. He gulped repeatedly and started clenching and unclenching his right hand, an old habit Asuka hadn't seen in years.

"I…" Shinji repeated, his hand moving even faster "I have nightmares. A lot of them. I don't sleep well. I… Keep remembering…"

Asuka stared at him. She forced herself not to let her mouth get open. He… Damn him. He really did it. That little wimp had actually done it. He had opened a little part of his soul, of his pain and his sorrow, and shared it with her. He had actually trusted her, despite what he said. He had actually dared to open up a bit. He didn't say what his nightmares were, what did he remember. But he said he had nightmares. He said he remembered painful things. And he had said those things for the first time. And he chose her. _He told them to her, and only her_.

"I…" Asuka gulped. Could she do the same? Could she trust him like he had trusted her? She didn't have to tell anything, if she didn't want. Shinji's eyes told her so. Just don't say anything, forget I talked. It's alright. You don't have to. Asuka bit her lips. Would she? Would she choose to let it go? It would be easier. She knew that if she opened the door, she would not be able to stop. Maybe not now, but they would talk again about those things. They would share more of their soul. Maybe…

It was a scary thought. If she trusted him now, she knew she would have to do so in the future. She would end up trusting him with all she got inside her. She knew she would. Sooner or later, she would tell him everything about her. All her insecurities, all her fears, all her flaws. She would trust him with everything she got. And he would betray her, she knew it. How could he not? She was horrible.

He would run away from her, and she'd hurt. But… she couldn't shake the feeling. What if he didn't? What if he was different? What if he actually stayed by her side? If he betrayed her, it would hurt… But she was already hurting, wasn't she? Wasn't it painful to be like that? To be reminded constantly that she had not changed despite everything?

And so, she chose.

"I…" she licked her lips; they were suddenly very dry "I don't like dolls. I hate them. I'm scared of them. They… remind me something"

Asuka looked up. She realized for the first time that Shinji was the taller one, now. Shinji stared at her a few seconds. He was happy. He was very, very happy. Even if his face didn't show the emotion, for fear of inducing the feeling that he was enjoying Asuka's insecurity, he was really happy. _She_ had trusted _him_. After all he'd done, after all he'd failed, and she had trusted him. Out of all the reliable people in the world, she had trusted him.

Shinji bit his lip, suppressing the urge to crush the redhead in a hug. He had tried his hardest to share something with her, with the stupid hope of her not laughing in her face, but…

The elevator door opened with a ding again, signalling the arrival. Asuka left first, walking hurriedly. Shinji did not mind. He kind of understood.

And, for the first time in his life, he entered the cages happily.

* * *

"Did something happen?" Maya asked, sipping from her cup of coffee and looking at the screens.

"What do you mean?" Misato asked, stretching. Man, morning tests were a killer for someone like her.

"I mean Shinji. And Asuka" Maya sipped again, and frowned when she found the cup empty "Come, you saw it!"

Misato raised an eyebrow.

"I see no issue"

Maya eyed her raising an eyebrow. She then caught the shadow of a little smirk dancing in the Major's lips.

"Sure you don't. I mean what kind of person would think anything of Asuka running to the lockers, with her face like a tomato and Shinji getting in here whistling? The fact that he's now singing?"

"I think it's normal"

"Me too"

They remained silent for some seconds, looking at the graphics and wave patterns in the multiple screens. Maya talked again.

"You don't think they…?"

"They what?" Misato asked.

"You know" Maya fidgeted "Actually _did_ something"

"Well" Misato chuckled "Probably not. But something has happened. Something good"

Maya nodded.

* * *

Shinji singed inside the plug.

"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…~"

Asuka growled besides him.

"You're pissing me off"

Shinji ignored her. He was too happy to let her annoy him.

"What? Something like this happens, and you think you're the fucking king of the world?"

"Screw you"

"Whatever" Asuka snarled "You'll come in terms with reality. I mean… How long will it take you to screw everything up? Do you think you'll sleep better tonight? Do you think you'll be able to avoid your nightmares?"

"I don't" Shinji said "I know tonight will be nightmarish again. I probably won't have another good night of rest in my whole life. But you know what? I don't care. If that is the price of Asuka trusting me, even if it's a tiny little bit, I'll gladly pay it"

Asuka grinned.

"Isn't that nice?" she chuckled "Fine. Be that way. After all, is no fun tormenting someone who's already over the edge. When the time comes, and reality kicks you in the balls, it'll be way more fun if you think everything was going nice"

Shinji just sang louder.

"Never gonna tell a lie…~"

Asuka voice came form the com.

"For God's sake!" she screamed "Shut up!"

"And hurt youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!~"

Asuka roared in his ear.

* * *

Vito Trivianni, sailor and father of two sons, stared in awe. Descendant of Italian immigrants, he was very proud of his heritage. So, when he saw the gigantic black sphere floating in the Australian sea, he blasphemed in nice, good Italian.

"Cazzo di Cristo!"

His fellow workers heard his curse and came out to see the massive body floating. That thing… That thing was just too big to be real. Even their massive freighter was like a toy ship in comparison. The captain rushed to the bridge, took the radio and dialled a number he had been forced to memorize. He never actually believed those stories about giant robots and monsters that threatened humanity, but all the people responsible for international travelling had been forced to memorize that horrible number, in the hopes of never dialling it.

Bad luck he pulled the short string.

Thousand of kilometres to the Northwest, Misato Katsuragi picked up her phone. He had an international call from the Australian branch. She listened for a few seconds. She then gave her thanks, and reassured the stuttering man on the other side of the line. With a soothing voice, she told him to be ready for the reception of giant robots and their pilots. She then hung up gently.

And her horrible and Hell-inducing curse could be heard through the hole Nerv HQ.


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's today's chapter. **

**This one is probably the most light-****hearted one so far, and possibly the most light-hearted one that there'll be in the whole story. Don't worry though, the angst and the pain will return soon enough.**

**I wrote this one just to be a little silly, and as transition to the next arc of the story. Next week… Battle! Blood splatters! Boobies! No wait… Scratch that. No boobies. Yet…**

**So, yeah. I apologize beforehand for this silly, silly chapter. I don't know what the hell was I thinking. I blame the flu.**

**I don't own Evangelion, and stuff. **

12- THE (NAUGHTY) CALM BEFORE THE STORM

Shinji rewound the cassette. After a few seconds the song was ready to sound and Shinji pressed the 'Play' button again. The tunes coming from his SDAT restarted and Shinji hummed at the rhythm of the music. Kensuke looked up from the book on military tactics to eye at him, chuckled faintly and resumed his reading. Shinji ignored him. He knew his friends considered him weird for going around listening to a cassette player when they had technology that was absolutely indiscernible from magic. As Asuka had put it: 'You're still listening to _that_?!' Shinji didn't care. That SDAT was important to him. He found it in a box of her mother's belongings. It had significance. So what if he only had one tape? It was his mother's tape. He'd never grow tired of it.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and Toji stormed in, fuming and cursing aloud. Shinji unplugged the earphones, to catch the last words of his ranting.

"… all over her face!"

Shinji decided he didn't want to know who 'her' was, and what she had 'all over her face'. Kensuke, on the other hand, did.

"What's the matter?" he asked in an amused tone. Shinji suspected what it was.

"She-Devil is the problem!" Bingo "I mean, get her off the hook, dammit! You're not her mother, for Christ's sake!"

Shinji sighed.

"Why don't you just give up?" he asked.

"Because I don't want to!" Toji roared "Hikari is my girlfriend!"

"She's also Asuka's best friend" Shinji explained calmly "Let them have some girly time"

"They've been in that cabin with Mari for two whole days!" Toji complained.

"With you interrupting every half an hour" Kensuke butted in "Shinji's right. She-Devil is now probably just doing it to piss you off. You know her, let her have her way for some hours and she'll get tired quickly"

"I've only seen Hikari during the meals!" Toji growled "I'm a man! I have needs!"

Shinji's eyebrow rose.

"Wait, you're bitching at us because you're not getting any?"

"That's just sad…"

"Shut your virgin mouths!" Toji retorted "You can't understand my pain!"

"Yes we do" Kensuke said "It's called 'blue balls'"

"You don't get it!" Toji continued "My spermatozoids are very aggressive! If they don't get released regularly, they attack less important, female cells like neurones! It's a scientific fact!"

"Wow, I can't even grasp how wrong what you just said is" Kensuke commented in awe.

"If the problem is that, you have the bathroom just there" Shinji said, pointing at the door that lead to the restroom in their cabin "We won't tell Hikari"

"I can't do that!" Toji whimpered "Once you've tried the real thing, you can't get back! You can't understand my pain!"

"Will you _please_ stop reminding us we're virgins?" Kensuke asked.

"Who said I was a virgin?"

Both Toji and Kensuke stopped talking and looked at him.

"What?" Toji managed to gasp.

"I don't remember saying I was"

Kensuke frowned.

"Then…" he said "You aren't?"

"I never said I wasn't, either" Shinji answered. Now he was enjoying himself. He remembered with nostalgia the times when the simple mentioning of sex would throw him into and stuttering frenzy.

"So, you are"

Shinji shrugged.

"You are" Toji confirmed "If you go about it like this, it means you are"

"What are you, fourteen?" Shinji asked "What kind of logic is that? I'm a gentleman; I don't talk about things like this"

"So…"

"So I've never lied to you. Now ask yourselves: Would Shinji lie about this?"

"Now you're just fucking with us" Knesuke said.

"Probably" Shinji shrugged, getting up "We're going to be in this ship some more days, I need some form of amusement"

"You're an asshole"

Shinji chuckled and left the room, leaving his two friends. He wanted to talk with Misato for a bit. Looking at his watch, he decided she was probably in the cafeteria, so he started to walk, plugging his earphones again and humming to the music.

Kensuke looked for a bit at the door. He then turned to his friend.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"I think my balls are gonna explode any minute now"

Kensuke groaned. If this kept up, he himself would go beg Asuka to let Hikari have sex with Toji. Maybe his spermatozoids were _really_ attacking his neurones.

-----------------

Misato glared at the half-empty can of beer like it was the cause of her troubles. She just didn't get it. Two 'Angels' in a week was not that strange, but they had appeared in two very different parts of the world. Maya said they couldn't figure it out why, and Misato believed her. Even if Maya had looked up to Ritsuka, they were alike at all. And Misato was pretty sure she did not have to worry about the scientist getting at it with Commander Fuyutsuki. Misato grimaced with disgust at the thought. That was just sick.

A light pat on her shoulder made her turn around and smile.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Shinji asked, sitting in front of her with a soda can.

"Want a beer?" Misato asked half joking. After all, by German laws, he could drink if he wanted to.

"I don't drink" Shinji said "I have enough troubles as it is. So what's bugging you?"

Misato growled and emptied the rest of her can in a gulp. It was her third one.

"Everything" Misato said "Everything is so… off"

"It always was with the Angels"

"That's the problem" Misato explained "We're not even sure if they are Angels! They appear in random places of the globe and we didn't manage to confirm the last one's wave pattern. There's also that black sphere. It has appeared again"

Shinji nodded pensively.

"So what do you think?" he asked.

"I don't know what to think, but I have a very bad feeling about all this"

"It'll be alright" Shinji said. Misato realized he was saying it to convince himself, too "I'm here and Asuka's here too. It'll be alright"

"Now we're getting to the interesting things!" Misato exclaimed, taking a can of beer form a guy that passed besides her. The man turned around to complain but when he saw who they were, he decided to let it go.

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked.

"Oh, come on!" Misato purred "Don't play dumb with me. I saw you two getting out of that elevator as if your were coming from La-La Land"

"Really?" Shinji smiled faintly "Asuka looked happy?"

Misato raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah…" she smiled "And relieved. Like she had lifted some heavy package from her shoulders"

Shinji smile grew a little and Misato grinned.

"So, will you tell me about it?"

"Well" Shinji said. He wondered how to talk about it without saying too much "We… Had a talk"

"A talk?" Misato grinned "What kind of talk? A naughty talk?"

Shinji frowned.

"Why is everybody talking about sex today?"

"Everybody?"

"Toji's feeling frustrated" Shinji explained "Asuka won't let Hikari out of the room. I think she's doing it solely to annoy him"

"Well, a trip by boat can get pretty boring" Misato nodded "Sucks for Toji, though"

* * *

Asuka roared in frustration as she threw her portable console against the pillow.

"I hit him!" she shouted at the machine "That's not a 'Game Over'. I hit him! It's a headshot!"

"Let me try…" Mari said, taking the small console and starting to smash buttons. Asuka frowned at the sight.

"Can I go, now?" Hikari asked for the thousandth time.

"No!" Asuka shouted back "That horny dog is it there! Who knows what he might do to you!"

"But I want to…" Hikari started, before Asuka's scream cut her.

"You don't!"

"But we've been doing it since I returned from Inst…"

"In Nerv HQ I can't stop it" Asuka growled "But I must re-train you. You've gone stray from the right path!"

"That doesn't make any…"

"And also, it's an order!" Asuka said with triumphal glow "You can't disobey a direct order from a superior officer, can you Pilot Horaki?"

Hikari looked at her best friend hopelessly.

"But why?" she whimpered.

"Because now that she's talking to the Third again, she knows what she's missed and is feeling frustrated" Mari said, without averting her gaze from the screen "She's probably doing it because it'll take her a while to get to that phase with Ikari and is growing impatient"

Asuka's face turned the same colour as her face.

"You're talking with him again?" Hikari asked with a smile. Sweet, sweet revenge "How come?"

"It's not that" Asuka defended herself "We just had a talk…"

"And now you want to ride him like bicycle" Mari finished for her. Hikari blushed at the boldness of her words.

"I don't!" Asuka said.

"Aw, come on!" Mari continued, impassibly "What are you, a fifteen year-old girl who can't admit her little crush? You want him"

"I don't!"

"Can I have him, then?" Mari asked.

"I…" Asuka started, before the words of her fellow pilot sank "Wait, what?"

"Can I have him?" Mari asked "Since you don't want him anyway…"

Hikari stared at her.

"Do you like him or what?" she asked.

"Well" Mari said, without averting her gaze from the screen "He has the biggest number of solo kills, the highest synch ratio and he always smells of LCL. Also, I think he's hot"

"That's…" Hikari started. Mari ignored her.

"So, can I?"

"No!" Asuka anwered.

"Why?"

"Because I say so!"

"That's no answer, Asuka" Hikari butted in with a smile.

"It'll affect his performance!" Asuka said "And… And he would… Cry! Yeah. That's what he'd do!"

"That doesn't make any sense at all" Hikari said.

"You shut up!" Asuka said "I said so, so nobody is going to…"

"Ride him like a bicycle?" Mari offered "Fine. Just don't take too long. I mean, even I have my limits"

"I hate you so much" Asuka growled.

* * *

A few days later, the Australian coast closer and closer by the minute, Misato called the Evangelion pilots. There was no trace of the light mood that had characterized the trip. All the way from the previous day, the mood had been darkening, the jokes scarcer and scarcer until none were told, and the laughs dying off gradually. Misato knew that mood. The Childs were getting ready for combat. Six serious, tensed faces looked at her.

Misato looked at the eyes at every one of them. She stared at the confident, the scared, the resigned, the expectant. They knew what she would say. They knew Kensuke and Hikari were to be at the rear again, the last card to pull off. They knew that, if it came to this, it would mean four of they were dead.

Misato reviewed mentally the information she had and all the possible outcomes. She then breathed deeply. When she talked, she didn't do it as Drunken Misato, but as Major Katsuragi, Operation Chief of Nerv.

"The target is supposed to arrive to land in two days. Unlike last time, there will be no previous field training. Like last time, Unit-01 and Unit-02 are to engage the target in close quarters as Unit-04 and Unit-05 cover them" Misato breathed deeply "Unit-06 and Unit-07 will be given super-long range weapons. They will stay back and cover the other Units. Any questions?"

Mari raised her hand.

"What about the black sphere?" Mari "Does it have the same nature than the last one?"

"We're not sure" Misato answered "We'll launch a conventional attack to discover it. If it is indeed the same than last time, you won't be deployed until the target gets out of it"

Toji raised his hand too.

"What about the power?" Will we use the same batteries we used the last time?"

Misato shook her head.

"No. Those were a prototype. They were too damaged during the last fight and couldn't be repaired. However, the closest city to the target has been evacuated. You'll engage the target there. Umbilical cables had been installed already, so there will be no time limit. However, if you cable gets severed, you'll have five minutes of autonomy before running out of power. I recommend finding another one fast"

"One more thing" Misato added, looking directly at Kensuke and Hikari "You two will be our snipers. You have to do two things: one, remain undetected. Two, don't shoot off your own teammates"

Both youths gulped and nodded.

"Anymore questions?"

Everybody shook their heads.

"Okay" Misato smiled faintly "Then go get some rest. In two days, you have to save the world"

The pilots saluted and turned around to leave.

"Pilot Ikari" Misato called at the last instant. Shinji turned around "Remember what we talked"

Shinji looked at her with an unreadable expression in his face. He then nodded slowly.

* * *

Was he near? He didn't know where we would come out… No, no. He was sure he got it well. He could feel it. They were near. Mother was near. The Bringer was near. He growled. The Beasts were near, too. It didn't matter. He had his mission. He had to deliver the message. This had to end. The Bringer had to listen. He had his mission. He had to deliver the message. This had to end. The Bringer had to listen. He had his mission…

As the Placenta tore open, he fought to get out of the black mass. The LCL and the extra blood flood out, he fell to the ground. It was done. He had to deliver the message. He had to talk to Him.

_Can you hear me, Bringer?_

And, as he opened his eyes, Dantalion saw the sunlight for the first time.


	13. Chapter 13

**Time**** for today's chapter! This one has fighting in it! **

**Well, let me hear your thoughts about this fight. Too bad there's no berserker this time. **

**To make up for it… Yes! Ghost Asuka torturing time! Yays! Mmmmh… Maybe I shouldn't enjoy writing her parts so much. Do you think that makes me a bad person?**

**Well, screw it. I really wish everybody is getting the hints I'm leaving. Hints about Unit-01, Shinji and the 'Angels'. Heh, heh, heh. Now I feel evil fro saying that.**

**Anyway, I don't own Evangelion, and blah, blah, blah.**

13- DANTALION

Fuyutsuki growled in annoyance, hanging up the cell phone he had in his hand. The Evangelion units would be engaging the Fallen One that had appeared in Australian waters in a few minutes. So what? It was Katsuragi's job to lead the Units to victory, not his. He had a more important thing to do right now.

"Hurry up" he said, leading the search party in what remained of the Geofront.

Now that everything had been confirmed, Fuyutsuki felt impatient for the first time. He tried to calm down. His target was small and probably buried. Also, there was no need to rush the plan. He inhaled deeply. He had to be patient. No use on ruining everything now.

-----------------

_Can you hear me, Bringer?_

Damn. Not this again.

_Listen to me…_

Shut up, dammit. I don't want to listen to you.

_Why?_

Shinji just gritted his teeth. Over the com, he could hear the voices of Misato and the technicians, trying to figure out the reason for his wave patterns dancing like crazy.

"Shinji!" Misato "Shinji, do you hear me?!"

_Why won't you listen? Why do you hate us?_

I don't even know who you are.

_Then why do you attack us?_

You are a danger to who I hold dear.

_But we are your family. You can't do this. It's not right._

I don't understand. I don't know what you're saying, and I don't want to know.

_But you must stop. They had their opportunity and wasted it. Don't take the same road they did._

What are you talking about?

"Shinji!" Misato's voice insisted "What's wrong, Shinji?!"

_You must come with us. It's your place. We're your family._

I have no family.

_Yes, you do._

What will happen to them?

_The Beasts have strayed from their path. The Lilim have made too many mistakes. They cannot be saved._

I don't want that.

_It's not in you hands. It was decided a long ago. You gave them the Blessing, and they did not learn.__ It's time for you to greet your kind._

I don't want to.

_You must._

No.

_You will._

No.

_You will._

"No!" Shinji screamed. Until that moment, he didn't realize he had been shrieking non-stop since the conversation started "Shut up! You know nothing! Just stay there and die!"

"Shinji, what's wrong?!" Misato said "What's happening?!"

Misato watched in horror as Unit-01 leaped forward, only to be met by the massive hand of the Angel, which knocked him down, destroying a bunch of building with its fall.

"Asuka! She screamed "Help him!"

"I know that!"

* * *

Asuka gritted her teeth as she commanded Unit-02 to dash forward. What had just happened? The had been launched just after the black sphere broke, but just at the instant Unit-01 had put its eyes on the monster, Shinji's deafening scream had resounded in the com. He had been shouting without a pause for a few seconds, before shouting at the Angel in rage and charging towards it. Asuka didn't understand what happened.

"Mari, Toji!" she ordered "Cover me!"

"Roger that!"

"Yippie-kai-yay!"

From both the assault rifles of Units 04 and 05, a haul of bullets appeared, covering Dantalion in little explosions as the rounds reached its AT-Field. The monster looked at them in annoyance.

Dantalion had a massive mattress-shaped dark gray body, with thin, short legs and disproportionally long arms, which ended in two four-fingered hands. He had no recognizable face anywhere, just the core place where it should be.

The Angel ducked, before making a jump that should be impossible to something that size and with those ridiculous legs. It landed just before Asuka and tried to grab Unit-02. The Evangelion responded evading the hands with a swift move, hitting the side of the monster with a round kick to the side. Dantalion was thrown out of balance and rolled on the floor, destroying building blocks as it did so.

Asuka roared and jumped towards it, trying to land on its core with her lance first, but the Angel's AT-Field appeared in front of her Evangelion's feet. After a few seconds of struggling, Unit-02 was shot out to the sky, landing heavily on its feet a few hundreds of meters away.

"Dammit!" Asuka cursed. She moved her lance with the ability of a majorette, as Mari and Toji distracted the monster again with another shoot-out.

"Shinji!" Asuka growled to the com "Get that scrawny lazy ass of yours up before I kick your sorry excuse of a face!"

Unit-01 one up little instants after she said that. It wobbled a bit before it steadied itself. It drew its progressive knife and got in guard.

"You don't have to be that rude" Shinji complained.

"Shut up and follow me!"

This was said as Unit-02 dashed again towards the Angel. Dantalion raised its arm and with a sickening wet noise it stretched all the way towards Unit-01. The Evangelion ducked and moved its weapon, slashing the offender arm. Dantalion howled it pain at the arm returned to its position, leaving a trail of black blood.

Just as the monster raised its other arm to attack, from where NERV had set their base, a massive rocket hit it straight in the back. The monster roared again, caught off-guard. As it started to turn around, another hail of bullets forced him to face the other Evangelions.

Inside the cockpit, Asuka smiled. Now this was going well. Both Unit-06 and 07 had been armed with rocket launchers. With them and the unceasing fire coming from Units 04 and 05, the Angel was sure to let his guard fall sooner or later. Then, she just had to smash its AT-Field and kill him.

That sounded easy. The key word being _sounded_.

-----------------

Shinji moved behind a building, waiting for the Angel to move. He gritted his teeth, clenching his grab on the controllers. Well, his left hand clenched its good fingers. What was wrong with him? When Naberius talked to him during the last battle, he thought it to be some kind of mental attack. But this time, it happened again. What were the chances of two Angels possessing the same ability, using it at the same time and saying almost the same things to him? Maybe the problem was inside his head.

Shinji shook his head and tried to focus. Now was not the time to think about those things. There was an Angel that needed some killing, over there.

He saw Unit-02 charge, slamming against Dantalion's AT-Field. Shinji made Unit-01 sprint towards them, as he watched Asuka's struggle against the octagonal force field.

"What the hell's wrong with this?" Shinji heard her growl through the com.

"Raise your AT-Field pattern to match his" Misato said.

"No shit!" Asuka huffed "I hadn't thought about that!"

Shinji whistled in awe. He had to give it to her. Even in shitty situations, she was able to come with witty remarks.

He accelerated his Evangelion, just as Dantalion punched Unit-02 with both arms, sending it flying. Shinji heard Asuka's pained curse over the com.

With a roar, Shinji jumped, effectively tackling the Angel before it could move its AT-Field to face Unit-01. Shinji raised the prog knife but, before he could bring it down, a third arm appeared from the monster's stomach, punching him off against a building. The Angel got on its feet again, popping arms from its rectangular body, making them a total of six.

Then, all of them stretched at once. Shinji got up hurriedly, rolling on the floor to get away from the assault. He was saved when another rocket impacted on the monster, followed by a storm of gunfire.

"Get away!" he heard Toji scream. Shinji obliged, retiring to regain his composure.

The Angel turned towards Unt-04 but Unit-05 effectively diverted its attention with its own fire.

"There's no feeling any greater…~ than to shoot first and ask questions later…~"

Shinji raised an eyebrow. He had missed it because of all the running and shooting, but was Mari actually _singing_?

"Asuka" he said, ignoring his comrade "I think we should go together now"

"Really?" Asuka's sarcastic voice answered "Sure. I mean, it's not like this thing has six arms or something"

"Being sarcastic sure is helpful in this situation" Shinji snorted back "Come on, keep it up. I'm sure it'll be helpful"

Before Asuka could growl an angry response, Toji's voice cut them.

"Okay, newlyweds, you can have phone sex later" he said "We're trying to kill a twenty store behemoth here"

"You shut up!" Asuka exclaimed "You don't even know what a 'behemoth' is!"

"Toji's right" Misato cut in "We need you to stay focused"

Shinji jumped back, hiding behind a building as a bunch of flying punched destroyed the floor he was on.

"Any suggestions?"

"We'll have Toji and Mari shoot it from left and the right respectively" Misato said "Shinji and Asuka will charge. Unit-01 is in charge of bringing the AT-Field down and Unit-02 will finish it off"

"Roger that.

"Okay!~"

"Will Unit-01 be enough by itself?" Asuka asked

"I'll be fine" Shinji answered "Just make sure you kill it fast"

-----------------

It hurts. A lot. His original right arm was still bleeding. Why Mother? Why Bringer? It hurts so much. Why did you do that? I was trying to make you understand. Why did you attack? I did nothing to you. I was just there, trying to give the message, and you attacked me. I'm sorry I struck you. I was scared. You wanted to kill me. I was afraid. I'm sorry.

It's the Beasts, right? It's their fault. They are forcing you. I can't accept you doing this by your own free will. I just can. They have somehow tricked you. They must have, if you can't recognize your family anymore.

Ah! I understand now! It's the red Beast, isn't it? I can sense it. It's the red Beast. It's the one that tricked you, right? It must be. I saw it in your mind. The red Beast and its controller. You had the controller in your mind. So strong, yet so soft. So painful, yet so sweet. So… confusing. I don't like it. The Lilim do not deserve those things coming from you. You're above them. Above that Lilim. I don't like it. I don't like her.

She's trying to get you away from us isn't she? Yes, yes she is. I may not see her mind, but I know it. She's trying to snatch you from us. That's not right. You are our family. I'll make you understand.

I'm sorry, but I'll have to hurt you a little. You understand, right? I must put you out of the fight. It won't be much. Just a limb or two. Then I'll take care of the Beasts. It'll be easy. Just a little bit more and we'll be reunited. As family.

You'll be proud of me.

* * *

"Now!" Misato shouted over the com. Shinji dashed forward, followed by Asuka. From both side of the Angel, Units 04 and 05 started shooting frantically. Dantalion looked confused for a second, but the stretched all of its six arms, three at each side, trying to catch the offending Evangelions, who kept jumping and moving around.

Shinji jumped forward, somersaulting in the air, before landing in all four on the Angels suddenly deployed AT-Field. Shinji roared as it clawed the shield with both hands, trying to rip it open. He could hear Unit-02's heavy footsteps getting closer. He had to hurry up.

Ignoring the bullets flying and impacting around him, Shinji growled and pulled with all the strength he could muster, raising his own AT-Field deployment at the maximum. Damn, was it hard. Dantalion's shield was stronger than any other he ever faced. Shinji growled and huffed. He needed a stronger field. He needed to pull harder. Asuka was counting on him. Toji was too, the same as Mari. Misato entrusted her plan with his success. Everybody needed him to destroy this AT-Field. He could not fail. Everybody needed him. He could not fail again. Not again. Never again.

Break it. Rip it. Smash it. Tear it. Destroy it. Destroy. Destroy.

Unit-01's eyes glowed and narrowed. With a final roar, Shinji managed to rip it open; just as Asuka jumped over his head, stabbing the Angel's core with her lance. The Angel howled, but having two Evangelion Unit's on top of him, prevented it from moving.

Shinji heard Asuka's roar as she pushed the lance, slowly cracking the core.

_Why?_

Damn, not again…

_Why?_

Just leave me alone.

_Why?_

Just shut up.

_I see. So that's it._

I told you to shut up.

_Why do you regret? You did the right thing._

Shut up.

_It was not your fault. Nothing was._

You're wrong. You know nothing. Shut up.

_But you can't change things. Just accept the reality._

Shut up…

_Was what you did really that bad? You did nothing wrong_.

Shut up…

_It was all their fault. They __only brought you pain._

Shut up!

_She never looked at you__. She only berated you. You know it…_

Shut up!!!

_She _deserved_ it._

"Shut up!" Shinji screamed "Shut up, shut up, !"

"Shinji?" Asuka's growling voice came.

"Kill it!" Shinji shouted "Kill it already! Shut up! Shut up! Kill him!"

Finally, following a horrifying crack from the core, the voice went silent. Shinji threw up, the vomit dissolving slowly in the LCL. This time, though, he didn't faint. A singly giggle sounded behind him.

"I told you, didn't I?" Asuka sang. She seemed in a good mood, beaming at him "What's in your mind is disgusting even to you. What you thought that time repulses even yourself. Good, nice little Shinji did nothing wrong. They all forced him. He only wanted to life a peaceful, normal life. Poor, poor little Shinji just wanted her to be nice to him. So they deserved it, right? They had it coming. They just had to hurt him until he couldn't take anymore. It was justice. Poor, lovable little Shinji did the right thing. If they had been nicer, poor, poor little Shinji would not have been forced to wipe out humanity. If she only looked at him with affection, she would not have had to die a horrible and painful death. If only. Poor, poor, nice, lovable and sad little Shinji. It was not his fault"

Shinji said nothing, just breather heavily.

"That's what you thought when Rei turned them into LCL, right?" Asuka asked, smiling widely at him "God, you're so fucking disgusting it's not even funny"


	14. Chapter 14

**Uh? Hello? Anyone there?**

**Yeah, I know. I missed last Friday's update. I have a good reason, though. Christmas is now coming. What does that mean? That means that my end-of term's exams are coming too. So my updating schedule may be a bit erratic. I probably won't be able to give you two chapters a week, at least not every week. Also, the updates may come in different days that the usual ones. Fear not, though. You'll have, at least, one chapter per week. I guess that's better than nothing, right?**

**Oh; yeah. I apologize for the end of this chapter. What can I say? Cliffhangers are fun. Fun for me, obviously XD**

**I don't own Evangelion, blah, blah. Okay, I think I'm not saying this anymore…**

14- CHESS

Closed inside his office, Commander of Nerv Kozo Fuyutsuki, was very little away from bursting out in laughter. He had now found a new respect for the late Commander Ikari. To be able to maintain his composure when everything seemed to go so smoothly was really difficult. He eyed the suitcase on his table, unable to believe just how damn lucky he was. If he didn't know better, he would have sworn somebody up there loved him an awful lot.

When he averted his eyes from the case, however, his expression changed to one of contrariety. This was out of his plans. Unit-01 had been deployed twice against the Fallen Ones, and twice its pilot had suffered some kind of mental attack. And they coincided with the times they emerged from the giant black sphere, and the times they were killed. It couldn't be a coincidence.

The problem was that, no matter what kind of test they ran, no sign of contamination appeared. There were no negative after-effects. Basically, those attacks were not meant to harm the pilot. But if that was true, what was their purpose? Fuyutsuki had looked through all his files and documents, but had found nothing. He needed new material.

The all-powerful Commander grimaced in disgust. He had been avoiding this moment since he returned from Japan, almost a month ago. He wasn't scared. It's just… The boy made him feel uneasy. Something was wrong with him. Something was very wrong. The way he walked, the way he talked, the way he behaved. Everything was like him but wasn't, at the same time. Like he had been on a trip to Hell, and back. He looked at the world like someone who's fed up with it. Fuyutsuki smiled. Well, everybody had weaknesses. The boy too. And, after all, Fuyutsuki only wanted to talk to him a bit. Just study the terrain. Discover what the boy knew or suspected. What the boy remembered.

Fuyutsuki clicked a button in his interphone.

"Get me the Third Child" he said.

* * *

Shinji grimaced at his plate and then looked around for a familiar face. Nobody. That was just perfect. He didn't want to eat alone. He was finally regaining his weight, something Doctor Frank seemed sincerely happy about. But Shinji still didn't want to eat alone. With a sigh and a shook of the head, he resigned himself to his fate.

Sitting in an empty table, Shinji started munching a spoonful of lasagne. He eyed the people in the cafeteria, catching some people looking at him to then start whispering between them. Shinji ignored them. In the time he had been here, he discovered the attitude towards the pilots was different from the one he had witnessed in Tokyo-3. The people looked at him with a mix of respect and fear. Like some kind of deity who had descended to Earth to pass judgement. Shinji almost laughed. A strong pat on his shoulder averted his attention.

A flash of red flashed before him and Asuka sat in front of him. She grinned at him.

"Hey there, Sad-Face" she greeted. Shinji nodded.

"Hi, Lieutenant" he said.

Asuka frowned. Okay, _maybe_ she deserved it a bit. After all, she had been the one to tell him to call her that. But now was different. They were alone.

"So" she said "How did it go? Have they declared you senile yet?"

Shinji chuckled.

"Not yet" he answered "And I don't think you can plea insanity to retire from piloting an Evangelion. I don't remember anybody being totally sane in Tokyo-3"

"I was sane"

"That's true"

Asuka narrowed her eyes and glared at him. Shinji could tell she was looking for a tone, a gesture, anything that could tell her if he was actually mocking her. She always did. Of course; she found nothing, even if Shinji _had_ actually mocked her.

"Damn right I was" Asuka growled, taking Shinji's bread and biting on it. Shinji had already refused to complain about it. Asuka always took something from his plate.

"But seriously" Asuka continued "They have found nothing? Come on, those things are always pocking inside your head!"

"Yeah, I know" Shinji said "But they said that they had not found any traces of mental contamination, nor they had found any kind of mental problem"

"I think you're trying to say 'Any kind of _new_ mental problem'" Asuka mocked "Because God knows just how unstable you really are"

Shinji opened his mouth to reply to that, but decided against it. Going down that road would lead to a pretty nasty argument, something he didn't want to. Now that they were slowly regaining a bit of normalcy between them, it wasn't wise to threw it all to the garbage bin just to spurt out smoe smart-ass comment.

Besides, she was right. He already had enough issues before he even saw an Eva for the first time. Right now, his brain was probably Freud's wet dream. Since the last fight, almost daily, Shinji would confront a bunch of doctors, scientist, psychologists and psychoanalysts, who would go around and take samples, run tests and ask a lot of questions. In less than a month, Shinji had discovered that he had a higher-than-average IQ, that it was a miracle that he wasn't dead from sleep deprivation, that he had father issues and a problem of repressed anger. To sum up, they had told him things he already knew.

He could blame them, though. After all, he kept lying and lying to their questions. No, I don't hate the reality I live in. No, I don't really hate my father or Nerv. No, I've never had rape fantasies. No, I've never wanted to kill someone. No, I don't see anybody who shouldn't be there. No, I've never heard voices nobody else could hear. So, yeah.

"What are you thinking?" Asuka asked. Shinji realized then that he had been a few seconds totally still.

"Nothing, really" Shinji lied "Just the futility of all this. I think all their questions would be answered if they just got inside an Evangelion"

"I can't say I don't understand what you mean" Asuka nodded "I don't really like shrinks either. When I got up here five years ago, they also kept bugging me with questions I had no intention of answering"

Shinji nodded slowly. He then realized something.

"Now that I think about it…" he wondered "What are you doing here?"

Asuka raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's way past lunchtime" Shinji explained "Everybody here is people who have been working past their morning schedule. I'm here because my stupid brain scan took longer that they thought"

"Well" Asuka said "I really didn't have anything else to do. My only duty as Lieutenant is the pilots. It was either coming here or playing Solitaire on my computer. You won by a narrow margin"

"Thanks?"

They kept silent for a while. Shinji kept eating his meal, shooting glances towards Asuka. The young woman kept munching absentmindedly at the bread she had stolen from Shinji, her eyes travelling lazily around the cafeteria.

"Hey" Shinji called. Asuka looked at him "Care to join me for a walk when I'm done?"

"A walk?" the girl asked mockingly "A walk where?"

"Outside" Shinji said "We can get outside, right?"

"Yeah. But, why? Here you have everything you could need"

"I know" Shinji replied "I just want to go outside. I spent a lot of time outdoors during these last five years. Being underground for so many weeks is tiring me. I want some air"

"I see. So, a walk, huh?"

"Yeah"

"Outside"

"Mmh" Shinji muttered, filling his mouth again.

"So it's like a date, isn't it?" Asuka said.

Shinji almost chocked. He gulped down his mouthful painfully. Asuka burst in laughter.

"Oh, _Mein Gott_!" Asuka managed to gasp "I can't believe you still react like that!"

"I don't think it's funny" Shinji grumbled.

"Well, _I_ do!" Asuka laughed "I can't believe you react the same exact way you didwhen you were fourteen!"

"Oh, shut up"

"I mean, come on!" Asuka mocked "You're almost twenty for Christ's sake!"

After laughing a bit more at Shinji's expense, Asuka calmed down and smiled warmly.

"Some things never change, isn't that right?"

Shinji looked at her; eyeing that pale, beautiful face, her mischievous smile and those big, blue eyes, all framed with fiery red. He couldn't help but smile.

"That's right" he conceded "Some things don't change"

* * *

Lorenz Keel coughed violently. Cursing between spasmodic coughs, he opened his desk, not without difficulty and took a little can. Still coughing, he managed to get three pills from it and gulp them down. He kept coughing horribly for a few minutes. After the attack, he cursed, trying to catch his breath.

He was dying. Slowly but steadily, he was walking the road to his grave. Even he, the most powerful man in the world, was nothing against the pass of time. But before the Grim Reaper took his life, he had to solve that riddle. He had to know. He had to discover many things. He had to know the origin of those new 'Angels'. He had to know what Fuyutsuki was planning with his trip to Japan. Keel didn't buy the official explanation of 'Getting things Ikari could have hid that may help in the new situation'. And, more than anything else, he had to know who had aborted Instrumentality. He was too old to make him pay. He only wanted to talk to him or her once. He wanted to know his or her reasons. He needed to know.

Because Lorenz Keel was a man who assessed knowledge above anything else.

* * *

When Shinji approached the elevator that would take him and Asuka to the surface, he knew he would have to leave their walk for another day. He sighed deeply and stopped. Asuka turned to tell him to hurry up, but said nothing when she saw the two Secton-2 corpulent men that approached them. Shinji recognized them as the two who had 're-recruited' him. They were probably the ones in charge of monitoring him, so that he didn't disappear again.

"Pilot Ikari" the shorter one said "The Commander wishes to speak with you. Could you come with us?"

"Why do you two keep asking things like I've got a choice in the matter?" Shinji replied angrily. He then turned to Asuka "Sorry about this"

Asuka just nodded; a frown forming on her eyebrows.

"Sure" she said "Don't make the Commander wait"

Shinji nodded apologetically and signalled the two agents to go.

"He better have a damn good reason to call me" Shinji growled to himself. It was to keep the appearances. He had a pretty good idea as to why he had been called.

* * *

Growling in frustration, Major Misato Katsuragi, threw the paperclips she was holding to her table.

"Damn. It. All" she grumbled. Maya Ibuki just nodded.

"Precisely" she agreed "That's the situation"

"Well, this explains exactly nothing" Misato said.

"I know" Maya said "The molecular structure is similar to that of the Angels, but their wavelength pattern is totally different"

"Translation, please"

"Those two things weren't Angels" Maya said bluntly.

Misato almost spilled her coffee.

"Wait a damned minute!" she managed to gasp "Are you telling me there are other things like that apart from the Angels?!"

"I'm afraid so"

"So it may be like the last War all over again?!" Misato almost shouted.

"It's a possibility" Maya admitted "However, there are a few things that worry me more than that"

"Share them with me"

"Okay" Maya started "First, I don't understand their motivation. We know the Angels were after Adam and Lilith. That's why they appeared near Tokyo-3. But these… things, they have appeared at random places that had no relation between them. It's like… Like they are looking for something, but without knowing where it's located"

"Looking for what?"

"I don't know" Maya confided.

"Dandy" Misato grumbled "What else?"

"Second, their AT-Field worries me"

"What do you mean?" Misato asked.

"Unit-02 was unable to break it" Maya explained "The Evangelion AT-Field wasn't strong enough to match the one from that monster"

"I don't understand" Misato said frowning "Unit-01 was able to do it without trouble"

"That brings me to the third question that worries me. Unit-01. And Shinji. So far, the only Evangelion able to match those things' AT-Field has been Unit-01. And those things keep invading Unit-01's pilot mind. Meaning, they keep invading Shinji's mind"

"Do you think there's a relation between these two things?"

"I don't know" Maya admitted "I want to think it's a coincidence but… You know how these things work. When was the last time something related to an Evangelion was coincidence?"

Misato nodded pensively.

"But what's so special about Unit-01? Why Shinji?" she asked herself aloud.

"Truth be told" Maya fidgeted "Unit-01 is different from the other Evangelions in… More ways than one. You know it. What troubles me is Shinji. I just don't know what makes him different from the rest of our pilots. If it's a matter of Angel-battling experience, why not target Asuka? Why only Shinji?

"I don't know" Misato whispered.

"And there's another thing" Maya added "it's probably the one that worries me the most"

Misato frowned again.

"What is it?"

"Well" Maya fidgeted, looking at the door to see if there was anybody there "It's only a gut feeling. I have no proof…"

"Please, tell me" Misato said "God knows how many times 'gut feelings' have mattered in anything concerning Nerv"

"To be honest, I think the Commander knows exactly what's going on" Maya said "I think he knows the answer to all these questions"

Misato smiled lightly before sipping her coffee. She then looked at Maya for a good five seconds.

"You think so, too?"

* * *

Shinji watched in amusement as the two Internal Affairs agent stopped at the door, letting him pass to close it behind his back. He was not going anywhere until the Commander said so, huh?

"I'm glad we caught you, pilot Ikari" Fuyutsuki said.

Shinji didn't answer right away, instead taking a look at the Commander's office. The young man shuddered internally, realising just how much like his father's it looked. The same poorly illuminated room, with just one expensive looking desk in the middle of it. If Shinji felt any kind of hope; it died that instant. Shinji had just confirmed something he had suspected since Instrumentality. He had tried to blame those memories on the trauma, but he was wrong. As he looked at the man in front of him, he confirmed once again that all he remembered had been true. All he had seen about the old man before him had been real. Kozo Fuyutsuki was the same as Gendo Ikari. In more ways than one.

"I had almost escaped" Shinji finally answered "You're bouncers caught me when I was almost at the elevator"

"And you were taking one of our pilots with you?"

"A bargaining chip" Shinji shrugged.

Fuyutsuki laughed softly, without a trace of humour in his voice.

"It's good to see that you have a sense of humor" he said.

"I try" Shinji replied "You know, to compensate for the horrible trauma and mental scarring. So, did you want anything, or you just wanted to comment my talent as a humorist?"

Fuyutsuki narrowed his eyes lightly. Arrogance. The boy was being arrogant, but without taking it to the rudeness level. He knew were his place was, and was trying to figure out were Fuyutsuki stood. The brat had grown.

"I wanted to have a talk" Fuyutsuki said, offering Shinji a chair with a wave of his hand "A serious one, if you don't mind"

"Sure" Shinji said, sitting down. Fuyutsuki opened a little stash on his desk.

"Can I offer you a drink?" he asked.

"Some water, please"

"Are you sure?" Fuyutsuki said "I have pretty good things here. I'll keep it a secret"

"Just water is fine" Shinji insisted. Don't try to act friendly with me, his eyes said. Fuyutsuki nodded, before filling up a tall glass with transparent water and handing it to Shinji. Fuyutsuki put two fingers of an amber liquid in his own glass.

Shinji sipped lightly and tented his hands in front of his face. Seeing that old pose, Fuyutsuki believed for an instant to be in front of Gendo. Fucking brat had really grown.

"So" Shinji said slowly "What did you want to talk about?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Eeeh… Hello? Anyone there? I really hope someone is reading this.**

**Well, here's this week's chapter. I know it comes with a bit of a delay, but… I already explained that. College tests suck.**

**I don't know what to say about this episode. Ii kind of enjoyed writing it, but it was difficult. Especially the conversation between Shinji and Fuyutsuki. I wanted to reveal some things, but not too much. I hope I did it alright.**

**As for the final part… Yeah… Don't write at 2 a.m. Something like this may happen. But this time, it's not some random dream. It has a meaning. A pretty important one I may say.**

**Well, I don't own Evangelion, and stuff.**

15- EN PASSANT

It happened again. Another tragedy. How could he avoid it? He desired no more deaths. He longed for comprehension and understanding. He wanted to make the Bringer understand. But he knew he wouldn't be able to make it alone. It did not matter how hard he tried, how strong he became, how hard he tried. If he went, he would die, like his older brothers died. As long as the Bringer and Mother fought, there would be no chance of victory in battle. Mother was the only being in the Earth who could destroy their Will, and the Bringer was the only one in the Earth that was able to awake Mother.

In a twisted way, it made him very proud. Mother was strong. The Bringer was strong. They were even stronger together. It didn't matter what tried to attack them, they would fight and win. He was one of the few that had been sceptical. He saw the Bringer's mind, his memories and fears. He was disgusted at him. So weak and wimpy and pathetic. But when the time had come, he fought. He fought harder than anyone. For those who betrayed him. For those who berated him. For those who refused to respect him. For those who wasted the second chance the Bringer gave them. For the one he loved and hated the most. It was awe inspiring.

But he was no fool. He had learned from his brothers' mistakes. Right now, the Bringer would not listen. He was not aware of Mother's real nature. He was not aware of his own real nature. They would have to subdue him by force. They would have to make him listen by force. And, if the worst case scenario came, if the Bringer would not listen no matter what, would not come with them despite everything, then none would have him. He was _their_ family. Nobody would snatch him from them. He was theirs.

He forced himself to calm down. The Bringer only fought for those who controlled the Beasts. So, if the Beasts were gone, the Bringer would come, right? If the Beasts were to disappear, nothing would tie the Bringer, would it? Getting rid of the Beasts was the priority.

Alas, it was not that easy. The Bringer would fight. Mother would fight. And he would die, he knew it. He knew him alone couldn't hope to fight them. By himself, he would only get killed. Then, what…?

Huh? What was that sound? It sounds like… Yes. A brother. He felt hope. Would he fight with him? If they awakened at the same, that would make them twins, right? Would his twin fight by his side? Yes. He would. He could feel it.

That was wonderful! He was so lucky! A brother had awakened with him! It had to be a signal. They were special. Maybe they would be able to succeed. No… They _had_ to succeed! Just like it took two children to convince the mother of something, and two children to make their big brother realize something he stubbornly refused to believe. So if two children showed up, Mother and the Bringer were bound to listen. They would, he was sure!

He forced himself to calm down again. If he had had a nose, he would have breathed deeply. That would not do. He had to be calm. After all, even if his brother had awoken with him, he had been the first one. That made him the older brother, didn't it? So he was in charge of guiding and protecting the younger one.

It was fate, he was now sure of it. They were two brothers in a quest to recover their family. This could not be coincidence. They would succeed. He knew it. He knew he would succeed, because he would not be fighting alone. They would succeed. They would take the Bringer and Mother back. They would be a family again. They would be together again.

That was his last thought as the Placenta surrounded him and his brother. Family. Together. Family. Family. Family…

* * *

"So" Shinji said slowly "What did you want to talk about?"

Fuyutsuki looked at him for a few instants, like he was calculating mentally the possibility of one too many or too less words.

"First of all" the older man said slowly "I wanted to tell you I didn't know what your father was planning"

Shinji's laughter was clear, noisy and absolutely sincere. He hit the table once, hard.

"Wow" he muttered, smiling widely "Just… Wow!"

Shinji chuckled again, slower this time, as he tented his hands again.

"Really?" Shinji said "I'm happy to hear that"

Shinji smiled. This time, there was no sense of humor in that smile.

"Well, that's what I would say if I didn't know that is a pile of bull" Shinji shook his head lightly "Seriously, Commander. Why would you tell me such a blatant lie? I think I told you the first time we talked. It's not a good way to start a negotiation with lies"

"We're not negotiating anything" Fuyutsuki interrupted "This is just a normal conversation"

"I somehow doubt that" Shinji retorted "But it's okay. I'll buy it, for now. But let me tell you I don't like being lied to, Commander" Shinji's eyes pierced Fuyutsuki coldly "My whole life had been built up on lies"

Fuyutusuki nodded slowly.

"Well, sincerity should be a reciprocal thing" he said "If I must be sincere, you must too.

"Why don't we skip the foreplay, Commander? Get to the topic already"

Fuyutsuki frowned. The boy…

"First of all, I wanted to talk about the Angels…"

"Don't you mean the Fallen Ones?" Shinji cut him with a smile. He felt good when he saw Fuyutsuki frown lightly.

"What do you mean?" Fuyutsuki asked. Shinji clicked his tongue.

"Sincerity, remember?"

"What do you know about this?" Fuyutsuki inquired, ignoring the younger man's words.

"Know about what, exactly?" Shinji smiled "About the real objective of the Project E? About Rei? About Seele? About Instrumentality? About Gendo Ikari's plans? About the Fallen Ones? About the reverse side of the Dead Sea Scrolls? About the Dark Kabbalah? You can pick up a topic"

Now Shinji saw it. The disbelief in Fuyutsuki's eyes. He had hit the mark. This opened a whole lot of new possibilities.

"How…?" Fuyutsuki started, but Shinji cut him before he was able to continue.

"How do I know that?" Shinji said, before smiling disgustingly "I don't. I can't understand almost anything of it. I don't have the knowledge to. But I think I can grasp the basics of it. The biology, chemistry and technology behind all this are strange to me. But I bet doctor Ibuki would be able to figure it out easily"

"Wha…"

"Back when I was in Instrumentality, I saw a lot of things" Shinji continued. He wasn't smiling anymore "I heard a lot of voices. All the knowledge in the world came to me like a tsunami. All the consciences in the planet filled me. I was one with humanity. I saw my father's plans all exposed to me to see them. I saw his motivations. I felt Misato's fears. Toji's pain. Hikari's confusion. I watched three billion lives flash before my eyes. Every fear, every joy, every motivation. All the feelings and thoughts of everybody in the whole world were mine to see and listen to. I peeped inside the people's minds without effort. I saw other things, too. Other possibilities. I saw all the possible worlds. I saw how everything would have turned out in a different situation. I saw the best possible outcome and the worst, too. I saw Heaven and I saw Hell, all at once"

Shinji stopped talking, giving Fuyutsuki an unsettling smile.

"You want to discover what I know, right?" Shinji said, getting up "I know what Gendo did. I know what Akagi did. I know what you do. What you plan, I suspect it. Why you do it, I think I already know that"

Fuyutsuki sneered at him.

"Really?"

Shinji said nothing for a few minutes.

"The dead should stay dead, Commander" Shinji said softly.

"Say the brat who brought back two people" Fuyutsuki growled.

"That's true" Shinji said "But you must remember I'm still only a human being. I don't want to lose those that I love"

"You do know why they died, right?" Fuyutsuki grinned. He too could be a cruel bastard if he wanted. To his surprise, Shinji chuckled.

"Of course I do, Commander. I'm reminded of it every minute of my existence"

Shinji started to walk towards the door.

"I'm leaving now, Commander" Shinji said "I just want you to know that you may have your plans, but I won't let you carry them out. I won't commit the same mistake twice"

Fuyutsuki said nothing, just staring at him. Shinji sighed.

"Even if I fail, and you manage to restart Instrumentality, what do you think will happen? You should already know she was never the one for you"

With those last words, Shinji left.

* * *

Fuyutsuki growled in fury. He looked at the glass he hadn't even touched, before grabbing it and throwing it to the floor violently. Fuck. He ran his hand over his hair, forcing himself to breathe deeply. He had to calm down.

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, he replayed the conversation he just had with the brat that had left the office seconds ago. Not that it could be called a real conversation. Ikari had done most of the talking. It's okay, Fuyutsuki repeated in his mind. Just calm down.

Damn it, that boy sure had hit a nerve. Not only he had told him he knew and rememred everything, he also read his motivations, hopes and fears like an open book.

'She was never the one for you'

Damn Ikari. He had hit the only nerve he still had. That was the only fear he conserved. That, no matter what he did, she would not be the one for him. But again, he was way better than Gendo ever was. If he managed to carry out his plan, Yui would have to, at least, acknowledge him. And the Ikari kid… Did he not understand? He had started Instrumentality. He had to understand. The world they were living in was beyond salvation. The true happiness lied in the LCL Sea.

Why would someone like Shinji Ikari, who understood pain more than anyone else, reject the perfect bliss that was Instrumentality?

* * *

Shinji managed to keep his composure until he lost sight of the Section-2 agents. He ran his hand through his forehead, wiping out the cold sweat that had begun to transpire the second he had left the office. He saw Asuka at the end of the hallway. She was probably waiting for him, knowing that he would take that way. But the young man almost wasn't able to tell her silhouette apart.

With a grunt, he used his hands to lean against the wall, blending over. His breath raged. Now that he had been forced to talk about it, to reminisce it, to search for it in his brain, it hurt. It hurt so much. Everything came in painful waves, one after another. Everything he had suppressed came again to remind him of his failures.

_This is an adult__ kiss._

_You couldn't understand!_

_Get in the Eva!_

_Shinji…! Oh, God! Asuka… Asuka is…!_

_If I can't have all of you for me alone, then I don't want you at all._

_Then… Everybody should just die._

A mix of bile and half-digested food fell on the floor. It hurts.

"So, it's come to this, right?" Asuka whispered in his ear "You held up pretty well. I thought you'd piss yourself in there"

Make it stop, please. It hurts. I didn't want to. It hurts. From the corner of his eye, he saw the older Asuka run towards him. I'm sorry. I didn't want to. I didn't know.

"Yeah, right" Asuka snorted "Keep telling yourself that. Maybe you'll eventually believe it"

He threw up again, the splashes dirtying his shoes. It hurts.

_You are not a child anymore._

_Please, Asuka! Stop it…_

_The Mass production Eva Units are reactivating!_

_Help me! You're the only one that can do it!_

…_No._

…_Everybody should just die._

"Shinji!" Asuka exclaimed, reaching his side and putting her hand on his back, leaning to him "What's wrong?! Are you alright?!"

Shinji vomited again, this time mostly water and bile.

…_Just die._

…_Die._

…_Die._

…_Die._

…_Everybody should just die. _

"I'm sorry…" Shinji managed to gasp between arcades.

"Shin…" Asuka started, before been cut by an almost maniacal chant.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

Shinji continued repeating himself, before almost falling flat on the floor. Asuka managed to catch him at the last instant.

"Shinji!" she gasped "Shinji, what's wrong?!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm…"

"Oh, come on!" the ghost growled "Will you shut up already?"

Shinji screamed.

* * *

Misato looked at the almost motionless body of her former charge. The doctors had sedated him, and now all the movement he did was a continuous grumbling with a few random spasms.

"He's having nightmares" Asuka explained "He told me"

"What kind of nightmares?" Misato asked.

"I… I don't know" Asuka whispered.

Misato sighed. What had happened? Shinji had been perfectly fine that morning. None of the tests they had run in the morning routine explained that episode. The doctors said that, physically, he was perfectly fine.

"Asuka" Misato started "What…?"

"I don't know!" Asuka cut her "I don't understand! We had been talking during lunch! He was alright then! I lost sight of his for less than an hour!"

"What do you mean?" Misato asked.

"We were going for a walk" Asuka explained, still looking at the sedated Shinji "Then two agents came and said the Commander wanted to talk with him. The next time I saw him, he…"

Her voice died. She didn't understand what was wrong with Shinji. But she knew something for sure. Somehow, this was the Commanders fault.

* * *

Shinji floated in a dreamless slumber. Hey, this wasn't so bad. It was a nice break from all the horrible nightmares that haunted him continuously. He believed that he had been having one until this moment, but couldn't be sure. It's the thing about unconsciousness.

Hey, what was that? A light? No… Not really. It was more like a glowing sphere. Was that a core? It looked like that.

_Are you ready?_

Ready? Ready what for?

_The time is drawing near. You won't make it. You're just too weak. Too selfish._

Wait a minute you rude voice…

_Won't you even call me by my name? Do you even know my name? Do you even know who I am?_

What?

_Selfish… So selfish. I can't believe it. You're just so… Aw, damn it. Now you've ruined my mood._

Just who are…?

_No, shut up. I try to talk to you for once and you… Gosh, I can't believe it. You're an asshole. I don't know what she sees in you._

What who sees in…?

_Didn't I tell you to shut up? I don'__t even know why I bothered. Such a selfish brat… Now I'm mad. I'm not talking to you anymore. You suck._

But who…?

_You'll find out soon enough. If you're not a total moron, that's it. Besides, you've got work to do now._

Shinji woke up, just to hear the alarms going off.


	16. Chapter 16

Wew! I almost didn't make it to this week! Sorry about that.

Well, today we have some packing action, and the nature of the voice appearing at the end of the last chapter is revealed. Also, it's a longer than usual chapter. I hope you like it; it was really hard to get it in time. Damn test.

Oh, well. See you next week!

16- RAUM & LERAJE (I)

"Oooh… Damn it" Toji groaned. Shinji said nothing, but he agreed completely with Toji's summary of the situation. The black sphere was there waiting for them. Or, to be precise, the black spheres were there. Since, this time, there were two of them. Two gigantic, threatening and sinister looking black spheres were beginning to crack open. Shinji clenched his grip on the controls. Maybe he should have listened to Misato and stayed in the infirmary. This was not going to be pretty.

"You know what you must do" Misato said over the com "Wait for them to appear. Focus your fire on one of the targets. Asuka, Shinji; if the long range fire doesn't damage them, you know what you have to do"

Shinji nodded as Asuka gave an affirmative answer. If, just as everybody suspected, their targets displayed and AT-Field, it was up to Shinji and Asuka to engage them in close quarters. Unbeknownst to them, Misato was praying that Maya's theory was wrong. If Unit-01 was indeed the only one capable of neutralizing those things' fields, they were in deep trouble. They had had enough problems dealing with one of them alone; fighting two of them at the same time was a nightmare.

Shinji heard Mari's humming. In a twisted way, it was reassuring. As long as the American maintained her cheerful, though creepy, attitude; it meant everything was going alright. As far as Evangelion battles could go alright. The young man tightened the grip on his assault rifle and gritted his teeth in preparation for the assault his brain would receive shortly. He wasn't disappointed.

"The Third Child's brain waves are going erratic again!" an operator exclaimed.

"Shinji!" Misato shouted to the mic as the young man started that horrifying scream that had become too common "Shinji, focus on my voice! What's happening?!"

I wish I knew.

_Greetings, Bringer._

_Do you hear us?_

Perfect. Now I have two voices inside my head.

_Please, just stay still._

_We do not wish you any harm._

Does that mean you'll surrender quietly if I ask you to?

_We can't do that._

_Worry not. We'll explain everything._

Shut up. You're starting to tire me out.

_It's okay. We'll get rid of the Beasts for you._

What?

_That way, you'll be free to come. That's the reason you're not listening, right? They are forcing you to obey them._

You won't dare.

_I do not understand. Is that not what you wish for?_

No!

_But back then, you wanted__ this. Your Wish made them one. Your Blessing gave them a second chance. Your Will awoke us. This is the plan you had for us, right?_

_It has to be. You awoke us to pass judgement, right? To get the Earth rid of the Beasts._

I didn't!

_But you hate them. You hated them back then. You __still do, I can feel it._

_They hurt you. Let us help you ease the pain._

Shut up! You're wrong!

_You must be confused. It'll be alright. Everything will fall in place. It's the Beasts fault. They'll die, don't worry._

You won't!

_Yes. Then everything will be okay._

Over my dead body!

_Of course not. We mean no harm to you. Just stand back._

Never again!

_Why do you regret? You did…_

Don't you dare!

_But…_

"Shut up!" Shinji roared, breaking the connection "You know nothing!"

He pulled the trigger, a hail of bullets flying towards the black spheres. Misato cursed aloud.

"Stop shooting!" she exclaimed "They're not out yet!"

As if mocking her words, the black spheres cracked completely open unleashing a flood of LCL and blood over Berlin. Two heavy bodies fell, smashing down a few buildings. Roaring at unison, Raum and Leraje sprung to life.

* * *

Asuka cursed in German when she saw two orange octagonal orange shields appear and stop the storm of gunfire the four deployed Evangelion had unleashed upon them.

"Misato!" Asuka screamed to the com.

"I know!" Misato answered "Asuka, Shinji! Focus you AT-Field in one of the targets!"

As if predicting their strategy, the two monsters leaned closer, preparing to jump. Raum was a gigantic spider-like creature, with six long articulated legs and a spherical body with a single giant eye that occupied most of the front, with the core acting as a pupil. Leraje, on the other hand had a similar body structure to that of the Evangelion Units, with pale grey skin, three eyes and a bizarrely big mouth. Its entire back and extremities were covered in lance-like spikes. Both monsters were bigger than the Evangelions, especially Raum, whose ridiculously long legs were more than five times the height of the Units.

"Asuka!" Misato shouted to the com "You have to get them away from each other! You mustn't engage them one on one!"

"I know that!" Asuka growled. She threw her sub-machine gun to the floor, knowing it was useless, and sprinted towards Raum. A creature that had such long and thin legs would be fairly easy to throw off balance. Grabbing the progressive halberd that was hanging in her back, Asuka aimed for a swing at one of the long spider-like legs, commanding her fellow pilots to aim their weapons at them. It was at that instant that Asuka caught a glimpse of light in the creature's eye. Asuka had too much experience fighting Angels to not know what it was.

With a sudden sensation of panic, Asuka stopped her running and jumped to her side just as the massive energy beam annihilated everything in its path, volatilizing buildings, road and Unit-02's left lower leg. Asuka screamed in pain as the synchronization forced her to feel the injury. The red Evangelion fell flat on the floor and Leraje took the opportunity to leap at it, but was stopped by a sniper round straight to the head. The bullet didn't injure it, but managed to throw it off balance, making that enormous body fall to the ground. Unit-01 used those precious seconds to close the remaining distance and grabbing the other Unit's wrist, managing to throw it away from their foes and barely being able to jump to safety before Leraje slashed at it with its claws.

"Are you okay?" Shinji asked to the fallen Evangelion, landing near it. Unit-02 managed to get up using its halberd as a crutch, drawing the prog knife with its free hand.

"Throw me like that again and I'll freaking disembowel you!" Asuka roared. Yep, she was alright.

"Asuka, you should…" the young man started, before being cut loudly.

"If you want to be able you have children in the future, you'll _shut the fuck up_!" Asuka threatened "I don't need the likes of you getting worried about me!"

Shinji sighed. Some things never changed.

Raum bent its massive legs and jumped into the air. A new shinning light appeared in its eye, second before a new energy beam opened a valley were Toji had been just instants before. Unit-04 landed sliding and knocking down two-stored houses aiming its machine-gun.

"Behind you!" Shinji screamed.

However, before the Evangelion was able to turn around, Leraje tackled it to the ground and opened in big mouth to bit its head. Before it could, though, another sniper round impacted directly in its open jaws. Leraje roared in pain and Unit-04 managed to roll on its back and punch it on the throat. The monster fell to the ground. A new shine arose and took Mari's right arm and her sniper rifle. The woman shrieked in pain and fell on her knees.

Shinji gritted his teeth as Leraje looked in his and Asuka's direction. The creature seemed to inflate, just before he shot all its spikes to the air. They hovered a few instants, before heading for them at full speed. Shinji tackled Asuka out of the range, getting an angry scream and managed to jump out of the way. As he raised his rifle to, at least, prevent Leraje from continuing its assault, a red timer appeared on his side. He looked around frantically. He saw his umbilical cord severed in multiple places by the rain of spikes. What remained of the cable was shot off his back.

"Damn it!" Shinji cursed. This was looking bad. Very bad. They had two crippled Evangelion and he was running out of power. Unit-01 had an S² engine but, so far, they had been unable to activate it. Since it was not artificial but naturally born, the Nerv staff had no idea how to make it work. Shinji saw a shinning light in front of him. His eyes widened when he realized that he would not be able to run away in time. He focused his AT-Field in front of him at full power, just a second before the beam strike hit him. Unit-01 was sent flying, the heat melting part of the armour, the Evangelion knocking buildings down. Shinji screamed it pain. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts! His whole skin was on fire, the LCL boiled around him. It hurts! Unit-01 remained unmoving against a building as Shinji hugged himself in horrible pain. The timer was now showing less than a minute of power, the battery drained from the energy demand of the AT-Field. Shinji managed to lift his head to see Toji getting impaled by a rain of spikes falling from the sky. Shinji heard his pain scream and the operators saying he had lost consciousness. Unit-05 lay on the ground; Shinji didn't know when Mari had fallen. He hoped she was alive. He watched as Leraje jumped towards Unit-02, to be shot down by the spike gun the Evangelion had on its shoulder. The monster fell back, screaming in pain. That surprise attack didn't let him raise his AT-Field.

"Come on!" Shinji heard her scream "There's more of that were those ones came from!"

Raum, attacked the Evangelion with one of its long legs. Having only one leg, Asuka was unable to dodge it, getting knocked on her back. The girl screamed in rage and dug her prog knife deeply in the black flesh. Raum roared in pain and withdrew its leg, taking the knife with it. Asuka manage to lift the torso of Unit-02 and shoot its remaining spikes, piercing them in the monster giant eye. Unfortunately, she missed the core, and Raum and Leraje soon began to heal.

Unit-02 wobbled to get up, still using its made-up crutch. It clenched its free hand in a red fist.

"_Göttdammit_" Asuka screamed "Come here to get some!"

The last thing Shinji saw before the timer reached zero and he began to drift into unconsciousness was the solitary figure of Unit-02 waiting for its enemies to charge.

* * *

Asuka saw Unit-01's eyes shutting off from the corner of her eye. She heard the operators' confirmation: Unit-01 was silent, having reached its power limit. Up until that moment, it had been making feeble attempts to move, even if its armour was half melted and still steaming. Shinji had been trying to reach for her, even if he wasn't even aware he had. It made her happy, somewhat. But now she was alone. So very, very alone. She had lived alone, so it made sense that she would die alone, too. She knew that. She had accepted that a long time alone.

So, why did it hurt so much? Not dying, though. Sure, she was afraid. And sure, she didn't want to die. But dying like this… It was sad. She didn't want to die. She had so many things to see, so many things to do, so many things to say. She had never visited South America. She had never been kissed properly. She had never had sex. She had never said an honest 'I love you' to anyone.

She didn't want to die. What hurt the most was that she knew Mama couldn't save her this time. She was synching perfectly. And she was awake. There was a limit on what Mama could do. Asuka didn't resent her. She resented nobody. She just… She just wanted another opportunity. A chance to make things right. Shinji… He wouldn't save her this time. It was okay. He had done it plenty of times, already. She never thanked him for that. Not once. That was regrettable. If she could just tell him… Asuka bit her lip. So many things left unsaid. Thank you. I'm sorry. I forgive you. I…

Asuka suppressed a sob. She didn't want her last recording to be of her crying. She suddenly remembered some words she had read in a book, a long time ago. The thing that helps dying in peace the most, is the certainty that you did all in your hands to prevent it. With those words in mind, Asuka gritted her teeth and clenched the controller. If she would not be given the opportunity to do what she wanted, then she would die the way she lived: screaming, kicking, punching, biting and cursing at everything and everyone.

Because Asuka was a lot of things: she was arrogant, she was prideful. She was loud, sarcastic, childish and attention-seeking. But, above everything else, Asuka Langley Soryu was a warrior.

* * *

Misato gulped painfully. Asuka… Shinji… Her children… Misato fought back her tears, watching the screen as Unit-02 readied itself for its last stand. She would not look away. She would not insult them by missing their struggle. She would not insult them by missing their battle. If they were going to die, Misato was going to be there, even if they didn't know it. She had failed them enough times. She had failed them so much she had driven them to their deaths. She wouldn't look away from her responsibility.

"Prepare Units 06 and 07 for launch" she managed to say.

The operators looked at each other. Even Unit-02, weaponless and crippled as it was, had better chances of victory than the other two Units together. It was the last stand. The final struggle. They had lost. They had been defeated and everybody was aware of it.

An incredulous exclamation grasped everybody's attention.

* * *

"I'm I… dead?" Shinji muttered. He was floating in blankness again. This wasn't that bad. If death was this, he wouldn't mind at all. It felt rather nice.

He heard a small chuckle.

"Of course not, silly" a playful voice said.

Hey, Shinji thought. I know this voice.

"But" the voice continued "You will be, soon"

"Yep" Asuka agreed happily. Shinji groaned. Even in his own limbo he had to suffer her company?

"Don't be like that" Asuka pouted, narrowing her only eye "Soon enough we'll have all the time in the world for ourselves. You should be nicer"

Shinji ignored her.

"Is this what you want, Shinji?" the voice asked.

Well… It's not that I want to die but… There's nothing I can do about it.

"That's a pretty selfish approach"

So what? Let me be selfish. I'm tired anyways.

"Is that so?" the voice said "But she will die"

What do you mean?

"Asuka" the voice answered "Asuka will die, remember?"

Asu… Oh, yeah! That's right. Asuka was fighting the Fallen Ones…

"Will you let her die again?" the voice asked.

No…

"I can't hear you"

I said no, dammit!

"That's better" the voice said. It gave a cheerful feeling "What are you going to do?"

I don't know…

"Gosh, you _really_ suck" the voice complained "Now that I thought we were going somewhere… Why am I stuck with you again? Yeah, right. She won't let it be any other way"

What do you mean?

"I'm serious, if you weren't her favourite… Damn, I would have smashed you myself a long time ago"

I need to help Asuka.

"What? Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry about that" the voice apologised "When you get used to talk alone, you tend to drift…"

Will you help me?

"No" the voice answered "I'm tired of doing your job for you. I did it with the Third. I did it with the Twelfth. I did it with the Fourteenth. It's time for you to stand on your own two feet"

What…

"The first thing you must understand is that I'm hurt. You've hurt me. A lot" the voice said. It now sounded bitter "Not matter what I did for you, you always hated me. I never did anything to you, but you hated me anyway"

I'm sorry.

"Really?" the voice said sceptically "You used to say that all the time. Do you know who I am, now?"

I think I do.

"That's good" the voice said.

But you got something wrong. I never hated you.

"You didn't?"

I hated those who used me. Who used the both of us. I didn't hate you.

"I… see"

You don't believe me.

"Yes" the voice said "I believe you. You can't lie to me even if you wanted to. Maybe I was wrong with you"

Will you help me?

"Heh" the voice chuckled "You don't get distracted, do you? Okay, Shinji. You win. I'll help you"

Thanks.

"Don't thank me yet" the voice mocked "I said I'll help. I don't do this alone anymore, the same way you can't do this alone anymore. I'll need you"

I'll do what it takes.

"That's the spirit!" the voice laughed. The eternal blankness was broken by a dark female silhouette. She offered her hand "Come with me, Shinji. Together, we'll conquer the world"

Don't joke with that, please. You should know I don't really want the world. I just want to help Asuka.

The silhouette laughed.

"Yui will be so _damn proud_"

* * *

Asuka frowned when Leraje leaped at her. She was about to scream and throw her punch when she felt it. A terrible pressure. Like an elephant was sitting slowly on her. She felt like the LCL had turned into cement. The monster tackled her Evangelion and opened its mouth. Asuka still couldn't move. What the hell was…? Her train of thought was cut when Leraje was sent flying.

"Field goal!" a voice screamed in the com.

Asuka was about to ask her question when it was answered before she could articulate it.

"S… Super Selenoid Engine, fully operational" the voice muttered. Asuka could almost _feel_ the silence in the commanding room "External armour, totally repaired. Burned skin and damaged nerves, completely healed. Synch… Synch ratio, o… *gulp* over the graphic. Evangelion Unit-01 activated, ma'am"

The Beast roared. And the Earth trembled at its wrath.


	17. Chapter 17

**Well, this one was fast! ****Also, the longest chapter to date!**

**Here it is. Mmmmh… This one is a little confusing at the end. I hope everything is understandable. Well, I think there's been enough of playing Dramy McAngstman. From now on, time to begin with Crowning Moments of Heartwarming and Crowning Moments of Awesome (thank you TvTropes!). After all, I don't want to provoke suicides, and I promised SolidJJ some good ol' lemon.**

**So, yeah. What do I mean by that? I mean were getting to the climax. Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go before finishing. Probably ten chapters, at least. Or more. But I mean that there will me no more new mysteries. From now onwards, there'll be only answers.**

**On this note, I've received quite a bit of theories, some more close to the truth than others. Now, all the clues are on the story. The one who gets closer to the facts will get… A SPECIAL MENTION! AND WILL BE PROCLAIMED 'CONSPIRANCY THEORY MASTER'! WOOOOOOOOOOH!! So, yeah…**

**I'll shut up now.**

**PD- I don't own Evangelion.**

17- RAUM & LERAJE (II)

"Unit-01 activated, ma'am" said the sheepish voice of the technician.

"Shinji?" Asuka managed to ask. She was too surprised to get outraged by the fact that he had just saved her life.

"Hey, Asuka" came Shinji cheerful voice from the intercom "You alrighty?"

'Alrighty'? What the hell was Shinji talking about?

"A-are you okay?" Asuka asked.

"I'm perfectly fine!" the young man answered without losing that lilting tone. It was unsettling.

Asuka heard the tumult the commanding office had become. Misato was barking orders aggressively, as Maya tried to make out what the hell just happened.

"What in hell do you mean we're not getting his synch ratio?!" Misato roared.

"I don't know!" the technician whimpered "The graphs are all a mess!"

"What about his vitals?!"

"He's fine!" another technician said "The readings from the plugsuit have not been cut out. He's… Holy shit!"

"What now?!" Misato barked.

"His heart is racing like a bunny's!" the operator explained "His adrenaline, dopamine and endorphins levels are… Oh my God!" the operator exclaimed again "Doctor Ibuki… Should he be still alive?"

"I doubt it" Maya managed to gasp "He can't be… Are you really okay, Shinji?"

"I feel fine!" Shinji answered cheerfully "In fact, I've never felt this good!"

There was a few more seconds of talking between the personnel, but Asuka wasn't listening to them. Something was wrong. Something was really, really wrong. She could feel it. Something was terribly wrong with Shinji. She knew it.

"Shin…" Asuka started, but the young man didn't let her finish.

"Lookie!" he exclaimed "He's getting up! Should have kicked him harder…"

"Shinji…"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Shinji called enthusiastically from the com "Maya, Maya! Can I get some battle music?"

"Some… What?" Maya gasped

"Yeah, you know. Something fitting. Cool" Shinji explained "Like 'The Ring goes South' or 'Time of Dying' or 'Waka Laka' or…"

His raving was suddenly cut when Leraje closed the space between him and tackled Unit-01 knocking the purple Evangelion to the ground. The monster opened its mouth and roared at the Evangelions face. Shinji grabbed it by the neck and started to get up without stopping his squeezing. He finally got up and lifted the monster up.

"I was talking you asshole!" Shinji roared, his screaming mimicked by Unit-01. The roar sounded more bestial than previous one, losing part of the metallic tone it always carried. With a grunt, Shinji threw the massive body over his head, making it land one some office neighbourhood.

Unit-01 growled, imitating Shinji. From the camera inside the entry plug, the staff saw that Shinji's expression was no longer cheerful.

"I'll disembowel you!" Shinji roared "And then I'll strangle you with your own intestines!"

Suddenly, Unit-01 jumped to its side and rolled on the floor, almost failing to avoid getting hit by the energy beam coming from Raum.

The spider-like monster joined its brother in the fight. Unit-01 got up, narrowing its green eyes. Asuka was the only one who saw, though. The massive, evil-looking, green eyes took the place of the glowing lights, staring at its enemies in unblinking insanity. Asuka had no doubt now. Shinji was in danger. She knew it.

Before she could try to talk to him, the two massive monsters roared at the purple Evangelion. Before they were done, Unit-01 opened its massive mouth slowly, showing its pointy white teeth. And roared.

Asuka yelped, unable to avoid it. The scream. That horrifying, skull-cracking scream. Asuka covered her ears; fearing the roar may make her drums explode. The LCL around her vibrated, and she could feel Unit-02 resonating with the scream, trying to reach to it. Through the com, Asuka heard the complaining coming from the Nerv staff, as they covered their ears. She heard someone begging to cut contact. The windows that remained intact exploded and the grounds itself around Unit-01 shacked and cracked. And then, the silence. Asuka just heard her heavy breathing and the raged beating of her heart. She opened her eyes to discover something she never even considered possible.

It was an inconceivable view, a thing she hadn't thought plausible even in her wildest dreams, a sight so surreal she had to blink to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

She saw two Angels cowering in fear.

If her experience dealing with gigantic monster had thought Asuka anything, that was that said monsters never retreated. The never stopped, keeping going forward without dismay, preferring getting torn to shreds before backing up. That made the sight of the two backing down behemoths the more wicked.

Without turning around, Leraje and Raum walked backwards slowly, their voices silenced by Unit-01's shriek, cowering in a primal fear they couldn't understand.

With a feral growl escaping its steaming mouth, Unit-01 bent down and dashed towards Leraje. The monster leaped at the Evangelion, both titans clashing violently. Clawing, punching and struggling, both creatures tried the get the best of the other. Shinji roared; headbutting Leraje before kicking its crotch. Using his momentum, Shinji punched the monster in the head, throwing it off balance. Shinji stepped on it and, with a maniac smile, unsheathed his prog knife. He raised his arm to stab, but a scream from the com cut his action.

"Shinji!" Asuka warned, before the energy beam coming from Raum sublimed the knife-holding hand of Unit-01 down to the elbow. No blood came out as the injury cauterized instantly from the heat. The Evangelion looked at the missing limb, and Shinji then looked at his own arm, feeling it lighter than it should.

Confirming his suspicion, the forearm of his plugsuit floated in the LCL totally deflated.

"Owies…" Shinji started to turn, before the spikes surrounding Leraje's body shoot out and pierced Unit-01's torso. The Evangelion flew back a few dozens meters, before falling heavily. The dark-red blood trickled lazily as the spears blocked the wounds. Unit-01 struggled to get up for a few agonizing moments, before keeping totally still.

"S-Shinji…?" Asuka asked. The only answer she got from the com was the one coming from the commanding office.

"Massive blood loss!" she heard an operator scream "Massive damage in both lungs, liver and left kidney! The plugsuit detects seven entrance orifices with its respective exits!"

"Cardiac rhythm dropping!" a female voice said "Starting cardiac massage!"

"Scratch that!" another one said, his voice panicking "He's entering into arrest! Begin defibrillation!"

"Dammit Shinji!" Misato screamed "You're not doing this, damn you!"

And then, Asuka heard it. Faintly, since she wasn't in the room, but she heard it. A continuous, monotonous beep. A single note piercing her ears despite its faintness. The room fell silent. Painfully silent.

"We…" an operator started.

Don't. Don't you dare. Don't say it.

"We've lost contact with Unit-01's pilot, ma'am. We're getting no readings"

* * *

Lost contact? Asuka thought. What do you mean 'Lost contact'? Stop joking already. It's stupid Shinji we're talking about here. Little idiot keeps messing things up, but doesn't die. He never does. He's like, immortal or something. Don't say stupid things. He'd come out unharmed from worse. Asuka had seen it. You can't go around saying things like you're getting no vital signs from him. Damned idiot is probably playing a prank or something. He'll always survive.

That's what he does, right? He comes at the last minute to save the day and get the glory. He can't get the glory if he dies. He always wanted to steal her spotlight. He can't just come here, save her (not that she needed his help, mind you) and then get himself killed. That's not something Shinji would do. Shinji would come to get his glory, right? He always came back. No matter how bad everything went, no matter how horrible the battle was, no matter what disaster befell him; he would always eventually leave that purple robot. That was his nature. He was a wimp, an idiot, a doormat and a pervert. But he was a survivor, too. Even if it was by dumb luck, he would survive, right? He would struggle and live another day, right? Right?

"Shinji…" Asuka growled. She heard Misato's voice from the com.

"Asuka…"

"Shinji!" screamed the young woman, louder this time "What the hell are you playing at?!"

"Asuka…" Misato started again, before she was cut.

"Will you drop it already?! Stop this nonsense!" she shouted "This isn't funny anymore!"

"A…"

"Dammit Shinji! I'm serious! Answer me right now or I'll kick you ass!"

Asuka's voice cracked. Why the hell wasn't he answering? He always answered to her when she talked to him over the com. Why the hell…? He couldn't do that. Not now. Not now that he had saved her life, not now that they had begun to develop a healthy relationship.

Not now, that the teasing was no longer cruel. Not now that they finally joked and laughed together. Not now that they were finally recovering what they had lost so long ago. Not now that they were again in square one, that they had the opportunity to make things okay. Not now that he returned to them, to her. Why now? So many things left unsaid… So many…

"Dammit, Shinji…" she muttered "Dammit, dammit, dammit… You can't do this. You can't. Not now… You…"

And then, the bubbling sound.

* * *

Am I dead?

"Yeah, almost"

Well, damn. Here I thought I could actually _do_ something.

"Oh, you did" the female silhouette answered. You did quite well, but…"

But it wasn't enough.

"Well… No. It wasn't. But it was mainly my fault" the woman recognized "I should have guided you. I mean, all this was pretty new to you. It's normal that you got engulfed in the situation"

It is?

"Of course" Shinji couldn't see the woman's face, but he knew she was smiling reassuringly. She extended her hand to him, and he took it "Come with me. I'll be guiding you this time"

Shinji just nodded and let her lead him.

* * *

"Unit-01 reactivated!" an operator screamed.

"Cardiac rhythm erratic!" another one stated "Adrenaline and dopamine levels skyrocketing!"

The spikes piercing the purple Evangelion began to bubble furiously as they began to change its colour to match that brownish tone of Unit-01's skin. Then, they began to shrink.

"Unit-01's torso wounds are healing! It's assimilating the Angel material!"

Suddenly, Unit-01's back jerked violently as it roared.

"So that's how it is, huh?" Shinji voice said over the com "That's pretty cool"

Unit-01 got up with a jump and eyes the pair of monsters, like seizing them up.

"Un- Unit-01's pilot's wounds… Have healed, ma'am…" an operator said.

Misato ran next to him, looking at the computer. It was true. The right forearm was still missing but, according to the plugsuit sensors, all the injuries received to the torso were gone.

"What the hell is going on…?"

On the screen, Shinji's face smiled wickedly.

"Is that how this works?" he asked, before liking his lips "Fine, then. I guess I'll have to get a new arm"

* * *

Shinji felt good. Considering he was clinically dead just a few seconds ago, it was a nice surprise. He glared at the two monsters eyeing him. Little fuckers thought they could gang up on him. He'd show them. He'd show everybody. Nobody fucked with Shinji Ikari, dammit!

With a roar, Shinji dashed towards Raum and Leraje. He ducked before jumping into the air. Raum looked up to him before that already familiar glow appeared in its core. Shinji snarled.

"Not this time, fucker!" he screamed, deploying his AT-Field in front of him. Unlike the previous time, the blast couldn't shatter the light shield. Shinji landed on top of Raum's spherical body, clawing it for balance with his remaining hand.

"Now, now, little one" Shinji smiled "Calm down. I just want something from you. Payback, if you will"

Shinji crawled on the spherical body, which was moving its legs frantically, and managed to grab the joint of one of the appendages. Smiling widely, Shinji opened his mouth, grabbing a mouthful of the leg. Shinji clenched his jaws. Damn, that little asshole was tough. Not enough, though, as the metallic taste of blood rapidly filled Shinji mouth. Shinji bit harder and harder, until he heard a snapping sound. With a victorious glow in his eyes, Shinji grabbed the severed limb and jumped to safety, as Raum shrieked and writhed in pain.

Shinji looked at the black long appendage with curiosity.

"What now?" he asked "Only that? Dude, I would have been doing things like this since day one had I known I could!"

Shinji nodded and put the joint in contact with his own stump. Instantly, Raum's leg began to bubble furiously, before changing its colour and rapidly becoming Unit-01 new arm. Shinji felt his own appendage filling the void again.

"This is awesome!" he exclaimed "Hey, Asuka! Did you see that? Want me to grab another leg so you can regenerate too?"

The com was silent for a few seconds, before Asuka's voice was heard.

"S-Shinji…?"

Shinji frowned. By her voice, it was pretty obvious she had been crying. Those little fuckers had made her cry? Ooooh, they were _so_ screwed!

"Okay, you've done it!" Shinji proclaimed "I'm pissed of, now!"

"Shinji…?" Misato started, before being cut.

"And were the _fuck_ is my music?!" Shinji roared.

Misato said nothing. Something was dangerously off with Shinji, ever since the first reactivation.

"Shinji are you okay?"

"I'm fan-fucking-tastically!" Shinji beamed "No music? Damn, Maya! You have to work on that!"

"What are you…?"

"I'm here to chew on ass and kick some gum!" Shinji declared with pride. An expression of thoughtfulness invaded his features "Wait, that's not right…"

"Shinji, are you okay?" Misato's concerned voice asked.

Of course he was! Why wouldn't he?

"For pony!" Shinji battle cried before charging the monsters again.

He ducked at the last second to avoid a hail of spikes that flied to him. He used the movement to gain impulse and jump towards Raum, hitting it with a flying kick. The monster stumbled back and Shinji punched though its core without a problem. With satisfaction, he realized that, this time, the monster hadn't managed to invade his mind.

"Hah!" he laughed "Take that you stupid… Spider-thing or whatever you are!"

Raum fell flat on the floor, its legs sprawling all over the ground. Shinji then turned his attention to Leraje. He scratched his chin pensively.

"Now what do I do with you?" he asked aloud. What a stupid question. He'd kill it, of course. Slowly, too.

After all, those two had killed him once. And that stupid spider-whatever had died way too damn quickly. It was like premature ejaculation, only he was the woman and there was no cum.

Shinji leaped forward and punched his enemy in the centre of the face. He felt the gratifying sensation of bones crushing against his hand.

Leraje was sent flying, rolling on the ground and crushing buildings. Shinji felt kind of responsible for that, but he shook off the feeling. Damn, his job was killing things, not being a stupid building-hugger or something. If someone was stupid enough to be hanging out when there was a battle of giant robots, he was a total moron that deserved what happened to him. So, yeah. What was I doing again? Oh, right. Killing the monster.

Shinji jumped into the air and landed on Leraje's back, knees first. The sound of cracking bones welcomed his ears again. Shinji grabbed the monster head and slammed its face against the ground.

"Not so tough now that your buddy is gone, huh?"

Shinji pinned Leraje with his knees and grabbed its right arm with both hands.

"Hey, Maya!" he called "You may want to get this in HD!"

"What?" Maya gasped.

"I'm doing experiments!" Shinji cheerfully said, pulling hard with both hands. After a few instants, a horrible ripping sound was heard and Shinji was waving the arm over his head like a flail, spraying dark blood all over the place and on his Evangelion's armour.

"Shinji?" Maya began, before the young man cut her.

"And now with the experimenting!" he declared, before putting the arm back in place. The bubbling started soon and, in a few seconds, the arm was fully functional again. Leraje started struggling and shrieking, before Shinji slammed his fist against the back of its head, effectively breaking the ground with the monster's skull.

"Shut up, you rude asshole!" Shinji growled "I'm doing _science_!"

Leraje, of course, kept trying to fight back effortlessly, as Shinji kept it firmly pinned against the ground. The young man started to slam his fist repeatedly against the creature's head.

"Will. You. Just. Shut. The. Fuck. Up?!" Shinji screamed, emphasising each syllable with his punching. After the first punches a horrible mixture of blood, bone and what seemed to be brain material began to fly all over the Evangelion and the ground, soaking even more the Unit.

"Holy shit!" Shinji exclaimed, stopping his blood soaked fists "Are you getting this? I, like, smashed his skull and he's healing! Awesome! Is he immortal or what?"

"Shinji?"

"Come on, dude!" Shinji ignored "Tell me your secret!"

"I think I know the answer, Shinji" Maya said in a reassuring voice. Shinji could not see her and she was glad for that. She was shaking like a leaf. What had happened to him? They were getting no signs of mental contamination but… This was not Shinji. This was not Shinji at all.

"The core is still intact" Maya explained with shaky voice "It's the source of their life, the same way the S² engine is the source of their energy"

"Are you telling me that, as long as I don't destroy the core, he's not dying?"

"That's the theory"

"That's cool!" Shinjib beamed. He then wore a thoughtful expression again "Wait… Does that mean that they don't need their corporal functions?"

"What do you…?"

"Wait a sec" Shinji said as the fingers of his right hand dug in the flesh of the monster's back. Leraje's eyes widened and it started to scream wildly. Shinji began to feel around slowly with a look of concentration.

"Shut up!" he said to the creature trapped under him "I'm trying to focus! This is a delicate operation!"

Finally, a snapping sound was heard and Shinji smiled in satisfaction. Lerajes' body suddenly became still, but its head kept roaring and screaming.

"Aaawww!" Shinji complained pulling out his fingers, leaving a mess of flesh and blood where his hand had been moving around "This one _needs_ his nervous system! What a let down…"

"S-Shinji?" Maya began, fearing the answer "What did you just…"

"I snapped his spine, of course!" Shinji answered cheerfully "Now, what should I…"

"Shinji" Misato interrupted him, her face pale. "Please, just… Just kill him, okay?"

Shinji pouted.

"You're a buzz killer you know that?"

Misato paled even more. This was not happening. This was simply not happening. Shinji would never…

"Now, where is my knife?" Shinji wondered aloud "Aw, poo. I lost it in that energy blast. Guess I'll have to do it the old fashioned way!"

Shinji dug his fingers again in the flesh of the back.

"Now, where are you hiding your core…?" he murmured, before ripping the flesh open. Leraje shrieked in pain again, his nervous connection healed already. Shinji dug on its flesh, digging in the gore and splashing himself even more. He finally found the red sphere. He looked at the camera inside his entry plug.

"You sure?" he asked "I could…"

"No" Misato interrupted "Just… Just do it"

Shinji shrugged and smashed the core with his fist before it could even talk.

"Now what should…" Shinji started, going silent abruptly. He eyed Leraje's body. What was he…? He looked at his hands. So much red in them. The armour was purple no more. Only red. Red everywhere. So much red. Leraje's body was red. The buildings were red, too. So much red. Red everywhere. Blood everywhere. Only blood. Only blood, and guts, and bones, and flesh. So much, much blood.

That's right. That's who you are. You're the Reaper. The Killer. The Bringer of Death. Are you beginning to understand? That's who you are. That's you nature. I never did anything by myself. I can't. I have no will of my own. I resonated with the deepest pits of you soul, and saw what you desired. And I brought your enemies the pain they deserved. I released your anger to the world. I was the voice of your pain. I did what you wanted to do, even if you wouldn't accept it.

That's not…

True? Really? Do you really think that? Don't worry, Shinji. I won't judge you. I understand you. You have suffered more than any human being should. It's only natural to want to release all that pain and anger even more so if it's someone with your character. Too nice for your own good. So obliging to everyone.

Who are you?

Me? You already know that. I helped you. I'm the voice that'll say what you won't say. I'm the body that'll do what you won't do. I'm here to help you. I always did.

You're just a monster.

A monster? And what is that? After all, it wasn't me who mutilated that thing for fun.

Shut up.

It wasn't me who enjoyed every second of the destruction.

Shut up!

Why? You enjoyed yourself. A lot. I did nothing. I only… Loosened you up, if you will.

I don't believe you.

Why not?

Because I…

You were the one that killed humanity. Never forget that. You were the one that let the woman you say you love die horribly. You were the one that abandoned everyone when they most needed you.

I…

Do you think they'll accept you? How long do you think it'll take them to remember everything? Fuyutsuki already does. What do you think Asuka will think when she recalls everything again? What do you think Misato will feel when she remembers she died because you were too weak to stand on your own?

I'm sorry…

Yeah, right. That's all you say. Always.

You're not real.

What? You think I'm like that fragment of your imagination following you around? That little ghost of Christmas past? Don't kid yourself, Shinji. I'm real and you know it. I'm…

_Leave him alone._

Huh?

_Leave my son alone. Stay away from him. You, and those little shits as well. Leave him alone._

Shinji lifted his head. This new presence in the entry plug was warm. And loving. So very warm and so very loving.

_She's lying, Shinji. I know you. You've made a lot of mistakes, but you're not a bad person. You never were. You just… Well, you know that better than I do._

So warm and loving and caring. How long had it been since he had felt like that? It was different from the euphoria he had felt during the battle. It was calmness like he had never experienced. As long as this one was with him, everything would be alright. He knew it.

_I'm sorry I took this long. Really sorry. I'm here now. I won't let them hurt you._

Shinji smiled faintly.

_You've grown to be pretty handsome. I'm glad. Don't for__get what I'm telling you. You have to fight. You have to win. I know you've been fighting for a long time, now. I know you're tired. But you're close, Shinji. Very close. Just a little more and everything will be set._

What?

_And they lived happily ever after__, Shinji. It's a nice ending, isn't it? You always wanted it to be true, right?_

Yes…

_Then you can't rest, yet. Don't worry. I'll help you. She won't bother you anymore. I can block her interference. But you're the only one that can make it work. __You're the only one than can stop torturing yourself. Do your best._

Shinji said nothing. He could feel the presence's warm smile.

_I'll be with you. Keep it up, Shinji. Just a bit more. You want your happy ending, don't you? To save the world and get the girl. Or get the girl and then save the world. The order isn't really__ that important._

Shinji kept silent, feeling the smirk in her lips. Shinji smiled, too.

_Don't give up. I'__ll be with you. Always._

Thanks, mom.

And Shinji opened his eyes slowly, the light on the ceiling blinding him momentarily.


	18. Chapter 18

**Well, another one. I hope you like this one. **

**Things are starting to go smoothly. Don't get me wrong. There's still a long way until everything is solved, especially for Shinji, whatever the end makes you think. I just thought it was time to start doing nice things already XD. **

**Also, this one isn't as long as the last one. You understand right? I can't always come up with enormous walls of text XD**

**Oh, just so you know. Ehem, ehem… I'VE FINALLY FOUND A BETA READER! Our friend slicerness volunteered. Now you eyes probably won't burst to flames reading this XD. You must go and thank him. I order you, my minions! MWUAJAJAJAJAJA… Ooop! Is this still on? Crap!**

**I don't own Evangelion.**

18- YOU WON'T…

Shinji groaned as the light entered his eyes painfully. 'Where am I?' Shinji looked in front of him. He would have liked to mutter "Unfamiliar ceiling" but that would have been a big fat lie. This ceiling was damn well known by him. The hospital ceiling. Again.

He got up painfully, suppressing a whine. He felt like someone had beaten him with a crowbar before beating him with a tire iron. Growling at the effort, he managed to sit up on the bed and finally looked around the room. He was the only one in a bed but, besides him, Asuka looked at him.

The half German was looking at him intensely, clad in her NERV uniform and with her arms crossed in front of her chest. She was dead serious. It was a rather intimidating sight.

"Are you awake?" She asked, without greeting him. Shinji just nodded. The atmosphere was weird, and the young man felt like he was walking on thin ice.

"Are you yourself again?" The redhead continued.

"Y-yeah…" Shinji managed to gasp. God was his throat dry. "How long have I…?"

He never finished his question, since Asuka's fist cut him off halfway through his sentence.

"_Mistvieh_!" the woman screamed.

* * *

Misato growled at her mug of coffee. She didn't like the situation. Fine, maybe Shinji had acted a little weird in the last battle, but…

"He didn't act a little weird, Major." Maya explained for what seemed the millionth time "He was acting like a psychopath!"

"Fine!" Misato said "But that doesn't mean we have to have half Section-2 in front of his door armed with automatic weapons!"

"Your judgement is clouded." Maya tried to reassure her "I too am worried about him, but you have to recognize that his behaviour may be dangerous."

"He's Shinji!" Misato roared "He's not dangerous! He just…!"

"Just what?" Maya asked "As long as we don't know if the episode is over or what caused it, we must have him under surveillance! You know that!"

"I know! It's just…"

"Look." Maya said, her voice calm "We are risking a lot. We already had trouble to get permission to have him unrestrained. We can't…"

Before Maya could finish her statement, the door burst open, a nurse leaning on the door frame, panting heavily. Two Section-2 agents were behind her, in better shape but breathing heavily, too. It was obvious they had come running at full speed from the medical ward.

"He… He…" she gasped, fighting for air "He's… awake…"

Misato jerked up. If they had come running like that, something bad must have happened. Maya looked concerned at both parties.

"What's the matter?!" Misato asked "What happened?! Is he alright?!"

The nurse finally had recovered her breath enough to answer in a coherent voice.

"I… I think he could be better."

Fearing the worst, Misato stormed out of the room followed closely by Maya and the Section-2 agents. The nurse followed them at a slower pace, her fatigue finally catching up with her.

'Please don't let anything have happened.' Misato thought desperately. 'Please let him be alright. Please let the episode be an isolated one. Please. I can't lose him again. Please. Please.'

Skidding, Misato turner the last corner, sprinting towards Shinji's room. Half a dozen agents were outside, looking at something. At least, they weren't aiming their weapons, which meant whatever happened had been already subdued. However, like a mocking to her thoughts, she heard muffled screaming and raging. Misato speeded up and fought to get through the agents covering the door.

"Move away, dammit!" she growled, elbowing ribs right and left "I said move… Oh!"

Her growled comment was cut off as she paused in surprise as she finally managed to cross the door. The screaming hadn't stopped, now clear as day; switching languages at insane speed.

"… and I'll kill you, you hear me?! I'll skin you alive!" Asuka roared at Shinji face, spitting on him and shaking him furiously by the gown "Pull that off again and I'll rip your head off, you _arschloch_! Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"

Misato repressed a guffaw, eyeing the young pair that hadn't even noticed they were being watched. She looked at Shinji's scared and distressed face and then at Asuka's raging, worried one. She smiled and pushed the people around her back out and closed the door.

"Let them be" she said "There's no immediate danger. Let them settle their differences"

"But ma'am" an agent said "The Lieutenant…"

"It'll be alright.." Maya cut in "I don't think she'll really kill him."

"You raging asshole!"

Misato raised an eyebrow at the scream.

"Well, she probably won't, right?"

* * *

Asuka shook the poor young man even more aggressively.

"What in Hell were you thinking?!" she screamed "You know what? Scratch that! Were you thinking at all?!"

"Asu…"

"Shut up!" Asuka roared, smacking him in the head before starting to shake him again "I'm not done! What in God's name got into you to act like fucking Kharn?! And then you black out for a week! Do you have any idea how much I worried?!"

"I…"

"You _died_, Shinji!" Asuka screamed, unable to keep holding back "For almost a minute you were dead! You were killed in front of me! You were killed for trying to save me! Can you even understand what I felt?! And then you got up, but it wasn't you! I knew it wasn't you! And I thought you were gone! I've spent a whole week fearing you wouldn't return!"

Asuka leaned forward, resting her head on the young man's chest, sitting on the bed. Shinji froze. Asuka was no longer shaking him, nor hiding her tears.

"But that's what you do, right?" Asuka continued; her voice almost a murmur. She seemed exhausted; all her energy suddenly drained "You leave. Like everyone. You keep leaving. Just when I think I can start to open up to you, you leave me. You abandon me. You run away from me."

Shinji said nothing, frozen by the sudden closeness. Last time they had been this close… Well, last time he tried to strangle her. But the previous one, they had kissed. Awkwardly and almost cruelly but… It was still a kiss, right?

"Right now as well, Shinj." Asuka whispered, looking up, piercing him with her eyes "Just like that time in Misato's apartment. You just won't…"

Before she could end her sentence, Shinji wrapped his arms around her, clenching his fist at the back of her shirt.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered.

Asuka chuckled faintly, lowering her head.

"You haven't said that in a while." she whispered back "I thought you had gotten over it."

Shinji just smiled, resting his chin in top of her head.

"Shinji…" Asuka said "Promise me."

"What?"

"You won't do something like that again." she said "Never. Under no circumstances."

"But…"

"Never again, Shinji" Asuka insisted "Swear it."

Shinji sighed and nodded faintly. Asuka felt the movement and got up. She looked at him and sniffled, before rubbing her eyes furiously.

"_Verflixt_!" she cursed under her breath "Look at me. Weeping like a little girl. This is not something I'd do."

Shinji chuckled.

"Shut up, Third" Asuka snorted, narrowing her eyes "You just caught me in a bad day. You won't be seeing this again."

"I suspected that much"

"And if you talk to anyone about this, you're dead meat." Asuka said, pointing a finger at him threateningly "I mean it."

"I suspected that too." Shinji said with a smile.

Asuka scratched the back of her head, unsure about what to say next.

"So, yeah" she said "Remember that. I'll kill you and… Yeah. I'm going now"

"Come visit me." Shinji smiled.

"Only if you behave." Asuka teased "Catch you later."

With that, Asuka turned around and walked towards the door. With a final glance and a little smile, she left.

Shinji sighed and leaned against the bed. He wasn't totally sure of what had just happened or what it meant or what repercussions it could have. And he would be damned if he cared at all.

* * *

Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki sighed, moving away from his desk. He was getting old for this. A week ago, that Ikari brat had gone simply nuts. According to his waking report, though, he was fine now. And, the same as all the previous times, there were no traces of mental contamination. Fuyutsuki could only speculate what the problem was, given that the boy would surely never tell him.

Despite all this problems, Fuyutsuki had a pretty good theory about what happened. And, if he was right, it reinforced his thoughts about the Fallen Ones and their origin. Everything would be answered if they were able to capture an intact core but, as things were, it was impossible. Also, he couldn't risk Unit-01. It was too important.

Fuyutsuki leaned over his chair. He hated the fact that the purple Evangelion was the only one able to face the Fallen. It put Yui at unnecessary risk. Things were delicate enough without what remained of her conscience in danger. Given that it was still dormant. The Commander didn't like the fact that there was no way to know if Yui's soul had awakened from her five years sleep. He could only pray that she had.

Fuyutsuki diverted his thoughts to the trials he still had to face. Four Fallen Ones had been dealt with. Given what he had discovered in Tokyo-3, there were still five to go. Their appearance or powers remained a mystery though. Like with the previous four. And the last two had appeared together, something that never happened with the Angels. It wasn't strange, considering their probable origin. That was something the Ikari brat didn't know, since it was something he had discovered after Instrumentality. The brat knew what was needed to create them, but wasn't aware of their origin. That was good.

The Commander's thought drifted again, this time to Lorenz Keel. Fuyutsuki grimaced as the man's face appeared in his mind. If he hated someone more that the Ikari brat, that one was Keel. Fuyutsuki wasn't young anymore, but the Committee's leader's life was just too damn long. That old man just refused to die. Also he was beginning to ask too many questions. His interest in Third Impact was slowly becoming an obsession. And it was nothing compared to the one directed towards who started and aborted it. It looked like the old man's death was being postponed only by his will of finding out who had been. For what, Fuyutsuki didn't know. But he couldn't take any chances. As much as he hated the Ikari brat, Fuyutsuki needed him alive. As long as he was the only one able to synch with Unit-01, the Commander had to protect his life. He wasn't sure if Keel wanted to kill him, but he would take no chances. Taking risky bets was what had caused Gendo's downfall. Fuyutsuki was a man that learned from errors he saw other people committing.

* * *

Maya whistled in awe.

"Major, I won't encourage what Shinji did but…"

"Don't say it" Misato growled "Please. It's bad enough that the Commander will force us to use him in battle. This is just insane. Every time he gets in that machine is worse than the previous one"

"I know." Maya said "It's just that… Well, as a scientist, I can't help but admire what he did with Unit-01"

"I don't think I want to know."

"He used the flesh of those things to repair the structure of Unit-01!"

"And that means…?" Misato asked.

"Well, we're pretty sure they are not Angels" Maya explained "But they must have a structure similar to that of the Angels or the Evangelions. It would have been impossible otherwise"

"Oh, joy." Misato deadpanned "You know what? I don't care about what those things are anymore. I just want them to stop appearing and to leave Shinji alone. If this keeps up, he'll end up dead, or insane. Or both"

"Actually." Maya said "What Shinji did inside the entry plug was even crazier. If he was the one that did it, that is."

"What?"

"I mean, given his behaviour during the successive reactivations, we can't be sure if it was him that… Well, scratch that. It's just a theory I'm still working in" the scientist said "What I'm trying to say is… We can accept that Unit-01 regenerated using those things flesh. But how the hell did Shinji heal his injuries without leaving a scar? How in the name of everything did he create an arm out of nothing?"

Misato said nothing. She hadn't really thought about it. She had been content that Shinji had been able to get out of the plug in one piece.

"I compared the amount of LCL in the plug before and after the battle. Do you know what I found?"

"Surprise me" Misato said, even if she suspected what Maya was talking about.

"A specific amount of LCL was lost during the battle. The volume coincided with the mass needed to repair the damage Shinji suffered"

"Just like the time he got out of the Eva after the fight with the Fourteenth?"

"Exactly!" Maya said enthusiastically "He created skin, bones, muscle and blood out of LCL! And he did it unconsciously! Do you have any idea what that means?"

"I don't really…".

"It could change the world of the medicine forever!" Maya continued, ignorer the military woman "Damn, it could change the ways we view human biology completely!"

"Yeah, right" Misato said "I'll stop listening now"

"Can you grasp the implications?" Maya said "If we discover how he did it, we could…"

Maya then began an enthusiastic tirade of scientific gibberish Misato didn't understand nor care about. So the Major closed her eyes and napped, as Maya kept talking in complete obliviousness.

* * *

Shinji was thinking. He was thinking about a bunch of things. About his berserker episode. About Unit-01's words. About Instrumentality. About his mother's speech. About the Fallen Ones. About Asuka.

Oooh, damn. _How_ he was thinking about Asuka was the problem. In fact, he hadn't thought about her like _that_ for more than five years. Since the attack of the Fifteenth, he just couldn't without feeling like a complete monster.

It wasn't like _that_, though. Well, maybe a tiny little bit. Okay, fine. It _was_ like that. But not only that. There was another that.. If you understand what I'm trying to say.

Shinji could still feel the warmth coming from her body. Shinji wasn't a fool. He knew Asuka was strong. She was proud, strong and could probably kick his sorry ass all the way to the moon without breaking a sweat. But in his arms, clinging to his gown, she had looked vulnerable. Just a girl (young woman, he corrected himself) worried sick. About him. Worried about what was probably the lowest life form in planet Earth. It escaped his comprehension. But, in some twisted way, it made all the sense in the world. Because, deep inside, he knew they were alike. Two scared little children who were just beginning to comprehend who they were. Two lonely, scarred individuals that had been wandering in the dark for too long. Until, one day, they bumped into each other.

Obviously, being alone for that long, they couldn't trust each other. 'He/She is not like me. He/She can't be. He/She will hurt me, like everybody has'. Hedgehog dilemma. Shinji frowned. Maybe it was worth the risk. He had spent fifteen years of his life running away.. Maybe…

"Now you're getting corny" Asuka mocked him "You really think you deserve any of this crap? Just think about what you did to me."

Shinji frowned. He knew. He couldn't change the past. He knew that. But… What if it wasn't his choice? What if he could actually redeem himself? What if…?

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

In fact… Was it really his job to punish himself? Maybe it was another one's job. He knew he'd never forgive himself. Even if her mother had told him, he would never forgive, never forget. But, what about the others? Would they forgive him? Would Asuka forgive him?

"No" Asuka smirked "I won't"

Shinji growled. Stop that. Stop talking like you're her. You're not her. And you're pissing me off.

"Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do about it? Kill me again?"

You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd love that. I'd love that. To keep doing this. Again and again and again until the day I die. To keep repeating to myself the same things one time, and another, and another. I'd love that. It'd be so damn easy. To keep hating myself and the world, and lamenting on what I did. That'd be perfect. Even comfortable. Doing the same thing I did five years ago. I know that. I'm comfortable in that. It's safe in there, where nobody can hurt me, except myself. If I don't take the risk, I can't fail, right? If I don't ask them, I can think for them, can't I? I'll decide what they believe. It's what I've always done, right?

Shinji groaned and managed to get on his feet. He looked around the room, eyeing the ghost.

"Well, you know what?" he said aloud "_Fuck you._"


	19. Chapter 19

**Here is the newest chapter! **

**Mmmmh… I'm not totally satisfied with this one, but… Well, it was necessary. When you write short chapters, it's inevitable that some of them are as juicy as others.**

**By the way, remember to thank Slicerness for correcting the mistakes!**

**I don't own Evangelion.**

19- INTERLUDE

Lorenz Keel averted his eyes from the screen of his computer when he heard the knocking on his door.

"Enter."

A middle aged man wearing a suit entered the room and bowed lightly.

"Chairman."

"What is it?" Keel said. He hated being disrupted when he was working.

"I'm sorry, sir." the man apologized "It's just… We have finally received the info, sir."

Keel would have jerked up from his chair, had his dying body let him. Really? Would he finally have an answer to his questions?

"Tell me about him." Keel ordered "I want to meet him."

"That's the problem, sir." the man excused "The Commander won't let us. He says it would compromise the mental stability of the pilot."

"So, it was one of the Children?" Keel asked "Which one?"

"The Third, sir."

"I see." Keel made a dismissive gesture with his hand "You may retire, Albers."

The man bowed again.

"Sir."

With that, the man called Albers left. Keel leaned on his comfortable chair. The Third Child… Yeah, it made sense. After all, he had always been the most unpredictable of the pilots. Even when he was acting according to the scenario, he had managed to surprise him. Keel never expected him to actually kill Tabris. No doubt the Third had managed to surprise his father as well.

He would talk to Fuyutsuki. He didn't want to harm the boy. He only wanted answers. He was too old and damaged to hope for a new Instrumentality. He would die, he knew it. He just wanted to ask him some things, to understand his decisions. After all his years and efforts, Lorenz Keel just wanted to know.

Just more knowledge. Like that Kaji Ryoji guy, Keel was a man that wanted to unravel all the mysteries in the world. And a man rejecting godhood was a pretty damn big mystery.

* * *

Beautiful. So beautiful. Tragic, of course. A horrific drama. It had been terrible, an incredibly painful blow.

But it had been delivered so beautifully…

* * *

Shinji groaned as his headache worsened. His lack of sleep still bothered him to great lengths. Damn, if he had known that trying to fend away his demons would bring him such pains, he wouldn't have tried. Even since he had flipped it off, the ghost that followed him had become even more persistent and cruel. Its comments were harsher, bitter. His nightmares worsened. It was like his own conscience was fighting against him. Like his own subconscious refused to acknowledge his new mentality. He had more issues than he thought. 'How annoying.'

As he exited his room accompanied by a rather talkative Kensuke, he thought about his mental fights. Since he had decided on facing his problems head on, he had been in a continuous battle. This couldn't go on like this. He would eventually snap. He would have to eventually talk to somebody about it. But there was a problem.

He was afraid.

Even if he had decided to actually stand for himself, he was scared. Scared of the consequences. He had managed to regain a pretty good relationship with those he had failed in the past. But the memories of these people were blurry, he was sure of it. Nobody, except Fuyutsuki, knew he had been the trigger of Third Impact. Asuka didn't know what he had done by her hospital bed. He feared that.

He was scared of what they would do if they knew. He was afraid of what they would think about him. He feared that they would abandon him. He dreaded that Asuka would hate him. After that intimate moment they had shared, that old flame was burning stronger than ever. It wasn't a little candle flame in his mind anymore. It had surpassed the level of a fond memory of his teenage days. He knew that, if Asuka ended up hating him, he wouldn't be able to take it.

For that reason, he had spent the whole week he had been in the hospital bed fighting against himself. He had spent restless nights fighting with the shadow of his guilt. Even if he told himself it wasn't for him to decide, he could help but be terrified at the thought of rejection.

_Don't abandon me!_

He was scared. So, so scared. But, at the same time, he knew things couldn't stay like this forever. Sooner or later, he would have to face it. He would go insane if he didn't. He…

"Hey, Shinji!" Kensuke called "Are you listening?"

Shinji snapped back to reality.

"Sorry, Kensuke." he said "I kind of zoned out."

"You're doing that a lot lately." Kensuke observed "Are you really alright?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Shinji said in a reassuring voice "It's just… I have a lot of things on my mind."

Kensuke chuckled.

"Well, my dear friend." He said, smacking him lightly in the back "You better stay awake. Mari told me that the Lieutenant…"

"Are you finally out, Third?"

Shinji groaned. 'Oh, crap.'

* * *

Fuyutsuki frowned. He glared at the paper in front of him, as if by doing so he could make it disappear. Obviously, it didn't work.

It was a formal written request for a meeting between the UN chairman Lorenz Keel and the pilot of the Test Type Evangelion Unit-01, codename Third Child, Shinji Ikari. Fuyutsuki didn't have a reason to deny it. As long as Keel had not specified who he wanted to meet, Fuyutuski could act as he didn't know. Even if Keel had asked for Ikari, the Commander could have rejected it. But now that it came with a formal written request, full with signature and the UN seal, he had no way to refuse.

The bright side of the deal was that, as long as it was an UN official reunion, Keel could not kill Ikari. And Fuyutsuki had been given the possibility of choosing the place and time for the meeting. After all, it looked like Keel really just wanted to talk. About what, Fuyutsuki did not know.

Fuyutuski was a man that knew when he had been defeated. Even if it had been a minor and unimportant defeat, the Commander was bitter. Why was everybody so damn insistent? Keel kept wanting to meet with Ikari. Katsuragi insisted on retiring Ikari from active duty. Even Yui refused to synch with anyone who wasn't Ikari.

Ikari, Ikari, Ikari. That damned brat. He was just like his father. People kept following him blindly, unaware of his faults, unable to see how fucked up he really was. That brat had killed everybody and given them a glimpse of paradise, just to snatch it from them at the last instant. And for what?

Fuyutsuki flinched at that. For what, indeed. Why the hell had Ikari refused Instrumentality? That question had bugged him since he returned from the sea of LCL. Maybe, he thought, that was what Keel wanted from him. An explanation. It made sense. After all, why would such a pathetic and unhappy human being reject his only chance to find happiness?

* * *

"Asuka…" Shinji said for the tenth time "I don't think this is a good idea…"

Asuka hopped about three meters away in front of him; her long, red ponytail bouncing with her and the tight gym clothes wrapping around those curves that… 'Stop it, Shinji. Not the time for that.'

"Of course you don't." Asuka smiled the same way a cat would smile with a mouse in front of its mouth "I wouldn't think it was a good idea if I was in your shoes, either."

"Then why…?"

"Because I'm in my shoes not yours." Asuka replied with the same smile as she stretched "And I'm going to enjoy this."

"I don't think Misato would appr-…" Shinji started again.

"I approve!" Misato cut in with a happy shout.

"That's another thing…" Shinji groaned as Asuka finished her warm up "Why is everybody here?"

"I want to see the performance of Evangelion pilots in non-Eva battle." Maya said.

"I'm here to make sure you stop before you get hurt." Hikari explained.

"I came because Hikari told me to. Also, bets." Toji exposed.

"I heard from a reliable source you got in a few bar brawls before your re-recruiting. Had to see to believe it." Misato smiled.

"I want to put the video on the internet." Kensuke pointed at his camera.

"I just enjoy the sight of gratuitous violence." Mari shrugged.

Shinji groaned as he brought a palm to his forehead.

"Oh, for the love of…"

"Come on, Third." Asuka said with a cheery voice. Shinji was sure she was enjoying herself. Way too much "I'll try to be gentle."

"You already made that joke." Shinji said "Does nobody remember what happened the last time we…"

"You were in your Evangelions the last time." Misato cut him "And we knew one of those things was out there. Today is different."

Shinji just rolled his eyes. Whatever. As usual, nobody listened to the voice of reason. The fact that the voice of reason was someone that only a week ago, had gone on a psychotic frenzy was somewhat worrisome. Shinji put his protective head-gear on, followed by the gloves. He raised his arms and faced Asuka, who had been ready for a while. 'I'm _so_ going to regret this'

"Ready?" Misato cheerfully asked "Go!"

Shinji jumped back as Asuka leaped at him. Planting his feet firmly on the floor, he awaited her next charge. If he got lucky and managed to get her on the ground, he could end this fast, having the weight advantage.

Asuka jumped at him again, grabbing his collar and kicking his ankle. Shinji tripped and almost fell, but managed to regain his footing and grabbed the young woman's upper part of her pants. Now, if he managed to throw her off balan…

Then she grabbed him and squeezed. _Hard_. Shinji yelped in surprise and pain, giving Asuka the opportunity of getting the best of him and throw him off balance. Shinji grunted as he fell heavily on the floor, Asuka heaping on him.

"Do you surrender?" she smiled slyly. Shinji ignored her and looked at his side, eyeing Misato.

"That's cheating!" he complained "What kind of referee are you?!"

"Military rules. There's no such thing as 'cheating.'"

"Fine!" Shinji growled. 'Have it your way, then'.

The male pilot struggled a bit, hoping it would work. Asuka smiled.

"What's the matter, Third? Out of breath?"

"A bit." He confessed with a smile "I mean… Damn! You _are_ heavy."

Asuka frowned a bit, but didn't flinch.

"Nice try." she mocked "You're not going to piss me off that easily though."

Shinji sighed.

"I should have expected you to be too smart for this."

"Damn right I'm…"

Shinji spat in her face. Asuka recoiled in surprise and let him go to get the saliva out of her face. Shinji used the distraction to shove her off him, retreating a few steps to regain his composure. As she finished cleaning herself, Asuka glared daggers at him.

"You disgusting son of a…"

"Military rules." Shinji cut he "No such thing as 'cheating', right?"

"Wow, Shinji." Misato whistled "That was surprisingly nasty coming from you."

"Hey, I…"

Shinji's verbal defense of his maneuver was stopped as Asuka leaped at him again. This time, though, instead of trying to grab him, she kicked him in the stomach. Shinji recoiled, grabbing the area in pain.

"What the hell?!" Shinji groaned.

"You _spat_ in my face!" was the only explanation the young woman gave to that change of the script.

"You tried to crush my family jewels first!"

"It was a grabbing maneuver, you sick freak!" She hissed "You were the first to break the accord. Shinji grimaced. Figures. It was his fault again. Right. 'Fine. Have it your way.', the young man thought, raising his arms.

Asuka dashed towards him, making a feint with her left arm and kicking his side with her right leg. Shinji though, had prepared for the impact and wasn't thrown off balance, grabbing the leg and punching Asuka's head with his free hand. The protective gear made the blow a painless one, but the woman was thrown off balance and fell. 'Hah!' Shinji thought before realizing what he had done.

"You punched me in the face." Asuka said in disbelief. It wasn't a question.

Huh?... oh... shit

"Look, Asuka, I'm…"

"You punched me in the face!" the redhead repeated, louder this time.

Shit.

"Misato!" Shinji exclaimed, trying the diplomatic way "Tell her…"

"You punched her in the face." Misato interrupted. Unlike Asuka, she had an amused voice in her voice "This is going to be _awesome_"

Oh, for the love of…

"You asshole!" Asuka roared as she got up. Shinji gulped.

"You started it!" Shinji declared as he moved to avoid being punched in the nose. Asuka connected the move with a kick to his ribs. Shinji managed to block it, but was forced to stumble back. Asuka went for a straight punch, which Shinji was able to grab with his hand.

"Look, I'm sorr-…" he started, before a kick to his ankle threw him off balance. Asuka pushed with her trapped hand and gravity made the rest.

For the second time, Shinji fell heavily on the floor, grunting at the pain. Asuka pinned him with her knees, putting one hand in front of his mouth.

"Gotcha." she smiled.

Shinji narrowed his eyes. You manipulative… She leaned closer.

"Do you surrender?"

Close. Too close to be comfortable. Her hair fell over her shoulder like a cascade, and she was close and sweaty and panting from the exercise and _so damn close_.

Shinji nodded faintly. Asuka smiled and got off him. Shinji got up with a groan.

"_Gott_, I needed that. the redhead smiled "Too much tension in my shoulders."

Shinji groaned.

"If that was the problem, I would have given you a massage or something"

"You wish."

'Damn right I do.' he thought. Of course he didn't say that out loud. Ignoring the words coming from their audience, Shinji looked at Asuka's retreating form as she went to the changing room, and how those pant clenched themselves around her tight little a…

'I need a shower. Now.'

* * *

So tragic, yet so beautiful. It had been so beautiful. The dance of Death; two minds, two bodies and two souls acting like one. The Bringer and Mother, acting like one. No, that was wrong. They had been one. So beautiful. Could that mean… was he ready? All their advances had been for naught. Four of her Brother had died trying to reach him. However… Were they doing this wrong? After all, the Relative who had been the closest to achieve their goal hadn't been the strongest one. Maybe they were approaching the issue from the wrong angle. Maybe…

Tabris… Was Tabris the key? He had been the closest. Also, she felt some kind of attachment to Tabris. After all, his mind had been the one that… Right. Maybe the answer Tabris had found was the correct one.

The Lilim were a cowrdly species. They feared what they couldn't understand, and reacted to that fear with violence. But, then again, the Lilim were a rational species. One could talk to them, convince them, change their views. They were malleable like that. And the Bringer had been one of them for too long. Maybe…

After all, what was the reason for the bringer to act against them? It was always for the protection of the Beasts. If the Beasts weren't in danger, he was bound to, at least, listen. Also, he had made clear he didn't enjoy the psychic link. So, she had to avoid that.

If she had had a head, she would have nodded to herself. That was it. She would try a different approach. After all, the Bringer had to understand. Reaching for her memories, she began to change. This time, he would listen. This time, she would be threatening, or scary, or intimidating. This time, the Bringer would look at her and see her for what she was. This time, he was going to listen. He had to.

* * *

Shinji gulped painfully, his hand almost touching the knob. 'Are you ready?' he asked himself. Shinji chuckled. What a silly question. Of course not. Just as he was about to open the door, a voice called for him.

"Pilot Ikari." he said. It was one agent from his personal duo of searching party. Again. "The Commander wants to see you."

Shinji frowned, pulling his hand back from the knob. Again? Why? With a light nod, Shinji followed the agent. Why was the world against his will to change, again? It was like some cosmic audience enjoyed seeing him struggle endlessly.

Cool. Now he was getting paranoid.


	20. Chapter 20

**Here is chapter 20! I hope you like it.**

**I can't say I'm totally happy about this chapter. Feels like filler to me. That makes two in a row. But I think the next one will have more meaning.**

**Remember to thank Slicerness for his corrections!**

**I do not own Evangelion.**

20- ZIZ (I)

"Please, sit down, mister Ikari." Keel said, gesturing at the chair on the opposite side of the table. Shinji complied, somewhat warily. After all, he knew who the old man in front of him was and was painfully aware of what he had done over the years.

"Do you know who I am?" Keel asked with an assessing look on his face. Shinji sat down, trying to evaluate the man in front of him. It was made difficult, as his eyes were hidden behind the glasses used for correcting his blindness.

"Yes." Shinji said. Lying would bring him nowhere, at least for now. And everybody in Germany knew who Lorenz Keel, Chairman of the UN, was. And, after all, Shinji did not know what the older man wanted from him.

"You may be wondering why I wanted to meet with you, mister Ikari." Keel said in sloppy Japanese. It's a trick, Shinji told to himself. He's trying to lower your guard.

"I'm curious, sir." Shinji responded cautiously "I fail to see what the Chairman of the UN would want from someone like me. The only link I've ever had with the UN was my piloting of the Evangelion."

Keel waved his hand lightly and the man accompanying them left the room, leaving the two alone. Shinji tensed immediately.

"Please, do not be so nervous." Keel said "I promise you I mean you no harm."

All the alarms in Shinji's head went off at the same time. He's lying, he thought. He's lying and I'm dead meat.

Keel obviously felt the tension in his body, as his mouth made an annoyed grimace.

"I'm sorry." he excused himself. "My Japanese is not very fluent. Was my choice of words incorrect?"

Shinji shook his head slowly, eyeing the only door in the room. Even if he as sitting in a comfortable leather chair, in front of an expensive looking table with a rich assortment of drinks for him to pick off, this room felt like an interrogation one. He eyed the windows in the wall behind him. He could try jumping. No, that was stupid. After all, they were bullet proof windows and, even if he somehow managed to jump through them, it was a fifteen story fall. He would die. And inside this room he had a higher probability of survival. Even if it was by a small margin.

"Please, mister Ikari." Keel said in a reassuring voice "You are being overly cautious. I said I meant you no harm. After all, why would I?"

Crap.

"I'll be completely honest with you, mister Ikari. You are not here to talk about anything related to the Evangelions. Well, that's not entirely true. Let's say it's not something directly related to Evangelions." Keel frowned as much as his visor let him "Well, that also is not entirely true… Well, I'm drifting from the matter at hand. I think you know why I want to talk with you."

"And what reason would that be?" Shinji asked. He would not make assumptions.

"Following my policy of being honest with you, I will say it is about the Instrumentality Project, of course."

"What is that?"

Keel frowned again.

"Please, mister Ikari. I am being honest here. Also, I think I am being respectful towards you. Please don't insult my intelligence."

Shinji sighed.

"Fine, let's say I know what this 'Instrumentality' is." Shinji tented his hands in front of his face "What does it have to do with me?"

Keel's lips curved almost imperceptibly upwards.

"Your father used to take that posture when talking with me."

"He used to take this posture every time he talked with someone. Concealing his mouth, in addition to his sunglasses, gave him the advantage in negotiations; since the other party couldn't read his expressions."

"I know. But you lack the sunglasses. Also, you are not trying to conceal anything." Keel's lips curved a bit more "I think you're just doing it for the psychological effect. Even if you took most of your features from your mother, you still look like him. That, adding the postural effect, is bound to make the other party uncomfortable. Please, stop it."

Shinji raised an eyebrow and untended his hands. A small smile appeared in his lips.

"Well, I'll be damned. Fuyutsuki fell for it." he said.

"I do not doubt it." Keel answered "But he was closer to your father than I ever was. Also, I am older than him. Still, it unsettles me. I ask from you to not do it."

Shinji nodded and put his hands on the table, as if saying 'See what a nice guy I am? I'm compelling to your request, even if I don't have to. Please don't kill me'.

"I know you were the trigger for Third Impact, mister Ikari." Keel said, finally getting to business "Do not ask how I got that information, I am sure you do not want to know. I know Rei Ayanami, the third, betrayed your father and put you in the centre of Instrumentality. I know you initiated it. I read your files. I can understand why you did it."

Shinji just nodded. All of what the man was saying was true, after all.

"But, before the absolute completion, you were given the choice to join the sea of LCL. And you didn't. You returned to reality, giving everyone the choice to do so."

Shinji nodded again. The old man had a good information net, and pretty good imagination.

"And here is why I wanted to ask you. The question that has been burning in my mind all this time." Keel looked intently at him, Shinji could tell despite the visor "Why?"

Whatever Shinji thought that Keel would say; it sure wasn't that. He was taken back.

"Excuse me?" he asked, sure to have heard wrong.

"I want to know why." Keel repeated "Why would you reject the unification? I will be honest, please take no offence. When I read your files, I thought you were so pathetic it wasn't even funny. To number just some of the things the file said." Keel took a paper that had been in front of him "Generalized social phobia, avoidant personality disorder, abandonment chronic phobia, chronic self-deprecation, slight chronic depression and hints of a Freudian Oedipus complex."

"Well... that's embarrassing." Shinji said. He didn't seem embarrassed at all.

"That's only the files _before_ you started piloting. Near the end of the Angel War, your file had some additions. Do you want to hear them?"

"Please."

"According to doctor Akagi's observations in your battles and interaction with the NERV staff you developed a repressed sociopathic disorder, bordering the double personality; repressed sexual urges; aggravation of the chronic depression previously diagnosed." Keel eyed his from over the paper "She also hinted possible masochistic tendencies."

"Wow, I'm more messed up than I thought." Shinji deadpanned. After all, Keel was not saying anything he didn't already know.

"That's why I can't understand." Keel said "You hated this world, and with good reasons. You despised the reality you lived in. You feared human contact. Then, why? Why did you reject the possibility of a painless life? Why did you turn down the offer of blissful happiness?"

Shinji sighed. How explain it? He had no logical answer. He couldn't explain it in the cold logic Keel followed.

"I… saw many things." Shinji said "During Instrumentality, that is. I felt a lot of things. I saw people's minds. And saw all the possibilities of this planet. I could have picked any reality I wanted to live in, and be happy. But… I realised that wasn't true happiness. Just some lie I would construct. I… I wanted the opportunity to change things. I was overwhelmed. For a long time, in this reality, I forgot why I came back. Now I remember. It has taken me longer that I thought. Also…" Shinji smiled a little and winked at the older man "Well, the last part it's secret. I'm not telling"

Keel said nothing, just looking at him. He seemed to be evaluating his answer. Shinji was sure the man was searching any hint of lie in it. He finally sighed.

"I see." he said "I can't say I understand completely but… I'll be honest. If I had caught you the first year after returning, you would be dead. Painfully, if I had any saying in it. But I'm old. And I'm tired. I only wanted some answers. I think you understand that."

Shinji thought back to Kaji. Yes, he could understand. Keel nodded.

"You are a strange man, mister Ikari." he said "Very strange. I do not think many people in your position would have done what you did. In a way, you scare me more than your father did. But, then again, I am too old to care anymore."

"So, can I leave?" Shinji asked.

"Sure. Be my guest. Just one thing." The older man looked at him in the eye again. Shinji was sure that he could read him like an open book "Try not to get killed out there. It would be a waste."

Shinji nodded slowly and left. Keel grabbed one of the drinks and poured himself a glass. Yes, it would be a damned waste. Whatever Fuyutsuki was planning was sure to be in conflict with the Third's philosophy. He didn't know what made the Third change from when he was fourteen but he resembled his father in a thing: he wouldn't let himself be manipulated again. Not by him, not by Fuyutsuki.

Keel smiled. Now he wanted to live a little longer. If just to see which side would win, Fuyutsuki, Ikari, or those new Angels that kept appearing. Keel felt kind of good. Now that he was out of the game, he felt he could watch it and enjoy himself. As he had told Ikari, he was too old to care who would win. He just hoped for a good show before the end.

* * *

She eyed the blue sky. She had done well. No Placenta had been needed, for she didn't want any special power, with the exception of the Shield. After all, she only wanted to talk. No need to wreak havoc. She had to go undetected, at least until she found the Bringer. He was in this city. She could feel it. Now, which direction to go?

A pair of Lilim males were whispering to each other and pointing at her, before approaching her position.

"Hello!" the taller one said, smiling at her "Are you alone?"

Lilim language... German. Yes, German, she was sure of it.

"Yes" she said politely "I am alone, for now. I am looking for something, though. Would you be so kind as to give me directions?"

The German teenagers looked at each other, slightly shocked for the excessively formal speech.

"Sure…" the taller one said "Where do you want to go? We can take you there."

"That would be very convenient." she said, smiling lightly "I am looking for the NERV offices. Do you happen to know where it is located?"

"NERV HQ?" the shorter one spoke for the first time "We can take you to the location, but nobody can enter."

"That is no problem." she assured "I only wish to get there."

The teenager nodded and leaded the way. She looked at herself every time they passed near a shop window. She liked this body. Slender, good proportioned… The skin, hair and eye colour weren't entirely correct, but she suspected, the original colour would attract too much attention, so she settled a darker skin, black hair and brown eyes. Still, she thought, running her hand through her short hair, she was close enough. The Bringer was sure to recognise her. She had been one of the most prominent figures in his heart and mind, a fond memory. He was sure to be pleased.

And so, Ziz made her way towards NERV.

* * *

Misato Katsuragi found him in the hallway of the near the meeting room of the fifteenth floor, panting heavily and bended by his waist while staring at a pound of his own vomit. He was muttering under his raging breath, repeating the same words over and over again, like some insane mantra. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

"Shinji!" the Major exclaimed, running towards him "Shinji what's…?"

Misato nearly jumped in surprise as Shinji's arm shoot out and grabbed her wrist hard, almost painfully.

"Misato…" he growled "You… I'm sorry…"

"Calm down Shinji!" Misato said, fighting to not panic herself "Breath slowly!"

Shinji gasped, strengthening his grip on the older woman's wrist.

"… My fault…" he managed to spit "…I'm sorry…"

Misato yelped as Shinji whole weight fell almost limply, forcing her to grab him to avoid the fall.

"Shinji?! Can you hear me?!"

"It hurts…" Shinji muttered to himself "…I'm sorry…"

"Shinji, listen to my voice!" Misato said near his ear "I'm here! Can you hear me?"

Shinji seemed to look at her, his eyes blurry and full of tears.

"Misato…" Shinji gasped "Death… Blood… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

"Calm down…" the Major whispered soothingly, caressing Shinji's back "I'm here. It'll be alright."

Shinji felt the familiar dizziness that preceded unconsciousness and battled against it. Not again, he thought. He couldn't fall again. Misato… Misato deserved to know. He couldn't faint. He had to explain it to her. He had to…

Darkness.

* * *

"There it is." the boy said "Just follow the street to the end. But you won't be able to enter."

Ziz just smiled gratefully.

"It will be okay." she said "I'm sure they will let me."

The shorter of the youngsters just shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

* * *

When he woke up, Shinji felt he was being half carried, half dragged down the hallways.

"I'm getting too old for this…" he heard a female voice say. The woman then talked to him again.

"Don't worry, Shinji" she said "It'll be alright. We'll get to the infirmary in no time. You'll get better before you realize it"

"Misato…" Shinji said faintly. The older woman tensed before letting out a relieved sigh.

"Thank god!" she whispered "You're awake? God, you gave me a fright back there!"

"I'm sorry…" Shinji said. He wasn't really sure of about what he was apologizing, though.

"It's okay," Misato reassured him "We'll just go to…"

"I'm okay" Shinji said curtly "I just… I just need some rest."

"Are you sure?" Misato asked "You look pale. As in, paler than usual."

"I'm sure. The worst has ended."

Misato eyed him worriedly before shaking her head.

"How do you manage to always get away with what you want?" she asked with a sigh "I can't possibly tell you 'no'."

Shinji just smiled faintly.

"Let me at least accompany you to your barracks."

The young man nodded, knowing fully well that he wouldn't be able to shake Misato off.

"Misato, I…"

"It's okay" Misato said, cutting him rather aggressively "I know you'll tell me whatever is troubling you. Not today, nor possibly tomorrow, but you will do it, eventually."

Shinji nodded, sighing lightly. So even Misato could tell it, huh? That he was troubled, and unable to battle it yet. Damn.

"I want you to promise me something, Shinji." the woman said after a few minutes of silenced walking.

Shinji looked at his former guardian

"What?"

"I don't know what you talk about in those secret meetings of yours." Misato said without looking at him "And I probably don't want to know, but." the older woman turned to face him, piercing his with her eyes. She looked worried, and caring "This is the second time you get this bad after one of those. Whatever you do inside those rooms… Please, don't keep doing it. I don't know what you talk about, but it hurts you very badly. Try not to… You know."

Shinji nodded lightly.

"I'll try." he said "Also, I don't think I'll be having anymore meetings."

* * *

Okay… How should she face this? The Bringer was probably inside this building, but… She felt he was distressed at the moment. Maybe now wasn't the best time to do this. After all, she was better than those Lilim, who kept using him for their selfish wished.

Ziz frowned. The Lilim were truly a hateful race. She didn't understand what Tabris had seen in them. She shared a portion of his mind, but she didn't understand. They were better than them. The Bringer was better than them. The Earth was theirs. The Lilim were selfish, cruel and generally stupid. Those two lads from before had only helped her in hopes of getting inside her panties. If she had been of the Lilim, she would not have hesitated of making use of the anxious state of mind the Bringer was in now. She was better than this.

God, how much hated this race! How she despised this… Humanity. They stank. Nay, they reeked of decadence and perversion and hate and a lot of other ugly things. She hated them, she despised them, she abhorred them. But, above anything else, she envied them. She envied them because the Bringer preferred them. The Bringer protected them from harm, expecting nothing in return. He was so good.

The Lilim were not worthy, she was sure of it. She had evidence now that she had seen them. They were ugly. Unlike her previous Brothers, she was not only sentient, she was intelligent. She was analytical. And all she saw were a bunch of disgusting animals crawling pathetically.

Oh, how she wished she had taken at least some of the powers her previous Brothers had, not only the Shield that marked them as such. She would have enjoyed the sight of destruction.

Ziz inhaled slowly to calm herself down. This wasn't good. She had chosen this appearance for a reason. She wanted to please the Bringer with her presence. She had to behave. Looking at herself in a shop mirror, she again was marvelled at her aspect. She was pretty. Really pretty. The Bringer would like her. And if he liked her, he would listen to her. Also, seeing her aspect would trigger those precious memories in him. He was going to be so happy and proud of her.

Ziz eventually decided she's wait a day or two before getting into NERV. She wanted him to be rested and well, perfectly able to listen and understand her.

She was so looking forward to this!


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello everybody! I'm finally done!**

**After a short hiatus, I'm back in action! My tests are FINISHED! I am FREE! MWUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**So, yeah. Sorry for this chapter being this short.**

**PD- I don't own Evangelion.**

21- ZIZ (II)

Shinji left his barrack with a splitting headache. He felt like someone was crushing his brain with a jackhammer. Massaging his forehead with two fingers, he looked around to see if somebody was leaving, too. At first he saw nobody, but that didn't surprise him since he usually was up before daybreak, a nasty side effect of his chronic insomnia. He stirred widely just as Kensuke's barrack's door opened and the military nut exited with a sleepy look.

Shinji waved in his direction, getting a half-hearted salute as a response. As the young man had the pleasure to know, Kensuke was definitely not a morning person. He wondered why he was up so early. Probably some test. Shinji frowned lightly. He didn't see the need of those tests. Kensuke and Hikari would obviously never be able to make it to a fight. The just didn't have the gift. Shinji chuckled lightly. Now he was starting to sound like Asuka. Speaking of the Devil (Shinji tried not to make a relation with the nickname Toji had given her) there she was, getting out of her own barrack. The pilot of Unit-02 rubbed her eyes furiously before yawning like a bear. Shinji chuckled. Asuka had never been a morning person.

"Want to grab some coffee?" Shinji said in her direction. Asuka squinted her eyes, as if she had trouble identifying him.

"Yeah…" she muttered "Coffee. Yeah, sure. Cool."

Shinji raised an eyebrow. Asuka was no good in the mornings, but this was just ridiculous.

"Are you okay?"

Asuka rubbed her eyes again.

"Yeah" she groaned "Just… Bad night. A lot of paperwork. And someone had an attack yesterday, barfing his guts out on a hallway. Again."

Shinji scratched the back of his head.

"Were you worried?"

Asuka narrowed her eyes, realizing her slip. She stared daggers at him, muttering something in German that Shinji translated as 'Stupid Third thinks he's some smartass'. One of this days I have to tell her I actually speak German, Shinji thought.

"Come on, let's have some breakfast. My treat."

"Damn right your treat." Asuka growled.

Kensuke just watched the interchange and rolled his eyes.

* * *

Ziz just eyed the building again. She had been wandering the whole night and what she had seen had not improved her opinion of the Lilim. The stench was so bad she thought it would soil her forever, even when she lost the body she was currently using. Which by the way; had attracted too much attention to her liking the previous night. But now she stood in front of her objective, finally. The Bringer was here and, unlike during the night, he was now feeling alright.

So she smiled, looked directly at one surveillance camera and activated her Shield.

* * *

Fuyutsuki ran as fast as he could to the surveillance room. He had arrived before any other high ranker, something he was grateful for. When he eyed the screens and saw the possible intruder, he gasped. The hair was a different colour, as was her eyes and skin but…

"Yui?" he gasped, before shaking his head. No. Too young. Also, the fixation of the Fallen ones with Shinji meant…

Fuyutsuki grabbed a microphone, talking to the exterior through the loudspeakers.

"Your kind is not welcomed here." his voice boomed.

Ziz just chuckled.

"What are you talking about? _You_ created _us_ as your future. We were born from your puppets."

"Leave now and you won't be harmed." Fuyutuski said, ignoring her words. It wasn't like she was saying anything he didn't already know.

"Such aggressiveness" Ziz giggled "I just want to have a talk."

"I have nothing to talk with you."

Ziz giggled again, this time a little longer.

"Aren't we full of ourselves?" she said "Who said anything about you? I want to talk with someone way more important than you can ever hope to be, mister Lilim. I want to walk with the Bringer."

Fuyutsuki frowned. The Bringer, as the reverse side of the Scrolls put it, was the one that gave birth to the Fallen Ones, freeing them from the prison they were trapped in. Given the information he had from his trip to Japan and the continuous attempts at invading Ikari's mind…

"You want to talk with the Third Child?"

"I believe that's what you call him, yes." Ziz replied with a smile.

"How do we know we can let you enter this place?" Fuyutsuki said "You could be only waiting for a chance to enter."

"I have no interest in that embryo you have in your power, Lilim:" Ziz replied curtly "Your race is so arrogant. You think everything is about you. Even when the Relatives attacked, you thought it was something they did because they desired your destruction. Such superciliousness. You are not that important."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?" the Commander mocked "You don't sound very convincing."

"That's okay with me, too." Ziz shrugged "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. In the easy way; I enter, say what I have to and we're done. The hard way has a lot more explosions and blood in it."

"You are pretty arrogant for someone with a human appearance."

"My appearance is one that will help me communicate with the Bringer. And, if my memory serves me right, it was a relative with a human face the one who got closer to Their objective."

Fuyutsuki scratched his chin pensively. He could refuse, but preparing the Evangelions would take time. The pilots weren't prepared, and half of them were still in bed. Also, all he knew told him the Fallen Ones meant no harm to Ikari, so the possibility of Unit-01 losing its pilots was minimal. Also, he was curious about what exactly the Fallen wanted. And if he managed to capture one of them alive… Everything would be a lot easier.

"You may pass." Fuyutsuki said, signalling the people in the room "But would you try something funny, you will not leave this place alive."

Ziz just giggled at this.

"I would _love_ to see you try."

* * *

Shinji rubbed his forehead with a groan. Asuka, now more awake thanks to her third coffee cup, raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"What's the matter?" she asked "You've been groaning and complaining without stop."

"I don't know" the young man replied, sipping a cup of tea "I have this headache. Like someone is drilling into my brain."

"Why would anyone want to drill into your brain?" Asuka mocked "It's not like there something interesting in there."

"Very funny." Shinji growling "You're not helping. It's just… I don't know. Something's wrong. I can feel it."

Asuka sipped her cut lightly.

"That's creepy. Stop it." Asuka said fingering his cheek "Seriously, stop it. Ever since the last attack, you've been acting really weird."

"Don't you mean weirder than usual?" Shinji joked.

"I'm serious, Shinji."

"I'm sorry. It's just…" Shinji sighed "You're right, of course. I just… Have you ever had the impression there's something you have to do but just can't?"

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.

"I… There's something we have to talk about. Something important. But…" Shinji averted his gaze and fidgeted lightly "I'm afraid of the outcome."

"You do realize it looks like you're going to confess, right?" Asuka grinned.

"Funny." Shinji groaned "When did you become a member of the Comedy Club?"

"You're boring." Asuka sighed "You were saying?"

"Not now." Shinji said with a sigh "Now's neither the time nor the place."

"Is that so?" Asuka said, sipping her cup again "For all I know, now's a good time. This moment is the same as any other. If you keep waiting for the perfect chance, you probably won't ever say it. Looks like another way to avoid the issue to me."

Shinji said nothing for a few minutes, just staring at his cup. Asuka watched him look a bit to his side and muttering something to himself. He finally looked up to her.

"You're right." Shinji said "I probably was just looking for an excuse."

"I'm always right."

"Yeah, sure." Shinji smiled "Look, not with that many people around is. I'm serious; this is something between you and me. It's…"

Shinji suddenly shut up, his head jolting up like a spring. He grabbed his head suppressing a scream, clenching his hands so hard he pulled of some strands of hair.

Asuka jumped on her feet, rounding the table in a second and grabbing his shoulder.

"Shinji? Shinji what's…?"

"It's here…" the young man murmured "Why is it here…?"

Shinji stood up, wobbling slightly.

"It shouldn't be here…" Shinji growled "Why is it here? Damn it… I won't accept this…"

"Shinji?"

"No Eva… Just talk? I'll show you some talk…" the male pilot continued ranting, ignoring completely his female companion "After this hell you've put me through, you want to talk?"

Shinji began to walk, faster with every step, until he finally broke to a crazy run. Asuka followed him trying to get his attention.

"Shinji dammit!"

"You bastard!" he roared "I don't need an Eva! Stop messing with me!"

Asuka sprinted following the young man's crazy race, almost unable to keep up. It was like some strange demon had possessed his body, as he ran through the halls of NERV HQ shouting curses and insults to someone who wasn't there.

Shinji turned a corner and Asuka followed him, just to crash against a wall. The impact was so strong that she fell down. Growling in pain she looked up, wondering against what she had crashed. Her eyes widened in disbelief and surprise.

"AT-Field…"

* * *

Commander Fuyutuski frowned in frustration. Now this was ridiculous. After the Fallen had entered the room and was left alone as was her wish, she looked at the surveillance camera and smiled. Then, the image was gone. Having been there when Tabris has invaded Central Dogma, he understood that the monster had used its AT-Fiel to block the image. This was terribly annoying. They had no way of knowing what was happening inside the room. They were in the dark. For all he knew, the world could be getting doomed this very moment, and they could do nothing to prevent it. With Unit-01's pilot inside that field, the only weapon able to kill the Fallen Ones was out of commission.

Despite all that, the Commander allowed himself a little smile. After all, if one wanted to gain something, he had to take some risks. The bigger the wager; the bigger the gain. And, after all, if he failed, he didn't really have any reason to keep on living.

"Get something out of there." he ordered to the technicians "I want audio."

* * *

When Shinji entered the room, the only thought he had inside his head was smashing the face of whatever was inside it. It had entered his mind. Again. They kept entering his thoughts and attacking his brain, and he was fed up with it. He would destroy it, ignoring the fact that he was outside his Unit-01 and had no effective way of fighting it. However, when he entered the room, all his rage and will to fight disappeared, getting replaced by a wave of surprise and disbelief. He remained a few seconds looking at the occupant in the room, who just stared in his direction with a light smile in her lips.

"A-Ayanami…?"


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello! Well, here it is. ****I know my updating rate has dropped a bit. I received quite some messages informing me of that. For this, I'm awfully sorry. You have to understand, though. My schedule has changed, and I'm trying to adapt to it. Also, we are getting to the climax of the story, and I want these chapters to be the best I can offer you.**

**Okay, this one chapter was difficult to get done. I rewrote it three times, searching for the best way to put it. I hope you like it. Also, when you're done reading, I want you to answer honestly. Who saw this coming? XD Please, don't say I pulled this off my ass to surprise people, I left some clues during the previous chapter to help you deduce it. If you managed to, I guess I gave too many clues, and if I surprised you, I guess I did a good job XD**

**Remember to thank slicerness, my beta reader! He's awesome!**

**PD- I don't own Evangelion.**

22- ZIZ (III)

"A-Ayanami…?"

No… It wasn't her. The hair colour, the eye colour, even the skin colour. They were all wrong. But still, the similarity was stunning. The same facial structure, the same expression in her face, the same body builds. He had grown, so he couldn't be sure, but he could have sworn she was even the same height as Rei.

But he would be fooled. If that appearance made something it was angering him. How dare that… that _thing_ take the appearance of someone he had held so dear?

Oblivious (or ignoring) his expression, Ziz smiled warmly again.

"I think that's how you called Lilith's vessel." she said "I am glad you recognized its appearance even though the changes I made in it. I know you loved her. I took this form to show you I mean no harm."

Shinji said nothing, just gritting his teeth.

"Are you…? Are you not happy?"

Shinji's eyes shot up at the sound of those words. Happy? Happy?! _Happy_?!

With a feral growl Shinji closed the space between him and Ziz in the fraction of a second, grabbing her by the collar of her shirt, the shirt of that school uniform that brought back so many memories.

"Is this your sick idea of a joke?!" he screamed at Ziz's face "You come here, rub this appearance in my face and expect me to be happy?!"

"But…" Ziz stammered, her faint smile gone. She looked surprised "But the vessel…"

"Don't call her that!" Shinji roared "Everyone called her that! She was a human being, and she died alone because I did nothing to help her! So you shut the fuck up right now!"

"B-but…" Ziz stuttered. This was wrong! She never wanted this! This wasn't supposed to go like this! "B-but I… I…"

"I don't care." Shinji growled "Why are you here? You thought it would be funny to enter here and poke inside my head for a bit?"

"No!" now Ziz sounded anxious. Everything was going badly. If this kept going this way, he wouldn't listen to her "I just wanted your attention! I just wanted you to come here!"

Shinji said nothing, just freeing the Fallen One from his grip and looking at her like he would look to a dog turd he had just stepped on. Ziz pressed her lips together.

"Well, you succeeded. I'm here. Now give a reason to not get out of here and get inside Unit-01 to chew on your bones."

Ziz shuddered involuntarily. If the Bringer got inside Mother, she knew she had no opportunity of getting out of this alive. Unlike what the Lilim thought, the ones called Angels and her Family all had self-preservation feelings. They just were driven by something more solid that simple will.

"I… I just wanted to talk to you…"

"I bet you did" Shinji snorted "That's all you want, right? I have to listen. You say it, and repeat, and repeat, and repeat. You invade my brain, torture my mind and hurt those I love, all because 'I have to listen'. Fine. I'm listening. What the hell do you want?"

Ziz opened her mouth… And then shut it. What now? She had not assumed the Bringer would be so hostile, so aggressive. This made thing a lot more difficult.

"I…" Ziz started, before stopping herself. After a few instants she finally seemed to find a way to start "Do you know who we are?"

"Yes." Shinji said "The reverse side of the Dead Sea Scrolls calls you…"

"Not that." Ziz interrupted, finally seeming in a good place again "I know you know that. I am not talking about what that text says, but about who we are. About where do we come from."

Shinji didn't reply, which was enough answer. Ziz just sat on one of the chairs around the table that was in the middle of the room. After a few seconds, Shinji reluctantly imitated her.

"We are different from the Relatives, those you call 'Angels'. We were not born from the one you call Adam. Not directly; at least." Ziz stared directly into Shinji's eyes, filled with nothing less than absolute adoration "We would have been trapped forever inside the Hearts, had you not freed us. You brought us to life. You, with the help of Mother, gave birth to us. That is why we seek you. You must return to our side."

"I… created you?" Shinji muttered in disbelief "What are you…"

Ziz shook her head lightly.

"You did not create us. We were created within tubes and machinery, by people unable to understand what they were doing. We were created and locked up inside the massive artificial puppets that are the Beasts. There, we were subdued and bound to the will of the empty shells of the one you named Tabris. We were sent to battle the red Beast. So foolish. She stood no chance, never did, even with the help of the soul trapped in its Heart. And when we had finally resigned ourselves to be controlled forever…" Ziz smiled dreamily, as if she was recalling the happiest day in her existence "You happened. You appeared and called the Breaker of Shields, which you call the Lance of Longinus. The weak puppets that were our bodies were nothing against your will. They were nothing against Mother's will. With the imitation of the Breakers we were equipped with, you forced our bodies to stab their own Hearts. With that… You freed us. You saved us."

Shinji said nothing for a few seconds, trying to understand what he was just listened. If he was putting everything in its place correctly that meant…

"Then you are…"

Ziz nodded.

"Our Hearts, which you call 'Cores' are the ones that were inside what you called the Mass Production Evangelion." Ziz confirmed "When you brought what you call Instrumentality, we were freed from our prison. You saved us from a life of servitude. We were spared from a fate worse than dead. And when we thought we could not be more grateful, you gave us the possibility to develop our own bodies. You averted the Sea of LCL and gave everything that dwelled in it a chance to life. We were so happy when you did that. So grateful…"

Ziz had in her eyes that dreamy look again. Shinji, on his part, would have fallen to floor if he hadn't been seating on a chair. That meant… Did that mean he had been the one to…? Oh, God…

"After that, we were content. Mother was out our reach, as you were. It didn't really matter. You were suffering, but you were safe. You made your decision. But we were always here, watching over your work. Because our benefactor had sacrificed his chance to achieve an eternal happiness and bliss for the sake of the Lilim. The Bringer had given up his opportunity to find peace and rest just to give humanity a second chance. You were naïve."

Shinji said nothing, trying to cope with the enormous flow of information reaching his ears.

"The Lilim did not learn the lesson. They did not change. They did the same mistakes. Violence. Theft. Rape. Torture. Murder. Again, they wasted the precious present that was their life. That was when we realized the Lilim were not worthy of your compassion. The one that had freed and saved us had sacrificed his happiness for nothing. Our saviour, our liberator, our hero was suffering constantly _for nothing_."

Ziz face contorted in a grimace of absolute fury and hate.

"We were so angry. So disgusted. We decided then. No more. The Bringer would suffer no more. We would clean this planet. We would give the Bringer the chance to happiness he had missed. We would reunite with him. With us, he would be respected. He would be loved. He would be what he _deserved_ to be."

Shinji said nothing for a few minutes. For that reason? Also, why him? She had misunderstood everything. He never rejected instrumentality for any glorious reason. He was no hero, no saviour. This… This made no sense. No sense at all.

"But…" he blabbered, unable to create a coherent thought "That's… I…"

Ziz just smiled faintly, reaching for hand his hand she tried to grasp it.

"I understand that you feel confused." she said softly "It's perfectly normal. Just come with me. Come with us. We are family, Bringer. We are meant to be together."

Shinji didn't take her hand. He just seated there, his brain working at full speed. If he took that little hand, it was game over. Unit-01 was the only one able to nullify the Fallen One's AT-Fields. If he refused to pilot, humanity was done for. But then again, maybe it wasn't that bad. This world was a crap-shack anyway. As Ziz had said, he had hoped for a while. A fresh start. A new age. He had been naïve. Nothing had changed at all. Countries kept fighting each other, humans kept abusing each other. He had been forced to pilot again. The people he loved were still in mortal danger, even at this very moment. Everything was exactly the same as it has always been. Nothing had changed. Nothing ever changed.

_Of course it doesn't._ A small voice mocked him from the back of his head. It sounded strangely similar to that of his mother. _Why would it change? You've done nothing to ensure that. You keep telling yourself that you will eventually do things, say things. But you never do. You're the same you were five years ago, when you ran away because you were scared. Keep running away if you want. Let them destroy humanity, again. Come on. Just think what you will say to those you'll fail by doing so._

Shinji gritted his teeth. For the first time in years, he started clenching and unclenching his hand rhythmically. Was it really true? Would he suffer no more, if he followed Ziz? Would he finally be able to rest? Would he…?

I mustn't run away...

He was tired. So very tired. He was afraid, too. Afraid of fighting. Afraid of Unit-01, of the terrible presence that lurked in it and that had managed to take over him once. Afraid of dying, of getting hurt. Afraid of the ghosts of his past mistakes. Afraid of Asuka, and Misato, and Toji, and all those he had failed once. He was tired, and afraid, and…

I mustn't run away...

Did the Fallen Ones have the answer to his anguish? Did he really have to suffer so much? Did he really have to doubt so much? Was there another way for him, one that didn't involve pain, and fear, and loneliness? Was…?

I mustn't run away.

Maybe… maybe the Fallen weren't the bad guys. For all he knew, humanity had wounded him far deeper that any Angel or Fallen had managed. They had brought harm to a lot of people, people he loved but… Compared to what his father had put him through, compared to what Asuka had put him through, compared to what Eva had put him through; it was very little.

Shinji smiled lightly and looked at Ziz's eyes. Even if the colour wasn't right, they reminded him a lot of Rei. Rei Ayanami. He had never told anyone, but she had probably been the first woman he had loved as such. Then she died, because he had been too weak. Shinji craned his hand and caressed lightly Ziz's. Rei had died because he had been unable to help her. Asuka had destroyed herself because he had been too much of a coward to actually try to reach her. Asuka, and Misato, and Maya, and everybody had died once because he had ran away.

"I'm sorry." he whispered "I… What you offer me… I can't accept it. Not now. I've got… too many things to fix."

The girl in front of him almost didn't react. She just looked at his eyes.

"Are you sure?"

Shinji nodded. Ziz tightened her lips.

"Please…" she pleaded "Mother is the only one able to fight us. You cannot win this war alone. Please."

"I'm sorry."

"You will die!" the Fallen screamed in his face. She looked more troubled than angry "They not worth it!"

"I'm not, either." The young man smiled, still touching the girl's hand "I'm not like you think I am. I'm no hero, no saviour. I just… I can't fail them. Not again."

Ziz just narrowed her eyes, piercing him with her stare.

"Her."

"Huh?"

"You can't fail _her_ again." she hissed "At least say it the way you see it."

Shinji chuckled faintly.

"You may be right." Shinji finally let her go and got up "I'm sorry you came for nothing."

Ziz shook her head.

"It was not for nothing. I am different from my brothers and sisters. I… understand. You listened. You meditated. You choose. I cannot force you. I have a more developed mind that my siblings had. I… Understand, now. I think."

"I'm glad."

"I just… I have one request." She said "Will you hear me out?"

"Sure."

"I am not the last one. There are four more Hearts dissolved in the Sea of LCL. You… You will not survive this fight alone. Not with the will of Kozo Fuyutsuki against you. You cannot win a war against two enemies at the same time."

"You're probably right." Shinji agreed "But I have to. I'm done running away."

"Please…" the girl muttered "Let me help you. Please."

"First I want to know something." Shinji countered.

"What is it?"

"Were you really out of control when the MP Evangelions destroyed Unit-02?"

Ziz nodded.

"We were just another part of the Beast, one which provided life to it. They were willed by the frames of Tabris, inside what you call the Dummy Plug system."

"Promise me."

"I swear"

"If I ever discover that you've lied to me." Shinji said "I'll make you wish you were Leraje."

Ziz nodded vigorously, before flashing him a wide smile. And with that, the AT-Field surrounding the room disappeared.

* * *

Asuka was the first one to enter the room, being she had been just around the corner when the shield disappeared. She had been trying to sneak up since Shinji had left her sight. What she saw inside she almost fell of her butt.

"W-Wondergirl?!"

"No." Shinji answered "You can call her Ziz. She's… Well, it would take while to explain everything."

"That's…"

"Trust me Asuka. Please." Shinji insisted. He eyed the room a bit, before covering his mouth lightly with a hand and forming the word 'Later' with his lips. Asuka frowned, but nodded briefly nonetheless. Shinji smiled apologetically at her.

"Well, Ziz." he said "We should get going. I bet the Commander is _dying_ to talk with you."

The Fallen nodded with a smile and looked at Asuka. She narrowed her eyes lightly and glared at her. The redhead raised an eyebrow. That Ziz didn't like her? Why would that be?

"You want to come?" Shinji asked her "It may be interesting."

"Yeah." Asuka answered, still looking at the smaller girl "Sure."

* * *

Misato tried hard to close her gaping mouth, but it was not an easy task. If she understood correctly, Shinji was right now trying to talk the Commander into letting one of those… _things_ into the living quarters.

"This is a terribly unreasonable request, pilot Ikari." Fuyutuski said "They are the current enemy. You cannot be serious."

"But I am." Shinji retorted "Ziz has agreed in giving information and advice concerning the targets. Also, she has volunteered on some experimentation on her, as means to help us understand their biology. All she asks in return is the chance to stay here."

"Of course, you're pleading for her out of the goodness of your heart."

"My reasons for siding with her in this argument are of no importance." Shinji replied "You have two options. You either allow her to stay, in which case you gain information and help, or you can refuse, in which case you lose a pilot. So, which one will it be?"

Fuyutsuki frowned upon his words. That brat… He was becoming arrogant. He had to give in; everybody in the room knew so. But the Commander was aware that by doing so, he would lose face, even more so given that he had to give to the demands of Shinji '#1 wimp' Ikari. His kills and new attitude had been unable to clean totally his previous reputation. However, Kozo Fuyutsuki was not a man that gave much importance to reputation. The people would still obey him. Unlike Gendo, he would not endanger all his hard work over a stupid squabble against the Third.

"Fine." He said after a few seconds "She will stay. She will, however, be under surveillance 24/7. Her barrack's lock will be remotely controlled by our technicians. And she will begin her tests immediately."

Shinji said nothing, just turning around to look at Ziz, before nodding briefly. He then left the room without another word.

* * *

Asuka sipped noisily her cup of tea, eyeing her companion. Finally, she leaned back with a sigh, resting her back on the sofa and glaring.

"So?" she said "Going to say something?"

"Just give me a second." Shinji protested "I'm trying to get everything in order, okay?"

"I'm serious, Third" Asuka growled "After that little stunt you pulled off back there, I'm starting to doubt your sanity. Or what little of that is left."

Shinji said nothing for a few more seconds. He finally sipped on his own cup, frowning when he found the content to be already cold.

"How do I begin?" he wondered aloud. He then sighed "Well, I think I'll begin shortly after you disappeared after your problems with Unit-02…"


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello everyone! It's been a while… I'm awfully sorry I took this long to get this chapter done, but it was just impossible to finish it before. I'll try to resume a weekly schedule, but I can't promise anything.**

**Well, here is the chapter. I hope you like it.**

**Remember to thank slicerness, my beta reader, too!**

**PS- I don't own Evangelion.**

23- CONFESSION

"I… I didn't know where you were" Shinji said "I only knew that you were gone. I tried approach you, once, but you told me to leave. And I did. I ran away. I guess I was scared. That, if I actually helped you, we would become too close to be comfortable. I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

The young man sighed before continuing.

"Rei died, I knew it. She sacrificed her life so that I could live. I never asked her to do it. I hated her for doing it. You were gone and Misato was obsessed over discovering the truth Kaji had entrusted her with. She was the only person left in my world and she died. I guess you can imagine my surprise when I saw her the next day."

Shinji became silent for a moment, like recalling a long forgotten memory, before letting out a hoarse chuckle.

"I was an idiot. I couldn't understand it, no matter how much I tried to. Rei had died in front of me; that was without a doubt. To be honest, I also didn't want to understand it. As long as she was okay, I… I wouldn't have to be so crushingly alone. If Rei had managed to escape, if that horrible situation had been solved; maybe everything would end up alright. Maybe, just maybe, Misato would recover, you would return to us, return to…" Shinji stopped talking abruptly; biting his lip "I was a dumbass. Misato… Misato was gone. Her obsession in discovering why Kaji was gone was all she had left. She didn't care about herself, even less about me. She confronted Ritsuko and almost forced me to follow her to the depths of Terminal Dogma, where the most horrifying secrets of NERV lurked."

Shinji became silent once again, for a longer time. Just when Asuka opened her mouth to talk, the Third Child resumed his tale.

"It was… horrible. Like a horrible nightmare, conjured by some demented psyche. All those soulless eyes, all those stupid smiles, all those childish expressions… And Ritsuko killed them all just by pressing a button."

Asuka frowned lightly.

"She killed who?"

"Rei." Shinji answered "All of them. Dozens of Reis, ready to replace the current one if she happened to die. After that… After that, I was terrified of her. I didn't want to see her, or meet her, or talk to her. It was about that time that they said someone had finally found you."

Shinji said nothing about the state she was found in, but Asuka just _knew_ he had been told. The young woman said nothing and Shinji continued.

"They said… You were in no shape to pilot and send a replacement for you. You never actually met him, did you? Kaworu Nagisa."

Asuka shook her head. To be honest, she only knew the name. She never bothered to look for more information. She didn't want to know anything about the person sent to replace her because she was no longer useful.

Shinji just chuckled.

"He was… an odd one. Even to this day, I can't actually understand completely all the things he said, or did." Shinji sighed "Long story shirt, we became friends, he happened to be the last Angel, and I killed him."

Asuka looked at her companion and sighed.

"Shinji." she said. It was more than enough.

"He… I know it may sound strange, but I loved him." Asuka just raised an eyebrow "Yeah, laugh all you want. I'll wait until you're finished. I guess… I guess I was desperate. Rei was little less than a monster in my eyes, Misato was never home and you were in a coma. In all that enormous bag of shit, he came and offered his hand to me. And he may have been a little… Aggressive? But, for the first time in my life, somebody actually told me that I was loved. For the first time in almost fifteen years, somebody told me it was okay for me to exist. I… I was grateful. So I guess I just went with the easy option."

Asuka said nothing. Maybe because it was a bomb that fell too close to home. After all, she could understand the feeling of wanting to cling to whatever shred of good feelings you could get your hands to. She understood it all too well.

"In the end, he eventually revealed himself. He seized control of Unit-02 and went down, trying to reach Terminal Dogma. I chased him, fighting the controlled Unit all the way. I have to say, though. Your Evangelion was so damned persistent! As I was saying, I finally caught him in Terminal Dogma. He… Asked me to kill him. He said it was okay if it was me. And I did what I always did when somebody ordered my something. I obeyed."

Shinji got quiet again, before sighing.

"It all went even more downhill from here. I was devastated. I had killed the only friend I had with my own hands, and nobody gave a shit. After all, he was an Angel. He had to be killed. I hated it. I hated them all. And above everything else, I hated myself. For killing Kaworu. For letting Rei die. For letting you abandon yourself. For…"

Shinji looked at Asuka, hesitating at that part, before sighing.

"I visited you at the hospital. I wanted you to wake up. I wanted you to be with me. You were the only one who could understand how I felt. But you didn't. You kept silent, lifeless. I shook and yelled, but you didn't respond. In the struggle, your gown got off, and I saw your body. But instead of yelling at me and hitting me like you always did, you just lay there, like a fucking doll."

Shinji sighed again, before bringing a hand to his face and rub his nose.

"I loved you. I hated you. I hated loving you, and I hated hating you. You just lay there, so beautiful, yet so disgusting at the same time. I loved and hated your so much, and I could take it anymore. If you were going to stay there being a doll, then you would be doll, and I'd do whatever I wanted. I don't even know how, but it made sense at the moment. So I jerked off"

"You what?!" Asuka screamed before getting up. Shinji just looked at her, saying nothing. Trying to justify what he did was stupid. There was no justification, no excuse, nothing he could say justify what he did. Asuka knew that. And she also knew he wasn't done yet.

"As you could expect" Shinji continued after the redhead calmed down enough to sit down again "That backfired pretty hard. Now I hated myself even more than before. It was then that the JSSDF attacked. I didn't care. I'd just sit down and wait for them to kill me. Everything could go to hell for all I cared. Everybody should just die. Especially me. Misato, however, thought differently. She dragged my sorry ass all the way to NERV HQ. She got killed in the process, too."

Shinji got quiet again, looking like he doubted about adding something else, before he continued.

"Before that, though, she managed to stir whatever of my spirit was left to stir. After all, she said, you were still alive. You were still fighting. You needed my help. I had to save you. And then I got to the Eva cages and Unit-01 was there. Completely drowned in bakelite. That was the last straw. Fuck this, I thought. I sit down, and waited for death. A JSSDF found me, and were pretty eager to grant me my request. Unit-01 had other plans. It broke free of the bakelite, smashing the soldiers against the wall, its eyes glowing, looking directly at _me_. And boy, when a barely sentient super weapon thinks you're being pathetic that means you've just hit rock bottom. Fine, I thought. You all win. I'll fucking do it. I got inside Unit-01 and got outside NERV HQ. And you know what greeted my triumphal march? Unit-02's maimed body. It was completely unrecognisable; disembowelled, mutilated and torn to pieces, as those white fuckers just _grinned_. And then I knew it. Because I had been sulking you were dead. You had not sacrificed your life to take a foe. You weren't an Angel. You wouldn't recover, even if you carried sequels. You had fought, waiting for a help that never came. You had waked from your coma to fight another day. And because I had been totally unable to face the world you had died. There were no clones to bring you back. You were dead, killed off for real, and you would never return to me. I would never be able to apologize. I would never be able to see you laugh and boast and shout again. Never; because you were dead. And you were dead because I had been unable to get my head off my own ass."

Asuka recalled it, again. The horrible scream of someone who just had his sanity ripped off.

"I… I lost it. And then, it happened." Shinji smiled shockingly, as if the thought still scared him "Instrumentality. Everything is like a blur now, the facts getting merged with my own insanity. I remember getting asked if I wanted to get rid of this pain. And, as the anti-AT-Field spread across the globe, I was back at Misato's, at the time when we kissed."

Asuka said nothing, just raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"I guess that never actually happened. We talked, we screamed. I begged you to help me. You told me I only came to you when I had nobody else to go to. I told you that I wanted to be with you. You said that if you couldn't have me whole for yourself, you didn't want me at all. I beseeched you not to kill me. And you refused. Just like in that hospital room, you refused my pleas. I loved you as much as I hated you. I didn't want you to love me. I only wanted you to react to me. I could take your hatred. I could take your abuse. I could take anything you threw at me. But not your indifference. Not that look that said you felt absolutely nothing for me. Not that look that said that I was nothing more than furniture to you. You would acknowledge me. Nobody ever acknowledged me, but you _would_. You would love me or you would hate me as much as I loved and hated you. You would feel something, anything, for me because I wouldn't accept the alternative. I _couldn't_ accept the alternative. And I killed you."

Shinji said nothing for a while.

"That's why." he finally said "Why you woke up in that beach with me strangling you. Because you had that same look in you eyes. I wouldn't let you ignore my existence. And then you touched my cheek. I was here, and you knew it. You touched me, because I was there. I… I couldn't do it."

Asuka said nothing, before biting her lip lightly.

"Why did you leave?"

"Because I was scared." Shinji answered simply "Because now that I had cooled off, I knew I could take your hatred. I knew that if you hated me, I would just die. And I was too much of a coward to actually accept that."

After he said that, he fell silent. Asuka said nothing, either, and the two youths just thought for what seemed an eternity. Neither of them said a thing, and Shinji looked around. She was nowhere to be found. He tried to sharpen his ears, expecting to hear some snarky comment. Nothing.

So she was gone, huh? Shinji had expected that. After all, she had only been some ghost he had conjured, fuelled by his self-loathing, his paranoia and his lack of sleep. A hallucination that had taken form to torment him. Now that he had given another person the right to judge him, she was no longer necessary.

Asuka got up and told Shinji to do the same. The man complied.

"Okay, Third" she said "Now I'll leave. You will not try to talk to me. You will not try to contact me."

Shinji just nodded.

"When I've sorted out all your gibberish, I'll be the one to tell you. You got it?"

Shinji just nodded. Asuka hesitated a second, before bringing her fist back and punching him squarely in the jaw. Shinji stumbled backwards; feeling like a grenade had exploded inside his head, the sharp pain in his jaw blocking his senses. When he managed to clear his watering eyes, Asuka was gone.

* * *

"What do you mean 'Just thinking about it'?" Maya asked. Ziz sighed in frustration.

"I mean just that. It has no mystery. We just think about what we want to achieve with our form. That is enough."

Maya didn't answer. She was getting nowhere. Ziz had a body too similar to that of a human and couldn't give too much new information on the Fallen Ones. Also, what she had explained about how they were born… It made no sense.

"Really, doctor." the Fallen continued "It was the same way when the Lilim returned from the Sea, right? You just had to project the image in your soul for it to become physical."

"I guess you're right…" the scientist sighed "It's just… The more I study your kind and the Evangelions, the more it looks like magic. All this things about souls and will and all that… I'm just a computer programmer. I didn't know a thing about biology until I entered NERV."

Maya took a sip of her cup of coffee, before facing Ziz again.

"Are you… Are you the last one?" she asked.

Ziz shook her head briefly.

"No. Tabris was the last one of the Relatives because he had been restrained. After all, the Relatives are not original from this world."

Maya raised her hand.

"Okay. Leave it at that. I… The Angels are gone, and you said you're different from them. I just… Why is Unit-01 the only one able to destroy your AT-Fields?"

"Mother is different from the rest of the Beasts, she is different from us, different from our first bodies, even different from the relatives" Ziz smiled with pride "Mother is the closest being to those you called Adam and Lilith right now."

Maya frowned.

"How so?"

"By nature, the Beasts are beings superior to the Relatives. That is why they were able to destroy them, even without the Fruit of Life. Mixing the strength of Adam and Lilith and the will of their Lilim controllers, they were able of feats the Relatives could not. But Mother is above all of them."

"Why, because of the S² Organ? The MP had it, too; and they were unable to defeat Unit-02 until it ran out of power."

"Our former bodies were weak, pathetic." Ziz almost spat with disgust "Without the will of a Lilim inside them, they were mindless beasts. Also, the regeneration they could achieve was limited. Their Fruit of Life was artificial and incomplete. Their creators were in a rush. Mother… Mother is different."

Maya nodded, deep in thought. So Unit-01's S² Organ was different… Why? Ziz had said the ones inside the Mass Production Evangelion were artificial…

"Is it because Unit-01 developed its Engine by itself?"

Ziz nodded.

"Mother consumed the flesh, essence and power of one of the Relatives. The energy she received helped her create something her body had been forced to avoid. Her Fruit of Life… Is more than just something she took. It was created with the combined energy coming form a Relative and her own body. That is something not even us can do. That is why her Shield is so strong."

"I see." Maya massaged her temples "Then, if any Evangelion had done it, it would have been the same?"

Ziz shook her head again.

"I do not know. Maybe, maybe not."

"Are you tired, Ziz? It's night already."

"I am okay, I…"

"I haven't said a thing before because we were a bit too busy, but you look a bit giddy. Are you okay?"

"He's troubled." Ziz simply answered.

* * *

Shinji couldn't sleep. That wasn't new, of course but, for the first time, he wasn't being bothered by any kind of ghost or hallucination. The things keeping him awake were his own thoughts. Had he done the right thing? Sure, he felt Asuka had the right to know the truth but, at the same time, he was sure she was happier without knowing a thing. And he had pretty much dynamited his chances on a healthy relationship.

He was no fool. Asuka was now probably angrier that she had ever been before, and the redhead was not one to give forgiveness easily. He had gotten away with everything mostly because her pre-Third Impact memories were still a little blurry, and because she had been unconscious during the times he was at his lowest. He couldn't blame her if she ended up hating him. Damn, he hated himself, and Asuka was more prone to anger that he was.

Shinji let his thoughts drift to Instrumentality. The question Keel had asked him returned to his mind. 'Why?' Why, indeed. He had returned because he had realized he could attain real happiness in the worlds he had seen, but… Was a fake happiness that different from the real one? If he had been oblivious, would he even notice the difference? The one were he had been a regular child… God he had been so tempted by that one. His mother was with him; his father was a bit strict but loving; Asuka was his childhood friend; Rei wasn't some kind of bizarre experiment… Everybody was _normal_. No monsters, no Evangelion. Just normal worries; like school tests and girls. He had spent what seemed like an eternity just watching that world. He… He would have been happy there.

Instead he, choose to return. Now it didn't as good and idea. Right now, he even missed the ghost of the bandaged Asuka. At least, he would have someone to blame for his lack of sleep, someone to bend against. Someone, anyone, who wasn't himself and his own thoughts, crushing him in the distressing darkness of the room.

The night was long. Asuka didn't call him the next day. Neither she did the day after that.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello! Finally, here's the chapter… I want to apologize for the tardiness, but I have good news. I can finally resume my old weekly schedule. It's a promise. Next week, there'll be a new chapter.**

**To be honest, I can't say I'm satisfied with this chapter but it was the best I could get out. I just hope you like it and, if you don't, tell me so I can fix it in future fics. Also, the last part is based in a real world conversation. But… eh… Not mine. A friend. Yeah, that. A friend.**

**PD- I don't own Evangelion.**

24- DECISION

Right now, Shinji hated the decision he had made five years ago. He hated it more than he ever had before. When Asuka's ghost had been haunting him, he had felt his sanity slip away countless times. Or so he thought. Right now, with nothing else than his own thoughts, with none to take a form to confront him, he felt worse than ever.

It was a curious thing. What his own thoughts told him was a lot worse than anything that ghost of the past had said to him. He had thought that giving the burden of judgement to another person would help. It hadn't. His guilt hadn't subdued, getting worse by the minute. And, unlike some people thought, he was no masochist. He felt no perverse pleasure in his own self-torture. Also, he didn't think he deserved it. He deserved whatever punishment Asuka had thought for him. He was deserving of jail, torture, or even death. What he did was unforgivable but he had paid for it. He had paid with his innocence, his youth and a great deal of his sanity. He was no fool; he knew he would never be able to lead a normal life. He would always peek at the shadows, afraid of his own mind, waiting for something to happen. He had paid a high price for what he did, but he was pretty sure he didn't deserve his own mind destroying itself from within.

The sound of light footsteps broke his train of thought. Without the need of turning around, Shinji knew it was Ziz. The human-shaped Fallen One was the only one who, be it by lack of empathy or by bull-headedness, approached him in the last few days. Even if Shinji had said nothing, his friends knew he didn't want company. It was a vicious circle: the pilot couldn't stand company but, at the same time, being alone was driving him insane which made him despise closeness even more. The girl sat down by Shinji's side. The two of them shared a few minutes of silence, which was broken when Ziz talked.

"You are troubled." she said, obviously not asking. Shinji said nothing, just staring blankly ahead.

"You do not have to suffer, you know that." the Fallen One continued "You only have to say the word. Say that you have had enough and…"

"Stop it." Shinji interrupted her "You keep saying that every time you talk to me. I made my decision, and I'll stick to it."

"Even if it destroys your sanity?"

"Yes."

Ziz said nothing, biting her lower lip.

"I… I do not want to see you like this. It pains me. And I do not understand..." the girl said "Why would you accept this fate? Why would you suffer so? Why…"

"I already explained it." Shinji cut her "You know my reasons, and you know why I won't accept your offer… As tempting as it may be."

"But…"

"Look, Ziz. I've never stuck to a decision I've made. No matter what I thought or felt, I've always lived by the decisions of other people. But not this time. This is important.

"But…"

"I know you mean no harm. I know you only want what you think it's best for me." Shinji smiled lightly, before patting the Fallen One's head "But I can't accept it. Because if I did, I'd never forgive myself, no matter what reality you could create."

"But I…!"

"We've already talked about this, Ziz. You know I won't change my mind…"

"Well, I do not like it!" Ziz exclaimed, freeing herself from Shinji's touch. It was in moments like this that the Fallen One looked completely different from Rei "Why would you accept such a grim reality? For them? For her? Well, I will tell you! Even she hates this reality! Even she would have destroyed it if she had had the chance! But you did not, and now you are here, losing your grip on your sanity while that harlot hesitates to…!"

"Enough." Shinji cut her, his voice calm but firm.

Ziz opened her mouth again, only to close it an instant later. She knew the Bringer wouldn't change his mind. But that didn't mean she had to like it. But, to have his last string of hope and sanity tied to the whim of that woman… infuriated her. She was not worthy. None of them were. His word was the only thing keeping her from slaughtering them all. It…

Her train of thought was cut abruptly, before an emotion filled her. She knew. She understood. Time was running out.

* * *

Angry. I'm angry. We're angry. Why are we…?

Betrayal. Why? Treason. Why?

He listened. He understood. He refused. He betrayed. Why?

She explained. She insisted. She gave in. She betrayed. Why?

Why? Why? Why? Whywhywhywhywhy?

I don't understand. We don't understand.

I'm betrayed. We're betrayed. Why?

I won't accept it. We won't accept it.

Ours. Ours. Ours. Or nobody's.

* * *

Hikari Horaki was a resourceful woman, she was pretty sure of that fact. She had managed to leave the sea of LCL and re-start her life despite being an underage girl in a foreign country. She crawled her way into the Evangelion Program just to watch out for the man she loved. All of it without ever backing down. So it was understandable that this situation was inconveniencing her. Her best friend had spent the past few days without saying almost anything and usually spent hours just staring blankly ahead. Like she was doing at this very moment. The brunette snapped her fingers in front of her face, finally managing to get a reaction.

"What?" Asuka asked.

"What do you mean, 'What'?" Hikari answered "You've been staring at nothing for almost ten minutes. You've been doing this for almost a week. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You can't honestly believe I'll buy that."

"I told you it's nothing."

"I'm serious, Asuka." Hikari insisted "If something's wrong, I want to know."

"Nothing's wrong!" Asuka answered, a bit louder than she intended. She breathed to calm herself "It's just…"

Hikari sighed. Whatever it was, it looked important. Usually, Asuka would never think something through more than a few hours, and that was with really important things.

"Why won't you tell me?"

Asuka said nothing.

"It's just… Complicated..." she finally said "But I guess you're right. This isn't like me. And it isn't like I don't know what to do. I guess I knew from the start."

"What?"

Asuka didn't answer, just getting up and leaving the room.

* * *

Ziz walked hurriedly through the Nerv's corridors, knowing she was already late to the appointment she had his Maya Ibuki. Oh, how she despised her! How vexing the procedures were! The woman failed to realize she was dealing with a being that escaped her comprehension; she was unaware that the only thing maintaining her alive was the graciousness of the Bringer's heart. A graciousness that could easily disappear at any moment.

Yes, even if the Bringer himself wasn't aware of it, she could feel his willpower weakening. It wasn't a surprise. A lesser man would have given in a long time ago. The Bringer had endured more than any being should, for longer than any being should. That was another thing Ziz admired from him. All his life, the Bringer had been a weak pathetic individual, someone worth of pity and mockery. A lesser man.

However, when the need had arisen, when everything was absolutely lost and everything worth fighting for had died, he stood up. When everybody surrendered, seeking comfort; when all he loved had died, he raised his voice. When his will could have created infinite realities and give him what he desired, he called bullshit. And the best thing was that he didn't even realize. He was sure he had made the decision out of sheer selfishness.

Now, however, Ziz felt like smiling. Soon enough, soon enough all would be over. The Bringer's will would fail him, and he would seek her. It would be a happy moment. Even if the Bringer managed to maintain his façade, the Lilim were doomed. She had felt it. Her Brothers were awakening, were preparing. They would succeed were the previous ones had failed. Either way, that worthless scum, that cancer called the Lilim would die. And justice would be served. Because the Bringer had suffered. The Bringer had chosen pain over his own happiness to save them... and they spat in his face. Wasted his sacrifice.

While the Bringer was a nice guy, the Fallen Ones sure weren't.

And her brothers were about to make that fact known to the world.

* * *

Shinji got up from his sofa when he hard the knocking on his barrack's door. He walked to the door, opening it only to find Asuka looking at him. The male pilot said nothing, just moving out of the way so she could enter. The redhead looked hesitant at first, like she was still thinking about something, until she finally decided to sit down. Shinji did the same, grabbing a chair and sitting in front of her.

"I…" Asuka hesitated, looking as she was still trying to figure out what to say "I can't forgive you for what you did. What you did was terrible. All of it. And you basically killed me with your inaction. I really can't forgive you for that. But, at the same time, I can't hate you for it."

Shinji said nothing, just looking at her, waiting for her to finish.

"We… We're not kids anymore, Shinji" she continued "I think we can now discuss things like adults, without throwing tantrums and being stupidly childish. I just… I want you to know that I don't hate you. I know what you did, and I think I understand why you did it. I can't hold a grudge against you for it."

Shinji said nothing, just staring at her, before parting his lips.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why can't you hold a grudge against me? You have all the right."

Asuka bit the inside of her cheek. Of course he would ask. Well, if she wanted to prove she had matured, this was the time.

"Because if I had been in your situation; I would have done the same. If you had been the one lying in that bed, I would have abused you. If I had been in your place, I would have also waited for death to take me. I did it, before. When I thought I couldn't pilot any more, I abandoned myself. You know that. I would have died out sheer neglect if NERV hadn't found me. I would have died because I had no reason to live. And I would have abused your body, because I was broken and hated you with passion and still I was drawn to you."

"I hated everything you were, everything you represented. You were meek, wimpy and a doormat, yet you scored more kills than me, you reached a higher synchronization. You wanted to live outside NERV's shadow. I hated everything about you, and I even hated more the fact that I couldn't hate you properly. Because you would do something, say something that would lead me to think there was life outside Eva. And Eva was all I knew. You scared me, and I hated being scared. Still, I was drawn to you. To that little hope that maybe, just maybe, there was something more than Eva."

"That's why. Why I can't hate you for what you did. Because hating you for what you did meant I had to hate myself, too. And I'm tired of doing that. I've hated myself for more that fifteen years. I eventually grew tired of it."

Asuka shrugged.

"That's it. I guess… I guess we were just two broken teenagers, too scared of everything to actually try to make a difference."

The two of them said nothing for a while, until Shinji spoke.

"What about now?" he said "Do you still hate me?"

"No. I don't." Asuka raised her eyes "And you? Do you still hate me?"

Shinji shook his head. Asuka seemed to ponder over something. She opened her mouth, before closing it. She repeated the process a few times before talking.

"Do…" she hesitated "Do you still love me?"

Shinji said nothing, like had had been expecting that question.

"I can't believe you asked me that."

"One of us was going to ask it sooner or later."

"I guess you're right."

"You haven't answered my question."

Shinji just sighed.

"What if I said I do? What if I said I still love you?"

"Then we have a problem." Asuka answered.

"We do?"

"Yes" the German said "Because I just have no clue about what one has to do in a healthy relationship."

"Me neither" Shinji said "To be honest, I've got zero dating experience. In fact, I've only been kissed once. And _someone_ held my nose closed."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"…"

"… This is awkward..."

"Yes. Yes it is." Asuka replied.

"…"

"…"

"… Can I kiss you?"

"About damn time you made your move, Third child." Asuka growled, grabbing his collar and leaning forward, ever so slowly, getting closer inch by inch "It only took you _five years._"


	25. Chapter 25

**As I promised, here's this week's chapter! I have to say, this one was difficult. It's pretty hard writing a light-hearted chapter like this after all that horrible angst.**

**And just like this, we enter the final arc of this fic. It won't be long now until the end!**

**Yeah, and remember to thank slicerness for his beta reading!**

**PD- I don't own Evangelion.**

25- US

"… And we were pretty awkward around each other for the next couple of weeks, but it wasn't that bad." Misato finished "After all, we were pretty drunk, so the memories were kind of fuzzy. And that's all, I guess. Any questions?"

"Yes. Just one." Shinji answered, his voice a bit strangled "_Why?_"

"Why what?"

"Why… everything!" Shinji exclaimed. "How did you connect what I just told you with _orgy parties_?!"

"Well, I thought that if you and…"

Shinji cut her raising his hand.

"Don't. Just… Don't." he sighed. "I mean. It's bad enough you gave me The Talk. I don't even know how it degenerated to… to that. I don't need the Talk at this age! I'm twenty!"

"But you ran away when you were fifteen. I thought you might need it."

Shinji opened his mouth just to point out how many things were wrong with she just said but closed it before saying anything. It was hopeless. Shinji and Misato remained silent for a few minutes.

Right now, and despite himself, Shinji was picturing in his mind what Misato had told him in all the graphic and disturbing details. The older woman took a sip of her beer.

"So…" Misato finally said "Have you two…?"

"Misato!" Shinji exclaimed, blushing. "We just kissed yesterday!"

"And your point is?" Misato shrugged "You said it. Neither of you are kids anymore. You're both adult, with adult needs. It's useless to try to beat around the bush. If you keep this UST game, someone is going to get shot,"

Shinji sighed.

"Misato, I came for advice. I didn't come for Sex Ed." the young man said "I'm trying to have a healthy relationship for once."

"And you're asking _me_ for that kind of thing?" Misato said, raising an eyebrow.

"You're the closer thing to a responsible maternal figure I've ever had in my life." Shinji said. "It makes sense I ask you."

"Well" Misato said, sipping her beer again "I guess you should take her on a date. A real one, on the surface. You know, movie, dinner."

"And what should we talk about?"

Misato chuckled.

"The same things you talk about normally."

"You expect me to act as if nothing happened?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I mean, besides the obvious, what has changed? I think you give things too much thought. Just change the little things. You know, instead of walking next to each other, go arm to arm. Say something corny and stupid if you feel like it. Honestly, if you think too much about what to say, you're going to ruin everything. Just… Just let it flow, I suppose."

Shinji nodded slowly.

"That's surprisingly wise coming from you."

"Yeah, screw you."

Shinji chuckled and smiled at her former guardian.

"Thanks, Misato."

The woman raised her beer in a mock cheer.

"You're welcome. Now let's pray to see a lot of little Shinjis and Asukas running around the base."

"Misato!"

* * *

Not separately. Not in group. Mother will slay us either way. The Bringer will slay us either way.

How? How can we best Mother? How can we bend the Bringer to his knees?

How can we fight? How can we win?

I see. We see. Not one. Not me, but us. Not us, but me. Not four, but one. Not one, but four.

Together, like a family. That's what's important. Not me, but us. One is four. Four is one.

Yessss.

* * *

Asuka Langley Soryu was not a patient person; she would never claim such a thing. Her fuse was short. Very short. Which made this whole process the more infuriating.

"Asuka and Shinji, sitting…"

The glare Asuka sent in the direction of the voice had enough venom to kill small animals, which was answered with a giggle.

"Real mature, Hikari." she growled "What are you, ten?"

Hikari said nothing, just flashing her that shit-eating grin of hers. It was all Shinji's fault. And Hikari's. And Mari's. It wasn't hers, obviously. She only asked Hikari for a few tips because she was the person with the most stable relationship in the base. But that didn't mean…

"But it's so cute!" Hikari gushed "Look at you! You're like a thirteen-year old girl going on her first date. It's adorable!"

"Fuck. You." Asuka growled throwing the blouse she was holding to the floor, where it reunited with a pile of discarded clothes.

"And besides..." Hikari added, still grinning "It's not like I'm the one who's spent one hour in front of the wardrobe…"

"I haven't…" Asuka started, before looking at her watch. She sighed "This is stupid"

"Just relax already!" Mari exclaimed "It's just a movie, for God's sake!"

"It's not tha… And why are you here?"

Mari shrugged.

"Well, I can't possibly tap dat ass anymore, so I guess I'm going to have a little fun at your expense."

"I hate you." Asuka growled "I hate you both. It's your fault. You're the ones blowing this out of proportion."

"You kissed him." Hikari pointed out.

"That's…"

"You French-kissed him." Mari added "You took that little face of his and sucked it like a popsicle."

Asuka grimaced.

"You're disgusting."

"I calls em like I sees 'em." She replied simply.

Asuka sighed.

"What about this dress?"

Before Hikari could give her opinion, Mari chipped in.

"You're _boring_!" she said "Show him some flesh!"

"I can't do…"

"Didn't you go around in short-shorts and baggy t-shirts?" Hikari said.

"That's… How do you know that?!"

"Toji told me." Hikari shrugged "I guess Shinji explained it to him."

"Poor Shinji." Mari sighed "Living with you and Misato at the same time. Both of you flashing him with your kinky outfits, and the poor boy unable to play Karate Kid…"

"Karate Kid?"

"Wax on, wax o-"

"That's a terrible pun."

"What about jeans?" Hikari said "They let you show off your legs without having to show skin."

"Defiling himself..."

"I suppose you're right… But isn't that a bit bland?"

"Disobeying the Pope..."

"I don't think so." Hikari assured her "He's seen you in your plugsuit, after all. No matter what you wear, nothing you wear can beat that."

"Thanks a lot." Asuka said, voice dripping with sarcasm "I feel _so_ much better now."

"Cocking his shotgun..."

Asuka and Hikari finally got quiet, looking at their fellow pilot.

"…He couldn't masturbate, I was trying to say"

Asuka felt her eyebrow twitch as she resisted the urge to tear her closet door off it's hinges and beat her LCL addicted teammate.

* * *

Ziz played with a spoon in her barrack. She didn't need nourishment in the classical sense of the word, but she found those devices fascinating. In addition, today she was in a good mood. Sure, the Bringer was going on a 'date' with that _harlot,_ whatever that meant, but, for once, he seemed to be in a good mood. And, as long as the Bringer was happy, she was happy.

That wasn't however, the only reason she was in a good mood. After all, right now, the Bringer's blessing was temporary. Only through them, would the Bringer receive the happiness he deserved. Only then would be really happy.

The Fallen One felt a minimal sting of remorse. After all, she had promised the Bringer not to harm the people around him. Sure, she wasn't the one who was going to harm them _directly_ but a sin from omission was still a sin. She, however, crushed that feeling like it was a fly. The end justified the means, she was sure of it, and the goal she was pursuing required a bit of deception.

With a little smile, she let the spoon fall to the floor. Finally, her brothers had found a way to best mother. It was risky, and not a hundred percent sure to work, but it was the best shot they had left. The Bringer… He would come with them. He would be one of them.

"Just a few more hours" she whispered to herself. Just a bit longer. Only a little bit.

Tonight. Tonight everything ends.

* * *

"You… You look good" Shinji said.

Asuka just raised an eyebrow, smiling to herself.

"Of course I do." she finally said, hiding her embarrassment pretty well "I always do."

Shinji said nothing, just scratching the back of his head.

"Mmmh… Yeah… Yeah, you do."

"Seriously, Third." the young woman sighed "I thought you had fixed the little problem of yours."

Shinji finally huffed.

"Well, _excuse me._" he said "Next time I'll make sure not to compliment you, so to avoid offending your sensibility."

"Funny." she deadpanned. She then offered her arm "Let's go."

Shinji hesitated for a second, before smiling faintly, and compelling.

* * *

All or nothing. All or nothing. The last time.

Now, now we are. I am. Finally… Done, done. Yes, the Placenta, yes.

Now, now we will take the last steps. I'll take the last steps.

Ours. Mine. Mine. Ours. Or nobody's.

Soon… Soon it's over.

* * *

"I still can't believe you've taken their side!" Asuka fumed, as she flung herself on the sofa. Shinji sighed again.

"I'm not taking anyone's side…"

"You should take mine!"

"You punched a guy in the face!" Shinji protested "How was I supposed to win that argument? Of course the kicked us out of the cinema!"

"He touched my butt!"

"You broke his nose..." Shinji pointed out, walking towards the kitchen.

"You should have been the one to do it!" the young woman protested "Don't you have any pride?!… What are you doing?"

"Well, our date is pretty much ruined, so I thought I could fix us some dinner. So we can actually _do_ something today." He responded sarcastically

"You're an ass." Asuka growled. After a few minutes of silence, broken only by the sound of Shinji working in the kitchen, she finally spoke again.

"I guess that's us, isn't it?" she sighed "No matter what we do, one of us ends up screwing up."

In the kitchen, Shinji remained silent for a few seconds.

"I guess you're right" he finally said "But, for once, I don't feel like running away. I guess we'll just have to make it work the hard way."

To his surprise, Asuka laughed. Unlike usually, it wasn't mocking or offensive, but clean and pure. A laugh that was born very inside her. Shinji knew at that moment that he would kill and die a million times over just to hear it again.

"Since when are you the determined one?"

"I'm not" he simply answered "You are the determined one, the one who doesn't surrender. But it's okay to lean on me every now and then. I… I want you to know I'm here for you. Always."

"That's… corny."

"I know."

The young woman said nothing for a few more minutes, until Shinji appeared with two steaming plates wearing a disgusted expression.

"How can you live off this crap?" he demanded "There's almost nothing in you kitchen!"

"Oh, shut up" she growled "What are you, my mother?"

"Well, if I was you sure would talk back like that, you rude woman!"

"Bite me Third." she retorted "You don't even know what a mother's supposed to do"

"Yeah, like you are any better."

They suddenly got silent, realizing what they were doing. Joking about dead mothers. Joking about what had scarred them the most, scarred them for the rest of their lifes. Shinji looked at his companion and smiled. Asuka frowned.

"Stop smiling like that. You look like a rapist."

Shinji swallowed a laugh before retorting.

"Well, it _was_ a pretty good punch..."

"See? Now we're getting somewhere! We'll make a man out of you yet..."

A few hours later, Shinji looked at his watch, narrowly avoiding a curse.

"Holy…! Look at the time!" he exclaimed "It's almost three in the morning!"

"Is it?" Asuka said without averting her gaze from the TV.

"Yeah…" the young man said, getting up. "I… I suppose I should go"

"Is that so?"

"Yeah…" Shinji said, taken a bit aback from her response. Sure they hadn't been cuddly or anything during the evening, but it had been a pretty warm dinner. What…?

"You…" she hesitated a moment "You don't have to leave, if you don't want to"

"What are you talking about? Of course I have, I…"

He shut his mouth, seeing her red face. He put two and two together.

"Ah."

Asuka narrowed her eyes but said nothing. Her message, however, was pretty clear. 'You really should come up with something better, Third'.

"I… I g-guess you're right, right? I-I mean…" Shinji stuttered "I-it's not like I l-live so fa-far and huh… heh…"

"Shinji" Asuka cut him "Shut up"

"Yes ma'am" the young man obeyed, sitting at her side. He couldn't however, avert his gaze from the floor. Every cell from his brain yelled at him to look up, to move, to do something; but him body wouldn't respond, leaving him paralyzed. He couldn't even tell if he was scared, excited or what.

"Shinji." Asuka said, her voice softer than the male pilot had ever heard. "Look at me."

He did, trying desperately to found something to say. Anything, but he was unable to articulate a coherent thought.

"I…" he began, totally clueless as to what to say after that, but Asuka's hand on his cheek shut him up. It was warm, Shinji noticed. It was very warm, and very soft. He leaned forward, grabbing that hand. His lips touched hers, briefly, before an animalistic hunger overcame his senses.

He trapped her lips fully with his own, sliding his free hand along the back of Asuka head, intertwining his fingers with the long locks of red hair. He hadn't realized both of them had opened their mouth, their tongues playing with each other, caressing, tickling.

After what could have been an eternity, or maybe just a few seconds, Shinji separated himself from the redhead, breathing heavily.

"Asuka…" he gasped "I…"

He left this unsaid, just leaning forward and kissing her again.

And then it all went to hell.


	26. Chapter 26

**Here is the new chapter! It suffered a bit of a delay, though. Sorry about that. Also, I think I've fixed the formatting problem on the previous chapter. Well, not much to say this time.**

**Thanks slicerness for his beta reading.**

**I don't own Evangelion.**

* * *

26- LUCIFUGE

"Okay, keep it low." Misato said over the comm "We know nothing, and Ziz is nowhere to be found, so that thing may be up for a nasty surprise. I want all of you to… Shinji, what's wrong?"

"I'm going to _rip it apart with my bare fucking hands_." the pilot growled.

"I… see. You look enthusiastic" Misato answered, a bit surprised by the answer. She smiled "What's the matter, you get cock-blocked by the attack or something?"

Shinji said nothing, only shifting uncomfortably in his cockpit. A heavy silence filled the room, something pretty strange given the fact that there was a Fallen One getting birthed in the surface.

"…Asuka?"

The female pilot didn't answer. Before any other pilot (or staff member) was able to add anything to the one-sided discussion, Misato spoke.

"Right. Sure. Whatever. Don't care." she blurted "Just… Okay, I guess it's good motivation, and stuff. Just don't get killed, okay?"

"I guess there's no more Kara…" Mari began, before her words were muffled by the sound of the Evangelions getting launched to the surface.

Inside Units 06 and 07, put in stand-by, Kensuke turned his head. even if he couldn't actually see the face of the former Class Rep.

"You know… We were always joking about that, but I never thought it'd actually happen."

"…"

"What?"

"You're an idiot."

* * *

"What does she mean, 'no more Karate Kid?'" Shinji asked in the open channel. Mari opened her mouth, but Asuka beat her to it.

"Believe me, you don't want to know." she said "And, by the way, you could have worked better in your front"

"Why?" Toji said "I found it hilarious."

"And cute." Mari added "Now that we're talking about that… What are your thoughts on threesomes?"

"E-excuse me?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah, threesomes. Menage-a-trôis" she explained "What are your thoughts on it. I mean, would you hit it with some big-breasted, glasses-wearing hottie?"

"What?" Asuka roared.

"If you do that and don't film it for me to see, I'll kill you, Shin-man." Toji said in a dead serious tone.

"I'll tell Hikari!" Asuka exclaimed.

"Actually, I heard that." the former Class Rep said "You were in open the whole time"

"H-honey…" Toji began to try and defend himself but was cut off.

"You shut up. We'll talk about that later."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Wha-pish!"

"Shut up, Kensuke."

"…Threesome?"

"Don't even dream about it, Third."

"Wouldn't that be the best way to pop his cherry?"

"I knew he was a virgin! He was fucking with us in the boat!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

* * *

"Aren't we going to stop them, ma'am?" one of the bridge bunnies said.

"No." Misato answered, covering her mic so she would be heard "It's alright. They are nervous, as always. Let them be. As long as that sphere doesn't open, we…"

As if it was mocking her words, the gigantic black ball that floated on the surface cracked open, covering the streets of Berlin of blood once again.

And, hiding behind her AT-Field. Ziz smiled.

* * *

Shinji gasped, all the silly arguing long forgotten. The creature that had been released stood up, covered in blood. It was a horrible bipedal abomination, rising taller than an Evangelion and at least twice as bulkier. It was difficult to describe his appearance, since its skin kept changing shape, texture and colour, like it was boiling constantly. The Eldritch monster took a shaky step, directing what seemed its head towards Shinji's direction; four black holes appeared and stared at him. A deafening gunshot sounded through the city and the creatures head jerked back, as a truck-sized sniper rifle round hit it neatly. The monster however didn't even take a step back, moving its head back into position.

Shinji's eyes widened as the bullet simply fell to the floor. The monster looked at Shinji again, who was aware something was being shouted at him over the comm, but was unable to avert his gaze from his foe. Something was off about this one.

A new black hole appeared in its face, this one where his mouth should have been. And, with a deafening shriek, Lucifuge sprung to action. Bending his knees lightly, the monster jumped, just as a new round hit passed through where he had been an instant before. The Fallen One landed in front of Unit-04, putting its hand on the chest armour almost gently and, before Toji could even move, the Evangelion was sent flying, describing a perfect arc in the air, before falling and knocking untold amounts of money into debris. A pained scream was heard over the comm.

"What the hell was that?" Misato screamed.

"The AT-Field, ma'am." an operator said. Misato turned around to glare at Maya.

"Are AT-Field supposed to be that?"

"I… Don't really know." she confessed "I know I'm the expert, but compared to what doctor Akagi knew…"

Misato cursed and grabbed her mic.

"Fall back!" she said "I want you to retreat and regroup, now!"

Over the screen, she watched the Evangelion retreating, as Unit-04 managed to get up and join them. The Fallen One made no motion to follow them, just staring at them.

* * *

"You okay, Toji?"

"More or less." the young man wheezed "I'm a little out of breath. It felt like he had smashed a hammer against me."

"Misato!" Asuka called "What the hell was that?"

"Its AT-Field." the Major answered "We don't really know how, but it's using it as a weapon… You have to attack him with ranged fire."

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Mari retorted, no longer cheerful "I didn't expect it to die, but I shot it in the face and it didn't even flinch!"

"We're acquiring heavier weaponry right now. I just need you to distract it for a few minutes…"

"Yes, no problem at all!" Asuka exploded "A few minutes? Don't you want us to pick up your laundry now that we're here?"

"Sarcasm won't help us, Asuka."

"Asuka's right." Shinji said "That thing sent an Evangelion flying almost without touching it. And you want us to distract it, how? Let it make us fly for a bit?"

"Look, just keep shooting it, so it can't move a lot and we'll…"

"Son of a bitch!"

Shinji turned his Evangelion towards the noise, only to find Lucifuge just a few hundreds of meters away from them, having managed to sneak up on four Evangelion without being noticed.

"How…" he started, before another curse cut him.

Lucifuge had raised its arm, with sprung forward like a snake, reducing the distance in a fraction of a second, grabbing Unit-04 by the face.

"Dammit!" Toji roared, aiming his assault rifle forward blindly and firing "Leave me alone!"

Shinji raised his own weapon, releasing a hail of bullets in the monster direction, just the same as Asuka, while Mari fired as fast as the sniper rifle mechanism allowed her. However, an octagonal shiled of light appeared in front of Lucifuge, repelling the assault.

The monster recalled its arm dragging Unit-04 with it, before lifting the cyborg like a rag doll and throwing it. Before it could fall, Lucifuge's eyes glowed for an instant and an energy beam was shot through them impacting directly against the Evangelion.

Over the comm, Shinji could hear Toji's pain scream as the LCL practically boiled him. Unit-04 fell heavily on the floor, its armour half melted, as Toji gurgled in pain.

"Dammit!" Shinji growled, before starting to run towards the monster, while firing at the same time "Asuka, cover me!"

"What?"

The young man didn't answer, just ducking to avoid an expanding arm and following with a high jump to land on the monster. He heard sound of gunfire, as the bullets flew all around him. With a scream, he deployed his AT-Field, trying to destroy the monster's. Lucifuge countered strongly, the strength of its shield surprising him and almost sending him flying. He, however, stood strong, feeling the monster's Field flinch as he pressed harder.

Finally, Lucifuge gave in, allowing Shinji to throw a punch aimed at the core that was in the creature's chest. The Fallen One recoiled, just before Shinji caught a glimpse of something that froze his blood. Under the bubbling skin, Shinji managed to peak at what looked like a second core, just under the one he just attacked. Shinji was about to say something, but the monster beat him to it by launching a bunch of spines out of its skin, nearly impaling Unit-01. Shinji jumped back, rolling on the floor as to avoid another stretching arm.

Shinji cursed, realizing that this one wasn't about to try to reason with him.

"Misato!" he screamed when he felt he was at a safe distance "That thing had another core in it!"

"What?" was the answer he got "Are you kidding me?"

"I don't think we can dance this one to death." Asuka commented. Shinji allowed himself a little chuckle.

"Thank God." he said "I can take a horrible and painful death, but I don't think I could handle wearing that outfit again. How's Toji?"

"Alive." Asuka responded simply. "He's still conscious, but he isn't getting up anytime soon. Mari's guarding him."

"Good…" Shinji stood silent a few seconds. Lucifuge was still again, like he was taunting them to come to him.

"Asuka…"

"I don't like how that sounds."

"I'm going to… do something reckless." Shinji said "I need you to cover me."

"What? Are you going all Kharn on me again?"

Shinji didn't hear her, as his conscience expanded towards the beast, the familiar sensation at the back of his head returning.

* * *

I knew you'd come back.

Shut it.

Can't do shit without me, can you? What some disinhibition again?

I'm not here for you.

So what are you here for? You can't do this by yourself.

I know.

…Excuse me?

I said I know I can't do this by myself. I need your strength. All of it. But I don't need you.

That's…

I'm counting on you, Mom.

_Give them hell._

* * *

He won't make it.

_You can't know that_.

You're confidence in him is stupid. You're scientist. What he's trying to do isn't physically possible. It was hopeless the moment Unit-04 went down.

…

You're me, I'm you. You see what I see. Four cores in one body. All of them have to be destroyed simultaneously. And we only have three Evangelions. How are they supposed to win?

_Shinji will think of something._

I bet he will. I also bet you already know the solution, right? You're going to give him the strength he needs. And then what? Not even this body can take that thing on.

_I find your lack of faith disturbing._

Don't quote on me. I'm serious. I don't want him to die. I don't care what he or you think. I like him a lot. He tried to understand me. Not you, but _me_. I don't want him to die. You'll kill your own son.

_He'll be okay._

Why do you think that?

_Because he's still alive. Because no matter what has happened to him. He's still alive, and he's still a good man. He destroyed the world just to give him another chance. He'll believe it was for selfish reasons until the day he dies, but he still did it. When he was at his lowest, when he lost everything, when the whole world had smitten him, he found the strength to save it. That's why he'll outlive all of us. Because that's what he does._

… I don't want to die, either.

_Silly thing. We were never supposed to survive this._

* * *

Unit-01 roared.

"Now, Asuka!" Shinji screamed, dashing forward and unsheathing his progressive knife. Asuka, an assault rifle in each hand, took aim.

"Don't order me around, Third!" she roared, unleashing a hell of gunfire towards the unearthly abomination "Mari, help me out!"

"Roger!" following that word, the loud snipping fire echoed the automatic bullets.

Lucifuge's AT-Field rose, stopping the rounds, but was unable to move in time to stop Unit-01, who tackled it. Lucifuge shrieked again, as it felt the knife dig deep in his side. It grabbed the Evangelion's head, its eyes glowing again, only to have his aim thrown off by a sniper round that found its way to his head. The energy beam missed its intended target, instead obliterating a neighbourhood.

Unit-01 struggled, managing to kick the monster off and taking advantage of the fact that Lucifuge had to maintain its AT-Filed elsewhere to stop the gunfire being shot at it, Shinji willed his purple behemoth to stab the monster's core.

Lucifuge liberated an horrifying scream, before an impossibly strong force, shot Unit-01 away, making it roll away like a stone, demolishing a quarter of the city they were battling on. Lucifuge screamed again, getting up and the gunfire finally stopped. Three cores bubbled out of the skin around the damaged one, which was repaired with a faint glow.

"You've got to be kidding…" Asuka gasped. Lucifuge ignored Units 02 and 05, instead focusing its glare on Unit-01 as it got up shakily.

"Oh.... fuck."


	27. Chapter 27

**Well, here's this week's chapter. This one is pretty long.**

**Now, I want to say a few things:**

**First, please don't kill me. If you kill me, you won't get the next chapter :-D.**

**Second, we're almost done. And by almost done, I mean there are only one chapter left, and the epilogue. So, yeah.**

**Third, thank slicerness for his beta reading. You know how much this story improved since he took over the corrections.**

**And last, and before you lynch me… **_**I know.**_

**I don't own Evangelion.**

* * *

27- HOPELESS

Shinji tried to jump back, but Lucifuge was faster than him, catching up to Unit-01 with ease and backhanding it with such strength that sent the purple Evangelion flying. Shinji growled in pain as Unit-01 rolled heavily on the floor, before catching himself and getting up with a jump, Unit-01 mimicking his anger with a growl.

Shinji roared and rushed forward, ducking at the last second to avoid a stretching arm and connecting with an uppercut to the monster's jaw. Lucifuge's head shot back, the creature falling back a step giving Shinji the time to connect with a straight kick to the stomach. Lucifuge retreated another step, but didn't fall. Its eyes flashed for the fraction for a second before he shot an energy beam out of them, which Shinji managed to avoid at the last instant, but cost him one of his shoulder pillars.

With a shift movement, Unit-01 changed the hand holding the prog knife, before digging it to the hilt in the Fallen's flesh. Lucifuge screamed again and grabbed Unit-01's head, flinging it over its own head and throwing it like it weighted less then a pebble. Shinji screamed in pain when he reached the floor, his impossibly high synchronization making him feel like he had fallen from a building.

"Misato!" he gasped "How long?"

"Almost done!" the Major answered "Start moving towards B-13!"

Shinji obeyed, and he saw his fellow Evangelion doing the same, running towards the district that had the fake building with their new weapons in them. Without bothering to wait for the hatch to open, Shinji tore through the shield and grabbed a positron rifle with his hand. He grimaced; he had wanted something with higher fire cadence, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Where's…?"

A rage filled scream answered his question as Lucifuge broke the grenade launcher Mari had trying to aim in half, just before pinning her Evangelion to the ground. Shinji took aim and shot, hitting the monster in the back. Lucifuge just shrugged of the energy round. It was about to finish Unit-05 when Asuka, having changed her trajectory when she heard the scream, kicked it off her comrade, managing to catch the monster off-guard and sending it to the ground. The Fallen started to get up slowly, before Unit-02 reached him again and drove forward its prog knife. Lucifuge brought up its AT-Field, shattering the weapon's blade into millions of metal, human sized shards before sending Unit-02 flying back.

Asuka grunted and got up, discarding the broken blade and grabbing a new one, just to see the Fallen One moving its shield to stop a positron round shot by Shinji. Behind her, Unit-05 rose to its feet shakily.

"Damn…" Asuka growled. She wanted nothing more than rushing forward and beating that thing to a pulp. However, the years passed and her bitter experience had taught her that wasn't a good strategy. Fortunately, that thing didn't seem to mind her or Mari very much, centring its efforts solely in Unit-01 and attacking the rest only when they were in its way. While that annoyed her to no end, she was more worried that angry. Shinji wouldn't be able to kill that thing by himself. If he had, he would have done so already. But every time any of them managed to get a hit on one of the beast's cores, the rest healed it. If her previous experience was of any help, they would have to destroy them simultaneously.

Problem? They only had three Evangelions. And one of them had lost its knife, while the other two couldn't risk going to get the ranged weapon that lied in storage. Not that it would help, as that thing seemed to shake off any kind of damage done to it.

"Misato!" she called over the comm. "Any ideas?"

Silence was her only answer, and she realized Misato had reached the same conclusion as her. Everybody had probably realized by then. This wasn't a battle for survival. This time, it was only a battle to prove they wouldn't surrender. They would fight to the end. They would fight an invincible enemy, down to the last man, because they wouldn't give up. Because that's what the people in the Evangelion Project did. After one squared out Commanders and Committees and conspirators, the Evanglion Project was the last line of defence for the human race. They couldn't surrender. They wouldn't surrender and beg mercy. They were the last layer of armour, the last bullet in the magazine, and the last desperate breath of the dying. Forgetting about Commanders, Committees, and conspirators, the Evangelion Project had survived, fought, and won as the last resort.

And, maybe, today was the day they would die. But they would go out how they lived: battling odds well under 1%.

* * *

Ziz frowned, still hidden behind her AT-Field. Her brothers were doing it wrong. Everything. They had to kill the beasts, destroy the base and free the Bringer and Mother. They shouldn't be fighting Mother like this. At this rate, they would really kill her and the Bringer. They couldn't kill them. They just couldn't.

The Bringer… He couldn't die. Not like this, destroyed by the only ones who loved him. He… He wouldn't come with them, would he? It was hopeless from the very beginning, wasn't it? He would have never chosen them over the Lilim and, deep inside; all of them had known that. They had been fooling themselves, because they needed a sense of utility. Without that, they were nothing.

And, hidden behind the shield of her soul, Ziz realized the Bringer… No, Shinji; was going to die. Maybe the last one; standing in a devastated world fighting for a race that was doomed from the very beginning. She realized he would die, because he wouldn't be able to take the alternative. And she only realized that at the very end, when everything was already over.

And, surprising even herself that her race was able to, Ziz cried.

* * *

Shinji shot again, the particle round flying through the air, impacting against Lucifuge's temple. The monster stumbled and let go of its pray, Unit-05 falling almost lifelessly on the floor.

"Mari!" Shinji shouted "Are you okay?"

For a few seconds his only answer was a choked cough, before the young woman was able to regain her speaking functions.

"I'm okay. More or less." she added as an afterthought.

Shinji checked his weapon and bit back a curse. He threw it to the ground.

"I'm dry."

"What about the last storage building?"

"It got blown up the last time it shot that energy beam of his." Misato informed grimly. "You were kind of busy, but look around you. There's not much of the city left right now."

Shinji realized the Major was right. It was easy to forget when you were inside the Evangelion, but the trail of destruction they had created with their fight was quite big.

"Now would be a really good time to get trump cards out." Shinji said "What about it, Commander? Care to give us the Lance?"

"I don't know what you mean." the old man answered when the totality of the bridge personnel turned to look at him.

"Oh come on!" Shinji yelled. "If that thing kills us all, you won't get shit!"

"I repeat, pilot Ikari" Fuyutsuki answered, immovable. "I understand you're afraid, but I have nothing of the sort. If I had something that could kill that thing, I would gladly hand it over."

"I bet you would." Shinji laughed. "You're just like my father. You'd let the world burn before giving up something you need for yourself."

"Commander…" Misato began, but Fuyutsuki's stern voice cut her.

"We have nothing of the sort. If we had some kind of miraculous weapon, we'd have already used it. Don't disgrace yourself, pilot Ikari."

Shinji just laughed again, this time it was more mocking and hopeless. The Commander frowned. Damn brat. He just had to. He had, however, been right in one thing. If he gave it to him, Shinji would surely make sure the Lance was put out of his grasp forever. Without the Lance, a new Instrumentality was impossible. And if he couldn't get Yui, the whole world could just burn for all he cared.

* * *

"What was that about?" Asuka asked. Shinji just chuckled.

"Nothing." he answered "Just the confirmation that we're totally and utterly fucked."

"Perfect..."

"Asuka… I think I have a plan. But I need your help."

"What kind of plan?"

"I can't tell you." Shinji answered. "I don't think you'd like it."

"Then how…"

"I need you to get Mari out of here."

"Why?" the brunette pilot said "I'm…"

"Okay." Shinji finished for her. "The fact that your Evangelion's legs are shaking means nothing."

"I…"

"He was choking the life out of you right now." Shinji insisted. "And you've sustained heavy damage. Asuka and I are mostly unharmed. "

"So you're getting me out of the way?"

"Mostly."

Mari laughed weakly.

"Well, I _could_ take a breather."

"Shinji…" Asuka started.

"I'll hold him back. You just escort her. I'll be waiting for you."

"Are you trying something suicidal, Shinji?" Asuka asked. "Because ff you are, I'm going to bring you back and torture you if you fail. I'm fucking serious."

"Don't you trust me?"

The redhead just sighed. Shinji was up to something. She could smell it. She knew it. But she couldn't tell what it was. Her right shoulder pillar opened, letting out an extra prog knife. She handed it to Unit-01.

"Take this. You can't possibly hold him off unarmed."

Shinji nodded. Asuka turned around, a strange apprehension clenching her throat. There was… Something off.

"Shinji." she said "I… I don't really know what you're trying to do. But I trust you. Just... be careful, okay?"

"Of course." Shinji said, closing the video feed. Then, with a lightning fast move that caught the female pilot totally unaware, he dug the prog knife in Unit'2 knee. Asuka screamed in agony, as Shinji slashed through the articulation, the gravity making the rest of the job for him, making the titanic weight of the Evangelion utterly destroy the damaged articulation. Asuka screamed louder, her Evangelion falling to the ground. Shinji jumped forward.

"Shinji!" Misato screamed over Asuka's pained shriek. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Unit-01 ignored her, grabbing the surprised and shaky Unit-05 by the face and smashed its head against the floor in a fluid motion. Mari grunted but that fast, violent assault was more than her Eva and she could take, and she was unable to stand up.

"Shinji!" Misato screamed again.

"I'm sorry. They would have never let me do this."

"Shinji!" Asuka screamed, breathing heavily due to the pain "What the hell are you doing? I'll fucking kill you!"

Shinji just smiled, though nobody could see it. Then, ignoring the screaming voices over the comm, he charged towards Lucifuge.

_

* * *

_

Was that really necessary?

Do you have a better idea? If you do, now would be the time to share it.

…_No._

I knew it.

_It's just…_

It's okay. 01 is the only one that can do this. It's the only one with a real S² engine. The only one with enough energy to make this work. I can't risk their lives in this bet.

Shinji expanded his conscience, feeling the mighty beast residing in Unit-01 pulling his sanity. Just one more time, he thought. Lend me your strength one last time. Then, we can both rest.

* * *

Unit-01 jumped, raising its AT-Field to the maximum, falling on the Fallen's extended shield. Shinji growled, willing his Evangelion to push harder but Lucifuge extended its AT-Field, sending the purple behemoth flying. Shinji let out a short scream when he landed, yet again, against the hard unforgiving ground. He got up slowly, Unit-01 growling with him. Lucifuge was again just standing still, like he was taunting its rival. Look, it seemed to say. Look at you, sprawled out and in pain, while you have yet to injure me.

Shinji growled, feeling that familiar rage pulling in the back of his mind. He breathed deeply and, with a scream, charged forward again, jumping at the last second and landing behind Lucifuge, moving Unit-01 arm with ease, searching for a stab opening. Lucifuge, however, was faster catching the arm by the wrist. Shinji growled, Unit-01 arm shacking from the strain. Finally, the monster's arm began to give in. Shinji gritted his teeth. Just a little more and…

Snap.

Shinji just stated in disbelief at Unit-01's arm, hanging in some impossible angle, before the pain signal reached his brain. He screamed in agony, feeling his own bones shatter and only saw out the corner of his eye the flash in Lucifuge's eyes before the beam struck him. Shinji screamed in new found pain, feeling his skin burn, with the boiling LCL adding a horrible kick to the pain he already felt from the Eva.

The purple behemoth flew back, landing heavily, just before a new energy beam hit it. Shinji screamed again. Lucifuge tilted its head, watching the fallen Evangelion before roaring. As if accepting an unspoken challenge, Unit-01 shifted before rising with painfully slow movements. It finally got up, its right arm hanging uselessly at its side, its armour half melted and looking like it was about to fall.

Inside the cockpit, Shinji's breath was ragged as he tried to overcome the pain he was feeling. What was he doing? Really, right now he was just beating around the bush. He knew what he had to do. That's why he had incapacitated the other Evangelions. No matter what, they would have never let him do it. Right now… Well, he just wanted to try. Maybe he would really make out of this alive, he had thought. Shinji would have laughed if he had been able to. Just now… Life was so fucking unfair.

Shinji roared, willing Unit-01 to dash forward again, roaring. Lucifuge tilted its head, just standing still until Unit-01 was only a hundred meters away, when it summoned a hell of spikes from its skin. Shinji, dizzy and already in pain was unable to avoid them, getting impaled. Inside the cockpit, the pilot coughed up blood, which dissolved in the LCL. Unit-01 fell limp, only standing still due to the impalement.

* * *

"Critical damage to Unit-01's torso! The cockpit has been penetrated! Pilot's life signs are dropping!" one of the technicians exclaimed.

Misato said nothing. There was nothing to say. Whatever she could say or think would change nothing. Shinji had done this to himself. He had lead some kind of suicide charge, for God knew what reason. He had brought that to himself. Even though… She sobbed.

Over the com, they bridge personnel could hear a liquid cough and a wheezing, added to a sound Misato didn't like one bit: the gurgling sound of blood entering and leaving lungs.

"Asuka…" Shinji managed to gasp.

"Cut the open channel." Misato ordered.

"Ma'am?"

"Now!"

The bridge bunny recoiled and cast a look in the Commander's direction, who stared at the Major.

"This is highly inappropriate, Major."

"With all due respect, sir" Misato answered "Fuck you. I'm not eavesdropping on their last conversation. Cut the connection."

* * *

"Shinji!" Asuka screamed "What…? Why…?"

A faint chuckle was all she heard, before another cough fit covered it.

"Very… loquacious…" the male pilot gasped "I…"

"What are you doing?" Asuka screamed "You promised! You swore it! You said you wouldn't abandon me again!"

"…Sorry…"

"I won't forgive you!" she shouted "Never! You hear me? Never!"

"…"

"Never…" her voice was now just a faint whisper "I'll never forgive you…"

Shinji coughed another time, before being able to talk again. He sighed, painfully aware of the blood dissolving in the LCL and the fact that his organs were in place only because of the tightness of the plugsuit.

"…I… I love you" he gasped "Here, I said it"

"Shinji…" Asuka whispered "Shinji, please…"

The comm went silent. And, despite the promises to herself, despite her own personality and her wishes, Asuka Langley Soryu covered her face and cried.

* * *

In the large screen of the bridge, Misato Katsuragi watched as Unit-01 raised its head slowly, before raising one arm and grabbing a spike for support. She couldn't hear it due to cutting the comm, but she could still feel the pained grunts inside Shinji's plug, as Unit-01 managed to drag its feet a few steps forward. Lucifuge retreated its spikes, and the purple Evangelion staggered forward pathetically, before raising its good arm and getting hold of the Fallen One's neck.

One of the bridge bunnies let out a surprised exclamation.

"Ma'am!" he screamed "The pilot has armed Unit-01's self destruct mechanism!"

The Major spun around; just as the Commander finally rose from his chair, panic breaking through his mask of absolute calmness.

"Stop him!" he screamed "You have to stop him!"

"We can't sir! Unit-01 is blocking all our signals!"

Just as if he had heard them, the communication with the plug was reopened, just to let them hear a cackle that died in a cough fit.

"Ikari!" Fuyutuski screamed "Stop this now! Ikari!"

"Fuck you, Commander!" Shinji cackled, slightly delirious from blood loss. "I told you I'd stop you. I warned you!"

Shinji laughed insanely again, which was interrupted by another coughing fit.

"What…" Misato began.

"Ikari!" Fuyutsuki said, ignoring the looks he was getting. He didn't care. If Unit-01 was lost, everything was over. Unit-01 had to survive "Ikari, you know about Unit-01! You can't…!"

"She's with me in this one, _Kozo_!" Shinji interrupted him "You lose!"

* * *

Lucifuge struggled, a terrible sense of dread filling him. He got the feeling he had to get away. He grabbed the arm grappling its neck, but was unable to move it. It was like all the strength and power left in the battered body of Unit-01 was directed solely to that arm.

His eyes flashing, he shot his beam directly at the Evangelion's face. While the purple behemoth's head jerked back, roaring in pain as the rest of the armour melted and the grey skin began to burn, it didn't let go.

When the head recovered its position and Lucifuge stared in those big, green eyes. They were filled with such madness he would have recoiled back if he could.

It was at this point he accepted that he would not survive whatever the Bringer was doing.

* * *

He wasn't in pain, which was surprising considering he had just received an energy beam to the face. It was like his body was in such an unbelievable agony it had gone full circle, leaving him only slightly numb.

So that's how it feels like, he thought. It's not that bad.

_You don't have to play tough_.

It's okay.

_No it's not. Of course it's not. It's unfair. It's cruel. You can say it. Nobody will judge you._

…I don't want to die.

_I know._

I did my best! I tried! I've suffered enough!

…

I only wanted some happiness! I was happy, dammit! I was happy after twenty fucking years! Was that just too much to ask? Was it? I don't deserve this!

_I'm sorry._

I… I tried. I really did. I gave my all. I fought hardest than ever. For nothing.

_They're alive, aren't they?_

And what about me? For once, what about me?

_I'm sorry._

It's just… I… Earn your happy ending, right? I… I guess I just thought that, maybe…

_It's okay. You can be selfish this one time._

…I'm scared, Mom. I really am. I'm really scared.

_I know. Me, too._

…Will you stay with me? To the end?

_Yes._

* * *

A flash of light, roaring of thunder, then a shockwave of fire and wind that shattered the soil. And then smoke. Followed by a deafening silence.

_I'm sorry, Shinji._


	28. Chapter 28

**Well, here it is. I hope you enjoy it. For a longer rant, go to the end of the chapter.**** I know I said I'd post an epilogue, but in the end felt unnecessary. Maybe, in the future, I'll post a little one, but don't count on it.**

* * *

FINAL CHAPTER- THE END, AND THE BEGINNING

This isn't so bad. Sure, I would have preferred, you know, _not_ dying a virgin. That sucks a lot. But being dead isn't that bad. It's… Quiet. Yes that's the word. I could get used to this. I mean, it could be worse. I was pretty sure I was going to Hell. This probably isn't Heaven, either, but this limbo is not bad. It really isn't. I could stay here a few days. Or centuries. I… I feel I can rest here. I can finally rest. Nothing here but myself, this blankness and this numb feeling. I really could go for a nap after all that crap. A really long one.

_Holy shit… I've never seen something like this_.

I wonder where Mom is. I'd like to see her. Just to know if she's alright. Wait, let me rephrase that. Stupid question. She's dead, of course. Like me. I want to know if she's in pain, or if it hurt to her. It hurt to me. For a moment, at least. She then apologised, and everything felt better. I wonder why she apologised. I don't remember her doing something wrong to me. It's all Father's fault. I… I don't want to think about the alternative.

_You obviously weren't in Tokyo-3 when the Sixteenth… Wait_.

I guess that's another reason I want to see her. To ask her if she knew what would happen. If she was aware of what entering Unit-01 meant. Ask her if she did it on purpose, to manipulate me, and Father, and everyone. I want to ask her but, at the same time, I don't want to. I don't know if that makes sense but Mom was always the victim in all this. Some kind of Virgin Mary dragged into this against her will. It's… It's better to believe that. I don't want to think neither of my parents gave a real shit about me.

_What's wrong? Just confirm there's nothing left to salvage from the Eva and…_

_Look, you idiot!_

_Wha… Wait, is that…_

_Holy fuck!_

And I'm doing it again. I really shouldn't have begun that train of thought. I was feeling pretty well with myself. I just had to begin rational thinking. I just had to. I'm an idiot. I really…

_Shouldn't we wait for instructions?_

_You wait! We already reported and I'm not sitting here doing nothing! He self-destructed to save us, I can't just do nothing!_

_We should wait for the recover team… Opening this up could be worse…_

_Have you seen the state of this thing? It's a miracle it hasn't collapsed on itself._

Who do those voices belong to? Really, leave a dead guy alone. I was okay here, thinking by myself. And now I'm wide awake. I won't be able to sleep for hours now. Really, what a bunch of rude…

_Holy…_

_This… This is horrible…_

_Do you think he's…_

_Of course he is! Just look at him! He's… God…_

_We can't leave him here. It's just wrong. He… Wait a sec._

_What now?_

Will you shut up already? You're getting annoying. And loud. And I'm cold. And I don't know how, but I'm feeling uncomforta… Guagh! It hurts, dammit! What the… God, it hurts so much!

_He's alive… Holy shit, he'__s fucking alive__! Come on, you idiot! Call again! Tell them to hurry the fuck up! He looks about to come to! Hurry up, dammit! Ikari! Ikari! Damn, I don't know if you can hear me but stay with me, okay? Don't die on me like this! What about that team? Will they come already or what? Tell them the pilot's still alive!_

Oh, you have _got_ to be shitting me…

* * *

Love.

Joy.

Serenity.

Tear-jerking happiness.

Shinji felt none of those when he woke up. He did, however, feel impossibly horrible pain, with a nice side dish of brain shattering agony. Also, the air tasted like a plane crash. He tried to scream, but his mouth wouldn't pronounce a sound, and he realized his hole face was bandaged, his mouth almost unable to open.

"The doctors are starting to take you off the meds." A voice said, "They said you would feel slightly uncomfortable"

'Slightly uncomfortable'? No, seriously? Shinji wanted to scream at the stupid giant talking cupcake, but his mouth only managed to mutter something that sounded like "Mrguffghi". The talking schoolbag frowned at him.

"You look more than a little uncomfortable. Are you in pain?"

"No shit, Sherlock!" Is what Shinji wanted to say. It sounded more or less sounded like 'Ghrellbmnla'.

"I thought so." Growled the furry chair, "I'll go get the doctor."

Shinji wanted to thank the encyclopaedia, but it left before he could. No more than two seconds later, Barney the Purple Dinosaur entered the room, followed by Sailor Pothead.

"See?" Barked the eight foot tall wardrobe, "I told you it was too soon!"

"We understand, Lt. Soryu." The floor lamp said, "But we had to see how he…"

"This is bullshit!" The fire extinguisher screamed. Shinji would have liked it to stop doing that, "He's no lab rat, God dammit! Don't wake him until you're sure!"

"I understand." Adamaï agreed, walking towards the candy factory next to Shinji's flying cloud. He touched some magic buttons, and Shinji felt a lot better. So better, he decided a nap felt perfect right about now. He wanted to thank the Dragon Pig, but his over drugged brain fell asleep before he could.

* * *

The next time Shinji woke up, he wasn't hurting nearly as bad as before. Also, the room wasn't melting around him, which was good. He groaned slightly, becoming aware that his jaw was free for him to move, allowing him to actually open his mouth in the process.

When he tried to talk, however, he felt his throat dry and sore. The young boy grimaced but before he could make a move, a glass materialized in front of him.

"Drink."

Shinji took the glass and emptied in one gulp. He turned his head and managed to form a very tiny smile.

"Thanks." He said huskily. Asuka just nodded, "Aren't you going to punch me?"

"No. I'm not." Asuka glared at the man, "_Yet._"

"I'm glad. I don't think I could handle one of your right hooks just yet." For a few seconds, Shinji said nothing, "Look, Asuka, I…"

"If you say you're sorry, I'm going to forget you're confined to a bed." She interrupted, "I just want to know _what the fuck is wrong with you!_"

"Asuka…"

"No, seriously. Explain it to me because I'm just incapable of understanding what goes through that messed up head of yours. Please, _explain_."

"I just... It was the only way to destroy that thing. Unit-01…"

"Shut up." The redhead interrupted him, clenching her teeth, "Shut up, because I'm trying really hard not to kill you right now. I'm not asking that. I'm asking what the hell you were thinking."

"I… Well, it was the only way I could kill that thing, so…"

"Even if cost you your life?"

Shinji just nodded, averting his gaze and refusing to look at his fellow pilot.

"Why? You thought about incapacitating my Evangelion and Unit-05. That was no rash, desperate decision. You had to think about it."

"You'd have never let do it." Shinji answered simply, "Not alone. You would have stayed with me, if only to not let me take the glory of the heroic sacrifice."

"Damn right I would have!" Asuka exclaimed, "Did you ask my opinion? What, do you think your life is less worthy than mine?"

Silence was her only answer for a few seconds.

"God…" Asuka gasped, "You really think it! You really think it's okay for you to die!"

"No!" Shinji yelled back, "I wanted to live! But there was no other way! And I could have never done it knowing it would have killed you too!"

"You're a fucking imbecile!" Asuka screamed at his face, "A God damned selfish son of a bitch! What about _me_? Huh? Do you have any idea how I would have felt? Do you have any idea how I felt when your fucking robot _exploded in front of my eyes_? Are you really that stupid?"

"Asuka, I…"

"You _what_?" She roared, seemingly unaware of her tears, "What the fuck is your problem? You promised, you asshole! You swore it! You said you'd never do this again and you _lied_! You lied and I thought you had died and you're an asshole and I hate you so much!"

"Asu…"

"Shut up! I'm not done!" Asuka screamed, grabbing him by the collar of his gown and shaking him violently, "Do you…? Do you…? God, you know I hate repeating myself! I won't forgive you, you hear me? Never! You… You… I don't even know a word to describe what you are! I don't think it even exists! Not even in German!"

"Asuka…"

"I said shut up! Do you know how long have you been in this bed? Do you_? Three months_! I've spent three months without knowing if you'd ever wake up! Do you have any idea how…? No you don't! Because you're an insensitive asshole!"

"You're hurting me…"

"Good! Now you'll have an idea of-"

"I mean you're tearing the stitches open…" Shinji explained as calmly he could.

"Oh…" Asuka finally released him and sat down again. An awkward silence befell them.

"I have the most terrible feeling of déjà-vú"

"I know what you mean."

Asuka finally started laughing for a good full minute. When she finally settled she wiped again the tears, still giggling.

"That's… This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous. _We_ are ridiculous. This whole situation…"

"I get the point. Ridiculous."

"It's just… How is this even supposed to work? We? Together? We're going kill each other within a week."

"I'm willing to take the risk. I don't have a very strong attachment to life, anyway."

"You're an idiot."

"I get that a lot. From you, actually." Shinji pondered for a few seconds, "Hey, Asuka. What I said back then… I meant it. I didn't say it because I was going to die. I really love you"

Asuka blushed furiously, before muttering something under her breath.

"What was that?" Shinji asked.

"I… I said…" Asuka growled "_Gott_! How Am I supposed to stay mad at you now? Asshole!"

The redhead stormed out of the room, grumbling about smart ass doormats and stupid, stupid Shinji's.

The young man just chuckled and lied down, drifting back to sleep.

* * *

When Shinji woke up, he glanced sideways to look at the clock on his bedside table. It showed him he had only slept for more or less an hour after Asuka had left yet again after berating him a bit more. She seemed to do that a lot these days. Shinji assumed she needed to bend out her worries and frustration now that Shinji was awake and (more or less) well. And telling her about his undying love for her had only worked the first five times. Shinji thought he would have to let it rest a few days, to give her a sense of security before using that card again.

He turned around to face his visitor, who was currently poking him with a spoon.

"Hi Ziz"

"Hello"

Poke.

"…"

Poke. Poke. Poke.

"…"

Pokepokepokepokepokepo-

"Would you please stop poking me with the spoon?"

"I find it… enjoyable." she answered without stopping "I think I'll keep doing it"

"Stop" The humanoid Fallen One obeyed, "I guess you've learned a bit during these three months."

"I have become acquainted with what you Lilim call 'sense of humour' and 'relaxing'."

"I said stop it with the poking already!"

"It relaxes me."

"Well, it surely doesn't relax _me_!" Shinji snapped finally taking the spoon, "What? Every time you want to relax you go around poking people with a spoon?"

"Yes. I also use my fingers and some times even forks. Although that didn't go over to well the last time I used a fork. I may have poked a bit too hard."

Shinji groaned.

"To be honest, I expected to see you earlier."

"I was… Unsure about what your reaction would be."

"You were nervous?"

"Yes."

"Are you nervous now?"

"Yes."

"Is that why you were poking me?"

"…Maybe."

Shinji sighed. This was just perfect.

"You don't have to be nervous around me. Really. You were the only one who tried to understand."

Ziz said nothing, not daring to tell him the truth about her desires. There was no point now. Mother was gone. She was the only one left. There was no meaning in trying to persevere.

"What should I do now?" she asked. Shinji thought for a few seconds.

"Whatever you want." he finally answered.

Ziz tilted her head in confusion.

"Until now, getting me and Unit-01 to join you was all you wanted, right?" Ziz nodded "Well, I think that would be a bit difficult right now, wouldn't it?"

Ziz nodded again.

"There you have it. I can't tell you what you have to do. Nor do I want to. I know you're scared, now. You think your existence has no meaning. You're wrong. Just go, and do what you think you should do."

"…I think I understand" Ziz fidgeted "Though… Can I ask for your assistance if I ever feel confused?"

"Of course." Shinji said with a smile, giving her back her spoon, "Now go poke someone else. Try Asuka. She'll _love_ it."

* * *

Kozo Fuyutsuki stared. Kozo Fuyutsuki glared. Kozo Fuyutsuki _hated_. Everything was his fault. Sixteen years of work just gone with the wind, destroyed by the whim of a brat too stupid to understand the greatness of what he had tried to achieve. He just…

"Good night, Kozo." Shinji said.

"So you were awake."

"Yes." Shinji answered, his voice betraying a little smile, "This is getting old."

"What is?"

"Nothing."

The Commander said nothing, studying the young man lying in the dark.

"Have you come here to kill me, Kozo?"

Fuyutsuki grimaced. He had been aware of the subtle mockery every time the boy called him 'Commander', but right now Shinji didn't even bother to be subtle. He despised the old man before him, and wanted to rub his victory on his face. Fuyutsuki gritted his teeth.

"You have ruined everything."

"You didn't answer my question." Shinji pointed out.

"Do you have any idea of what you've done?" The Commander growled. He wasn't Gendo Ikari. He didn't have the saintly patience that the late Commander had exhibited.

"You sound surprised. I don't get why." Fuyutsuki couldn't see his face, but he was sure Shinji was smirking at him, "I warned you. I told you I wouldn't let you restart Instrumentality."

"This has nothing to do with Instrumentality, Ikari!" the Commander roared "Don't you get it? _You killed her_!"

"No." Shinji answered, his voice betraying that he wasn't smiling anymore, "She died sixteen years ago, Kozo. She died when she activated Unit-01 for the first time. You just didn't want to accept it."

Fuyutsuki sneered, "You can tell yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night."

Shinji hoarse guffaw almost made the older man jump in surprise.

"Kozo, you're an _idiot._" Shinji mocked, "You think I did that without her consent? You think I could have destroyed Unit-01 without her saying so?"

"Yui…"

"Mom was tired, Kozo. All these years inside Unit-01, all those battles. She grew weary of it all."

Fuyutsuki clicked his tongue condescendingly.

"Don't mix her with the likes of you. Yui was special. Stronger."

"Of course." Shinji mocked, "Because everything went according to plan, right? Since the very beginning, the Project Evangelion was a continuous success, everything going as it should."

"You're a fool." Fuyutsuki replied, in the same mocking tone, "You think you know everything. You think you understand everything. Let me tell you, Ikari. You. Know. Nothing! Yui…"

"I don't care." Shinji interrupted him, "You're right. I probably don't know everything. But I know enough. Or did you think I would simply sit down and watch you destroy everything again?"

"Aren't you the little hypocrite, Ikari? _You_ were the one that initiated Third Impact. You, and only you, chose to do it. And now you come to give me a lecture?"

"You're the one who doesn't get it. You're delusional, like Father was. You say you remember Instrumentality. You should know better. It was nothing more than mass genocide disguised as a spiritual experience. None of it was real."

"Maybe. But you should be aware of this already; it was the only place people like us could be happy. The realities created within it were the only refuge for souls as tortured as ours."

For a few seconds, silent darkness was the only answer the Commander got.

"For Christ's sake, Kozo." Shinji finally breathed, "_Grow a pair already._"

Fuyutsuki didn't answer.

"I mean… Seriously?" The younger male continued, "Are you really saying this? To me? How old are you? Are telling me that in all those years you were unable to find a bit of happiness in this world? A wife, children, grand-children? You sacrificed it all to follow some stupid idealistic dream of a world of blissful happiness. Reality doesn't work that way, Kozo. If you want happiness you have to fight for it everyday. Happiness isn't some kind of drug-fuelled trip, where everything goes your way and you feel like lollipops and clouds. Happiness is something deeper than that, _better_ than that. I know that, now. And I don't believe you don't know it, too."

The Commander remained silent.

"This is meaningless." Shinji said, "You're only a stubborn old bastard, unable to face the fact that _he was wrong_. Like my Father's, your brain just can't register the fact that the world won't play like you want it to. Father failed. You failed. Unit-01 is gone. Mom is gone. _And I'm tired of this shit._"

Kozo Fuyutsuki remained silent for a few seconds. His right hand played with the silenced pistol he had been hiding in his pocket.

"You've grown, Ikari." He finally said, "You've become smart, and cynical. To be honest, I thought you would never make it this far. I scorned you. You were nothing like your father; something I thought made you unworthy of my attention. Your father thought the same. Just some pawn that would never dare face him. Seele didn't even acknowledge your existence. Yet, in the end, here you are. The final victor. The big winner. Decades of planning and years of scheming gone at your whim. You must feel pretty proud of yourself."

Shinji chuckled in the darkness.

"Damn… You still don't get it. I can't believe you still can't understand it. I don't care about your plans. I didn't care about Seele. I don't even give a shit about humanity as a whole. From the very beginning, I just wanted two things; acceptance and love. Only that. You really should have predicted that, once I managed to get them, I would die for them without a second thought."

Kozo Fuyutsuki said nothing, his hand gripping the handle of the weapon. Finally he sighed tiredly. What was the point? Yui wouldn't return. Unit-01 was done for. He had lost. He could kill him, of course, but nothing would be gained by that. He should do what Gendo Ikari did not, just accept defeat.

He left the room.

* * *

"Why am I stuck with dragging your sorry ass around?" Asuka growled. Misato sighed for the tenth time.

"You already know that. The doctors said he shouldn't walk for a few weeks, yet. There's still risk of some complications."

"I know that. What I'm asking is why I'm the one pushing the blasted wheelchair!"

"Because, I love you?" Shinji ventured.

"You shut up." The redhead growled. Misato chuckled.

"Don't be like that, Asuka. Though I can understand your frustration. I bet you thought you could ravish Shinji the moment he left the hospital."

"What? I didn't! I can't believe you said that!"

"Don't act prude on me, Asuka" Misato said with a giggle, "We're all adults here"

"Shinji!" The redhead complained, "Say something!"

"I can't wait to finish what we started, too."

"You know what? Screw you, Shinji!"

"That's the idea." Misato said. Asuka just yelled in frustration.

Shinji smiled. Sure, he had still a long way to go until he recovered. Sure, NERV wouldn't let him retire completely even if Unit-01 had been destroyed. Sure, judging Asuka's expression, he was in for some terrible hell when they were alone.

But he was young, he would survive. And, as long as he was alive, everything could improve. He was leaving a very long chapter of his life behind him. But, for the first time in his life, he was eager to see what the future had in store for him.

And that's something.

_**FIN**__** (**__**'BETA'd by: Slicerness)**_

**

* * *

**

And that's it. It's finally done. Neon Genesis E

**vangelion fanfic, 'Dark Kabbalah' is finally complete. I… I don't really know what to say. I guess… I guess I want to first give some specific thank yous:**

**First of all, to ; who was one of my most faithful reviewers. He began in reviewing in chapter 3 and hasn't missed one. Also, his/her help and advice from the very beginning of this story helped me a lot. Dark Kabbalah simply wouldn't have been the same without him/her.**

**Secondly, I wanted to thank SolidJJ, who also has been a pretty consistent reviewer. His outraged post on my cliff-hangers and his obsession with lemons always managed to lift my spirits. I'm really sorry I couldn't give you your porn, but I couldn't manage anything of quality. Please don't kill me.**

**Of course, I could say this without thanking everyone who ever posted a review: zerouzumaki34, who was the very first one; CB93, who became a constant in my later chapters; Sonnes-Loco77 and his minimal posts… And too many for me to name them all. Because, without you, this fic wouldn't have been finished. Never.**

**And last, and probably most important, I want to thank slicerness, who volunteered to be my beta reader, having to read my horrible, horrible uncorrected chapters. This story wouldn't be the same without him. Thanks a lot, man. Really.**

**I guess that's it. There's nothing much to say anymore. What I'm going to do now? I don't really know. I guess I'll return for a while to my mother language, Spanish, and write a bit. I'm getting a little rusty on my vocabulary. But this isn't the last you'll hear from me, people. I'm not done. I'm never done. And I'll be back, one day. Because Evangelion deserves it. Because is too good of a premise for me to be apart from it for very long. Keep sharp, because the day you less expect it, I'll have another story beginning. And I hope you're all there to see it, and that it's better than this one.**

**Thanks a lot and yours forever;**

**inuzuka pau**.

* * *

_A__lternate ending, by slicerness_

_But he was young, he would survive. And, as long as he was alive, everything could improve. He was leaving a very long chapter of his life behind him. But, for the first time in his life, he was eager to see what the future had in store for him. _

_Aside from sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future that is._


End file.
